Bad Beginnings
by haikomori
Summary: It wasn't going to be easy, they all knew that, but they didn't think it would get this bad. Lightning tries desperately to hold everything together and save the despairing Hope, but nothing is easy in the face of new hardships. Will they hold up?
1. News

**So here I am, starting another multi-fic story. I really shouldn't be...I have two others...but I want to! ARGH! It just popped into my mind! I have to start it. But I will have to warn you now, after this weekend, my Spring Break is over (WAH!) and with two other stories, this one may be updated sporadically. Although, since FF13 is on the brain, it may not be so bad for this as for my other fics. We'll have to see. Although summer is approaching...that might help (but this one probably won't take _that _long_)._  
**

**Anyway, I hope (PUN! I'm so lame) that you enjoy the first chapter. The basic path is sketched in my head, but that may change. I hope you, the readers, will be patient with me and enjoy the fic! I'll do my very best to keep up with my writing, and hope (again!) that you will understand any strange or late updates. Although I am working on a regime that will help me buckle down with my stories. Do any other writer's have this problem? I just can't resist starting this, or a lot of other stories that compel me!**

**Warnings: Post-game, so will contain spoilers. **

**Disclaimer: I'm afraid I do not own FF13. If I did, the ending wouldn't be so sad.**

…

* * *

She had hoped...

She had looked at him and hoped. She prayed to any deity that was out there for it to be okay. For his father to be alive, well, and looking for his son. To make sure that he had at least one parent in his life capable of taking care of him. She couldn't help but feel that she was doing a haphazard job, and the sooner he was with his father, the sooner he could get away from her corrupting influence.

How many people had she killed as a soldier? How much blood was on her hands? And how much was on his now? She wasn't fit to look after him, no matter what he thought.

She just couldn't figure out a way to make him see that.

But now there were far worse things for her to deal with...

Hope was broken...and Lightning had no idea how to fix it.

* * *

"You should eat something."

"I'm not hungry."

"You said that yesterday and I know you didn't eat anything since then. It's just soup. It won't kill you."

"I'm not in the mood."

"You'll get sick."

"I don't care."

"Dammit Hope!" but before Lightning could continue, not that she knew how, Hope had already gotten up and walked away. She let out a sigh and slumped into the now empty chair, rubbing the bridge of her nose. She knew she shouldn't be short with him but she had no idea how to deal with this. When she had found out...about her own parents...she had done what she knew how. Fought. Trained. She became strong but locked out her emotions in the process. And then all the memories...became blurs... To be fair, she had also had Serah. Serah kept her stable and was the only family she had left.

Hope didn't have that. Or at least he didn't seem to think he did.

_And what does that make us then?_ She couldn't stop the thought but immediately felt guilty for it. How was Hope supposed to act? All happy and smiles? She'd be worried if he was...

And then the whole scene came back unbidden....

…_................._

_They had all been walking down one of the less ruined streets of Cocoon. All was chaos, although the Guardian Corp. and PSI-COM were working non-stop to restore some sense of normalcy. There had been wide spread panic about the new found connection with Gran Pulse, and while many civilians were reluctant to set foot and what had always been a terror to them, forced evacuations gave them no choice. The numbers on Cocoon would be thin for now, at least until the damage could be repaired._

_But they had been called there by none other than her former Lt. Amodar. It seemed he had some important information for them, and had requested they retrieve it from one of the new centers they had set-up on Cocoon to aid in reconstruction. They had not seen him, but Lightning had hardly expected to. He would be far to busy with organizing his troops. She thought it was lucky to have heard from him at all._

_They had included Snow, Serah, herself, and of course Hope, who was rather anxious as they went. Snow was too, worried for what became of his friends, the remnants of NORA. Serah held his hand the whole time, offering what comfort she could._

_They had walked into one of the less than dilapidated buildings after being cleared by a Guardian Corp. soldier. He had even given Lightning a respectful nod, something she didn't believe would happen again. Not after the l-cie business. They had then proceeded to the front desk, waiting behind others for quite some time, before being greeted by an overly chipper woman. She looked them over as if trying to identify them by sight alone, but then reluctantly asked for their names. Lightning swore she had heard "Could have sworn I'd seen them before" under her breath._

_After giving them their names, the woman nodded cheerfully and typed in the information on the computer before turning to them to strike up pointless conversation. Snow and Serah had readily obliged, something Lightning could never understand. How could they tolerate it all the time? Although she quickly became interested herself..._

"_PSI-COM and the Guardian Corp. have been working wonders together! They've finally managed to get some divisions together to help family members find each other, along with reconstruction projects. It's not yet certain who will take over as leader for Cocoon. That may be a bot far off. But of you ask me, none would be better than Lt. Amodar! Man knows his stuff! Rosch would have been a good choice, but really...his death was so tragic..."_

"_What was that about the families?" Lightning demanded._

"_Hm? Oh! Well, yes. That's what I'm here for. To report conditions on family and friends, let you know where they are, whether they are-" But Lightning had stopped listening. Her blood started pounding in her ears, her head, and it made everything sound dull. If they were here for that..then...then..._

_She wished her heart would slow down._

"_Oh! Well here we are! Well, first for the Mr. Villiers, Lt. Amodar wanted to let you know that, and quote from this document, "All your little troublemakers are safe and sound, so stop spamming my inbox with questions. I have a lot to deal with, so let these buggers know where you are too. And congratulations on the wedding." You can contact them with this address-" And the lady paused to write down the information, which she handed to Snow, before looking back at the screen._

"_And let me see..." Could everyone hear her heart beating? It was so loud. Lightning kept glancing at Hope. Praying. Wishing. She could see the anxiety in his face. His eyes darting all around, resting on the woman for only brief moments before turning away again._

_Please...Please...Please..._

"_Oh...dear. Are you Hope Estheim?" Barely a nod. No. No. NO!_

"_I'm-I'm so sorry dear. But it seems your poor father Bartholomew has...passed away." If it felt like the whole floor had fallen away to Lightning...what must it be to be like Hope. Was he devastated? _

_What a stupid question. _

_The woman continued, if only to fill the stunned silence that followed her grim announcement. "It-It seems to have happened sometime during the attack on Eden...they...they managed to find him..." Shut up. Just please Shut up... "I-I'm sorry. I'm sure-"_

* * *

And after that, they were suddenly making arrangements for a funeral. Or moreover...Serah was. Everyone else had fallen into a silent stupor, and only she had been collected enough to help the poor women out. After that, Hope remained silent, even though they had all made attempts to reach out to him. But he would either not answer at all or give short, one word answers as necessary. But in his eyes was a look so dead...it broke her heart to see it.

And even now, he was unresponsive. It was starting to affect his health too. When _was _the last time he had eaten? They had found out three days ago...and she hadn't seen something reach his mouth since then. Soon they were going to have to force feed him...and that wouldn't turn out well.

"Thinking about Hope?" Lightning refrained from jumping, but that didn't stop the pounding in her heart. She turned to look at Sazh who now stood in her doorway, wearing a serious expression. They had all made camp quite a way away from the civilians. They had stayed together, all to keep the make-shift family, but moved away from the general populace to make things simpler. Their whole world had been uprooted and they, the former l-cie, were there to take the blame. It would be quite some time, if at all, before they could show themselves again. But for now, it was enough.

"Of course..." She answered simply. Sazh took the chair across from her, obviously lost in his own thoughts. It was a while before either spoke again.

"You'll need to be patient." Sazh said, breaking the silence. She nodded, waiting for him to continue, "He'll need support. Someone to talk to." Lightning knew those things were true, but had no idea how to start. She hadn't even really done those things for Serah...the way she had comforted her had been in her own Lightning way. The only reason it had worked was because Serah knew her, and knew it meant she was trying. That probably wouldn't work with Hope...

"But you'll make it." Sazh said, as if reading her thoughts, "He likes you and your crazy soldier ways...don't ask me why though."

"I don't now...he's lost both his parents now..." She let out another sigh, "Where's Dajh?"

"With Serah. She really likes to watch him. She'll make a good mother..."

"Don't remind me. Snow hasn't stopped talking about the big family they're going to have."

"They should concentrate on getting married first."

"You know him. Wastes no time..."

"Do you know where Hope is?"

"Probably outside...he does it whenever I try to get him to eat."

"That bad huh...we can't have that." Sazh said worriedly. But before they could say anything more, Serah rushed in, a frantic look on her face. She took one look at Lightning before grabbing her wrist and pulling her away, toward the door.

"Serah-"

"It's Hope!" She said breathlessly, "He's collapsed!"


	2. First Step

**Hello and thank you faithful readers! I'm glad you've enjoyed the first chapter, however sad it may be. I hope (Pun again!) that you enjoy this chapter as well, but I fear it may be very sad. You guys really motivated me, and the third chapter is also complete. But I will wait until the fourth chapter is finished to post it, so I stay ahead of the game. Again, please enjoy and thank you for your support.**

**[ Insert witty disclaimer here ]**

…

* * *

Serah led Lightning to the outside of their shared home made from the salvageable materials the Guardian Corp. had provided. She led them through the small filed that divided their home and Sazh's, but Lightning could already see Hope and Dajh in the center of it. Dajh was leaning over Hope, while Hope was on the ground, unmoving. Her heart clenched at the sight but her face remained unchanged as Serah led her to the spot.

"I was just playing with Dajh and I saw him and asked if he wanted to come and play. He started towards us...but then he just..just passed out." Serah explained as Lightning kneeled beside Hope. Lightning nodded and felt Hope's pale forehead. It was hot, although she wasn't entirely surprised. Although the fever was worse than she had expected.

"He's made himself sick." Lightning said, more to herself than anyone, "That's what happens when you don't eat..." Serah gasped slightly at the news but nodded and mimicked her sister's position.

"We better get him inside then, and get something in that belly. Dajh, I saw your dad in our kitchen, why don't you go to him while we help Hope?" Dajh nodded, a slightly worried look still on his young face, and bounded off for the house. Lightning bit her lip as she picked Hope up, feeling a mixture of guilt and frustration. Things were supposed to be getting better...not worse.

"Serah, go prepare a cold press. And some soup, he's gonna need it. I'll take him to his room."

"All right!" And Serah was off in seconds as Lightning began the walk back. She went slowly, although this was more out of contemplation than difficulty. Hope was far lighter than Snow, but in many ways that only worried her more. He had never been this pale before...almost like a ghost now. The only red was on his cheeks, as if someone had rubbed them incessantly, and his breathing was weak. Could someone really get this bad in only three days? And why hadn't she noticed it? She was the one who was supposed to protect him, and yet she let him fall into such a state.

All she seemed to be doing lately was failing.

"Nnngh."

"Hope?"

"..sorry..."

"Wha-"

"Dad...sorry...weak...mom..." Lightning took a deep breath and shook her head. This was going to take some time. But they couldn't afford that right now. Hope was destroying himself now so she needed a solution now! But...there wasn't one this time...and it killed her.

Worry pressing on her, she walked into the house and turned straight into a small hallway. There were only two rooms, one for her and Serah, the other for Hope and Snow. She went into the boy's room where Serah stood at the ready. Lightning nodded her thanks as she eyed the soup on the small end table, and set Hope gently down on his bed. He hardly moved at all, only shivering slightly and giving a weak moan. She nodded at Serah before propping Hope's head up. Serah took her cue and reached for the soup, feeding small spoonfuls to Hope as Lighting helped him swallow. Once it was gone, Lightning asked her to get some water before reaching for the rag and a second bowl of water. She dumped the rag inside, ignoring the chill, before ringing and and folding it over Hope's hot forehead.

"Will he be okay?" Serah asked from the doorway, holding a glass of water in her hands.

Lightning took a deep breath and nodded, "He should be once we get his fluids up. The fever should only last twenty four hours at most. We just have to keep him hydrated and make sure he keeps up with his eating this time."

"That's not what I meant..."

Lightning closed her eyes, trying desperately to calm her own worry. Worry made you judge poorly, your head cloudy, and even the best laid plans could fail because of it. She didn't even have a plan yet so she couldn't afford it. Finally she spoke, although it was more to herself than Serah, "I have no idea..." Then she left the room without another word.

* * *

_Hope slowly opened his eyes, blinking slightly against the sudden brightness. The room he was in was bright, the walls a pearly white, as was the floor and ceiling. But that made no sense. That last thing he remembered was...collapsing outside..._

_He groaned at the thought. He was going to make everyone worry again. He just wasn't in the mood for any of it. But he never could muster the feeling to be in the mood for much of everything._

"_I really am...alone again..." he whispered, although his words echoed around the room. They bounced off the walls and flew right back at him, making his ears ring with the constant saying of alone. But it was true. He was alone. Alone. ALONE._

_His mother was gone...and now his father too. And the last time he had seen either of them? Surrounded by soldiers and violence. Hardly a place for a fitting goodbye. He just kept losing all the people he seemed to care about._

_His mother. Vanille. Fang. His father. How long until the others were gone too?_

_Until he was utterly alone?_

"_Hey Hope, don't give up so easy! No way will we just up and leave on you." Snow's voice suddenly bellowed with its usual joy. _

"_How can you say that?" He asked right back, "You don't know what's going to happen! No one does!"_

"_You just keep going," Lightning's cool voice said. But Hope wasn't in the mood for their reasoning. _

"_How can I keep going when I don't know what to do! I can't do this!"_

"_It's not a question of can or can't-"_

"_-you just do." Hope finished for the voice, "But just what am I supposed to do?"_

"_You could start-" and Hope jumped slightly at the new voice. The voice that belonged to Serah, "-by opening up to everyone! We're all really worried you know! Lightning especially, but she'll never admit it." And he could practically hear the giggle._

"_Don't say it like that." Lightning's voice chimed._

"_I-I don't know...I just..."_

"_It's okay Hope." Sazh's wise voice called, "You don't have to do this alone."_

_But Hope was still shivering, on the brink of doing something he knew he didn't want to do. He wasn't ready and he knew it. Why were the all trying to get him to do this?_

"_Hope...you have to take the first step."_

"_No..."_

"_It's the only way."_

"_I can't! I won't!" I won't! Because if I do...then I'll-_

"_It doesn't mean your weak."_

_No...No..._

_But the thought came. The thought that had yet to really sink in. The thought that he just couldn't accept. His father was dead. The last of his family was gone. He had not said a proper goodbye, had not seen him, could not show him the new world he had actually had a hand in helping create..._

_His father was gone, leaving a hole where he would have been in Hope's heart. And for the first time since the words had been uttered, he felt something salty and wet prick the corners of his eyes. For the first time since the news reached him, Hope cried. _

_And like a dam that broke, the water came in waves._

…

* * *

When Lightning next came into Hope's room, it was silent around them, unless you counted Snow's poorly hushed questions of what had happened as he followed her. Night had reached Gran Pulse, plunging them into darkness, so candles were set to illuminate the area. Lightning made a note to get actual lamps tomorrow.

"Serah already told you didn't she?" Lightning hissed when Snow made a rather loud snort of frustration.

"Yes, but how is he now? She said you were the only one taking care for him."

Calling on her patience, which had steadily been growing thinner, she said in hushed tones, "His fever has gone down a lot, and I've managed to feed him some more soup since then. It's been easy, considering he hasn't woken up. Some color has gotten back in his face...he should be fine by tomorrow."

Snow nodded, his brow creased in uncharacteristic worry. He looked toward his room, knowing Hope was resting within, and bit his lip. He didn't know how to comfort the boy. The boy he had promised Nora that he would protect and keep safe. The boy he swore to take home. But now there was no home...it was like failing all over again.

"I know..." Lightning said, watching him and feeling one of those rare connections with Snow, although they weren't so rare these days. "We just have to be patient...help him."

"Sazh tell you that?"

"Yeah..."

"Well the guy knows his stuff...just wish there was more. I feel so..."

"Helpless?"

"Yeah." Lightning nodded and opened the door, leading the way inside. But she froze when she entered the room. Hovering just above Hope was a light, and for a moment, she thought of Alexander. And as she looked closer, she thought she could see some of the light that had indeed been that fortress of an Eidolon. But it was in-cased in a different light, almost that of gold, but there was something sinister about it. Without waiting for explanations, she drew he blade and swung it through the light. It shivered at the contact, almost as if it had been wounded, before dispersing into the air.

"W-What was that?" Snow asked, looking at the spot that the light had occupied only a moment ago.

"Don't know..." She said, sheathing her gunblade. _But it wasn't good._ She added in her head.

But whatever speculation they were beginning to have was lost the moment they heard sniffling from Hope. Lightning hurried to his side, Snow close behind, thinking that something _had_ been done to him. Instead they were met with a slowly awakening Hope with tear stains running down his face. Snow mumbled something inaudible, but they both felt a shock when Hope suddenly shot up, shaking his head.

Hope gasped slightly, clearly trying to regain his bearings, and let out a strangled half sob as he tried to compose himself. His body shuddered, still weak from the illness, and protested his quick movements. "I...dad..." he mumbled. But then his sense returned to him and he looked up to see the stunned expressions of Snow and Lightning. Hope also noticed the wetness on his cheeks and quickly brought a hand up to wipe the tears away, face burning brightly in embarrassment. But even as he did so, he felt his eyes wet again as his earlier thoughts assaulted him. But he didn't want to experience it yet, no matter-

Lightning grabbed his wrists in a gentle but firm hold, pulling it away from his face and stopping a rather vain attempt of wiping his tears away. He looked up at her, confusion evident in his green eyes, but Lightning shook her head and seated herself on the bed.

"This is the first time you've cried...since you found out." She said, looking him straight in the eye, "It sounds strange...but you've-you've gotta..." She was stumbling, becoming uncertain. But Snow was on the bed in an instant, saving her.

"Just gotta let it out buddy..." Snow said, giving Hope a sad smile as he ruffled his platinum blond hair. Hope's eyes widened, and he let out something unintelligible. He cleared his throat and spoke again.

"But I-I-"

"It isn't weakness Hope...it's just grieving...and you're more than entitled to it." Lightning said. Then she wrapped her arms around him, pressing him into her shoulder, and placing a hand on top of his head. She jumped slightly when she felt Snow's large arms wrap around them both, but nodded slightly to show her approval. They sat like that for a few minutes, none of them saying a word. But slowly Hope gave a slight shudder, which turned into full out trembling. Another, more violent shudder...and then Hope let out a sob.

"It's...okay Hope...We're here. We're not leaving." Lightning soothed as his cries became louder. And they stayed like that for a long time, even after Hope's pained cries died into painful whimpers, then calm sniffling. No one said a word...

For once words weren't needed.


	3. Funeral

**Hello everyone! Thank you for being patient with my update. I've had a tough past few days, but this story helped me feel better. First, I want to apologize to the anonymous reviewers. I completely forgot I could just respond to your reviews here. So I will do so now, and thank you for the reviews!**

**HopexLightning: Hope is having a very tough time right now. Hopefully the others will pull him through. But the road to true recovery will be a long one.**

**Anon: I'm sorry! Don't hurt your heart! This chapter will...well...there have been happier chapters. But I'm glad you really feel the story, thank you!**

**HopexLight4Ever- They do look cute together, and Hope is doing what he can. And, I really should have said this earlier (and I'm sorry for that) but while I enjoy the couple, I'm not comfortable writing it yet. Maybe another story, but for now, this will have a more friendship and family feel. I hope that's okay with you all! Anyway, thank you for the reviews!**

**Please enjoy this chapter, and I would like to thank everyone who has reviewed, added this story to their favs. List, everyone who has added it to their alert lists, and the community who added it to their archive. It means a lot to me, and really spurs me forward! I hope I can continue to deliver. Please enjoy the next installment!**

**Disclaimer: [insert something witty]**

…

* * *

Lightning blearily took a sip of the tea that Serah handed to her, barely registering the scalding temperature as it hit her lips. Hope had fallen asleep soon after he had calmed down, for which Lightning was very grateful for. She doubted he had gotten much sleep these past few days.. But as she shooed Snow out of the room and fixed it up for him to have a more comfortable sleep, saying Snow would just have to sleep on the couch, Hope began to toss and turn. Soon he started whimpering, then full out thrashing, until Lightning came to soothe him. But the moment she tried to leave, it had happened again. And she quickly picked up on the fact that if Hope was to get a peaceful sleep, she would have to lose her own.

And so she stayed and did what she could.

But dawn had come and gone, and only once she was sure Hope would be at peace for a time did she venture away. She met Serah in the kitchen, busily preparing tea, and her sister had affectionately handed her a cup with a knowing look.

They drank in silence for a while, the only sounds were their occasionally sipping and the sounds of Gran Pulse outside. Lightning had since gotten used to it, although she noticed how Serah would sometimes jump when a particularly loud or ominous noise was made. Lightning watched her sister now, fully appreciating the fact that she was _here_ alive and well. Something that she had first believed impossible, then bloomed into a fancy dream, until it took over her train of thought. And her she was, laughing, smiling, _living_. But she felt guilty too. Guilty that she could enjoy these things, while Hope was faced with different kinds of pain. The kind that she didn't know how to deal with. The pain of being alone.

_No..._ She said to herself, _He isn't alone. And you're here to make him understand that._

"_But still..." _A voice chimed in her head, _"Is it really the same thing?"_

_It doesn't matter if it is. It's all I have to work with..._

"Light?" Serah asked, pulling her from her thoughts, "Do you remember-"

Lightning gave a quick nod, knowing what she was referring too. Lt. Amodar would be coming by personally at the end of the week to escort them to Palumpolum...to put Bartholomew Estheim to rest. It was only right to put him there...but they would still need an escort. The area itself was being restricted now. It was one of the few areas that wasn't as hard hit, but it was still recovering from the business from before. Security would be tighter. But that was really the least of their worries.

"You're doing a good job Light."

"Hm?"

"With Hope I mean. He needs all the help he can get, but I think you're really the best one for the job."

Why was everyone saying that? They'd say he needed a lot of help. Like she didn't already know that. But they couldn't give her directions or guides on how to help him. Or how to fix it. If it even _can _ be fixed, which was doubtful. She and Serah were never really the same afterward either, so how was she supposed to help? She couldn't fix herself afterward, quite the opposite. If anything, she had made a lot of things worse, throwing herself into her work, blinding herself to the pain by true grit and near death training. Battles and battles that were seemingly endless, but she fought it all. Only recently had she managed to break the habit, and looking in from the outside now, it was obvious that wasn't the best way to solver her problems. So why did everyone seem to think she was the woman for the job.

"Light?"

"I don't think...that's true."

"But Light-"

"All I know how to do is fight Serah...besides...you were never really gone. And even then I fought. I don't know...how to deal with this." Lightning paused, closing her tired eyes, "I know that he seems to find my way of dealing with things...the best way. But I don't see how...I don't see how I can help him-" She jumped when she felt Serah's gentle touch on her hands. She looked at her younger sister, amazed at the sad but gentle look in her eyes.

"It's hard Light...I know it's hard. Believe me. But...you aren't in this alone either. You help Hope when he comes to you...and we'll help in any way we can. You don't have to do everything. And Light...there are never any real answers." She smiled a little as she said those words, but it was sad and wistful, and a faraway look shone in her eyes. "Really...there aren't any. You just keep going...day by day. It's gonna get...really hard." Serah started to blink rapidly, as if fighting something that she just couldn't bear, "And there are gonna be days...that'll make him want to just stop. Stop and block everything out. They'll make him...wonder why...but you know...I think he'll be okay. He may have lost his father...but once he sees...and I mean really _sees_ what's around him, who's around him, he'll start to heal. At least, that's what I believe."

Lightning stared at her sister for what could have been hours or minutes, she couldn't really tell. But Serah wore the same sad, gentle smile and Lightning felt a multitude of emotions in her. Regret...sadness...but hope...and even a little confidence. Fragile confidence, but confidence none the less that she could help this boy that she swore to protect. And then she felt gratitude...gratitude to the sister that she had once thought she would never see again. And Lightning took the moment, the feelings, and buried them in her heart and imprinted them in her mind.

A giant snore from Snow in the next room broke the moment, but the feelings more than lingered.

* * *

Hope couldn't remember the last time he had to wear such dark clothes, but he knew that he hated it with a passion. With the hot Gran Pulse sun beating down on them, the black clothes sucking up the heat like a sponge, his dark mood was only made darker. He watched the others with glazed eyes, taking in only dark blurs as he was left to his thoughts once again.

Sure, admitting it had been a big step, but now the pain assaulted him so much...he was surprised he hadn't thrown up. And Lightning was more or less force feeding him now, never allowing him to leave the table until his plate was cleared. And if that wasn't enough...his dreams were getting weirder and weirder.

Sometimes they would be of his mother, falling to her death all over again, but this time he would see his father jumping in right after her. But then it would fade away, erupting into the sounds of gunfire, and the word weak would echo around him. Others would be of hid companions turning C'ieth, then into his mother and father, then into him. And then there would be screaming...

But one thing he just couldn't understand about these dreams was the constant golden light. It was always there, just before he reached consciousness after the dreams had replayed over and over in his head. And then it would dispel them all as if it had never happened, leaving only the golden light. But for some reason or another, Hope couldn't shake the feeling...that it wasn't good.

"Hope..." Hope jumped as he felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked up to see Lightning there, looking somewhat uncertain, but determined nonetheless. He really had to thank her when he got the chance to. Putting up with all of this...with him. "You'll...be okay." she finished, squeezing his shoulder.

Hope nodded, trying to smile, but it turned into a grimace. He thought again of how hot it was, and wondering what time their escort would get there, and what they were going to do about Snow and Serah's wedding.

Anything other than what was to come.

Hope was startled once again by the sound of an airship landing, sending cascades of dust and loose grass into the air. As it powered down, two people could be seen getting out. While Hope didn't recognize either of them, Lightning seemed to know at least one. She was standing a little straighter now, face set, but Hope could see a trace of worry behind her blue eyes. She _had_ been a part of the Guardian Corp. Guess it would be awkward.

The two men approached, one bulky and well tanned. He stood tall, an air of wisdom brought on from battle about him, but he didn't seem unapproachable. But today he was solemn, a cloudy look in his eye which spoke of the dreary day. The other man looked much younger, standing well under a foot of the other man. His hair stood up in several places and was a bright gray, although his eyes were a dark brown. He had traded what could only have been Guardian Corp. uniform for civilian clothes, each article the same dark black.

Hope almost wished someone would just pop out in something horribly bright. Like orange...or pink. Anything to break this spell of despair. Being surrounded by it was no good. It made it to easy for him to slip into bad thoughts. Thoughts he wanted to avoid. To run from.

He felt like such a coward...

The two men finally reached them, Lightning going to stand in front of their queue, becoming even straighter as she did so. The more muscular man looked at her for a long time and the air easily became thick. Finally, the man shook his head, letting out a rather heavy sigh before placing a hand on Lightning's shoulder.

"You never did listen to reason Light...look what it got you." his voice was both filled with mirth and worry, but Lighting seemed to stunned to notice. And it only increased ten fold when her former superior hugged her, although he did let go quickly. "You really are as stubborn as a mule you know? But you're okay..." Lightning only stared, at a loss for words, but attention was quickly brought to Snow.

"Hey Lt. Amodar! Got any news on my crew?"

The man, Lt. Amodar, gave a small smile, "You'd get it more often if you just contacted them."

"Well...we haven't really got time-"

"Save it." Lt. Amodar said, raising a hand, "I know. They're doing well, but they're about ready to pummel you for waiting so long to contact them. And who knows, I may have to enlist the help of Team NORA soon. Gotta give something for you band of hooligans to do."

"Really?" Snow paused though, then looked at Serah, giving her a grin, "But it'll have to wait for me. Gotta look out for my girl."

Serah smiled, and for a brief moment, Hope felt a warmth in his chest. It was comforting...to see something like this going on even when everything seemed to be going wrong. But at the same time...he felt a little disheartened. Life went on...nothing would change. Nothing that could bring his father back...just as his mother.

It all just kept going without them…and the more he dwelled on it, the more it felt like it was leaving him behind too.

"I…hear you have been a great help Lieutenant…" Lightning finally said, getting over her stupor.

At this he had looked nervous, but it was a friendly, bashful and kind, "Don't know about that, but the Guardian Corp. seems to think so. Promoting me now…but that might just be because of the lack of men. Things are very disorganized right now." Lt. Amodar paused, then looked over at the so far silent man, "Sorry about that. Haven't even announced my replacement yet. This is soon to be Lieutenant Colin Blake.

The man in question stepped forward and gave them all a nod of his head, looking somewhat nervous. But Amodar took it all in strive. "May not look like much, but this guy used to be one of the top members of the investigations department."

"I technically still am Lieutenant. They said they would only consider positioning me at your post." The man said, looking nervous, "Besides, I still have at least one more investigation to complete. It's very important…"

At this, Amodar's expression turned grim again, and Hope couldn't deny that he felt as if they were talking about something to do with him. Or more importantly…his father.

Amodar turned to Hope now, a sympathetic look on his face. "Hope…Estheim?" Hope gave him a nod, his heart beating unexplainably fast now, "I…apologize for the loss of your father…if you will come with us…we can take you-" A loud buzzing noise started in his head, blocking out the last of Amodar's words, but Hope found his body was now moving on auto-pilot. His head started nodding, and he allowed himself to be led to the airship, the others behind him.

He seated himself, even buckled himself into the airship as it prepared to lift off, but it felt more like he was watching himself do it. And the buzzing in his head was still there, leaving him with a splitting headache that his body just refused to acknowledge. It would get really loud sometimes…but then quiet so that it was almost gone. He would say something to Sazh, or Snow, or Light, but he couldn't really hear it himself. Like he was underwater with earplugs in.

It was frightening…to lose control like this.

Then he was being led off the airship, although by Lightning this time. She held onto his shoulder the whole way, and had Hope been able to take control, he would have said it was strange for her to be so…comforting. Or that he was sorry for worrying her. Something…he would have said something. But whenever he tried…his mouth wouldn't move. His body just refused to cooperate with him, and it frustrated him to no end.

Soon the sights of Palumpolum flooded his eyes, although it all seemed like a hazy dream. But there was no mom or dad, no Cieth, no strange light. This was real…and his head was throbbing with a new kind of force. But it was like the pain was pulling him back from auto-pilot, letting him come back to reality, to realize what was going on. And with one final throb painful enough to make him wince, he blinked and found himself in one of the cemeteries of Palumpolum.

"Hope…" Lightning said, noticing his strange behavior, "Are you…okay?" She cursed herself for the question. Of course he wasn't okay. Who in their right mind would be?

Hope looked up at her, then down at the grave.

The man had said something…something about laying his father to peace. That's what he could gather from his brain as he tried to collect what he had done. But then his hand started to shake, then his whole arm. Staring at the clean grave was hard…harder than it should have been. Like it was trying to swallow him…body and soul. Take him to the mother and father that he had lost…to join them is silent death. But…now that he thought about hit…his mother didn't really have a grave. There was no body…it was gone, somewhere in the Hanging Edge.

Stop…

Gone…somewhere he couldn't reach. But his father was here. So close…yet so incredibly far. Touching this grave, this stone, wouldn't be the same as hearing him speak to him. Saying he loved him. That he was sorry. Or give Hope the chance to say he was sorry. Sorry for leaving him. Sorry for being gone so long. Sorry for being unable to do anything.

I don't…

Why was the sun shining? Why were so many people still warm and alive, when this man was gone? Cold and dead in the ground…joining countless others. Why _did_ people keep going when it was like their hearts were being ripped out? Hope couldn't understand it. Couldn't comprehend it.

Only one thing was really sinking in. His father was gone. His father wouldn't hug him, tell him it was all right, and grieve with him. No more laughing with him. Smiling with him. Crying with him.

The chance was gone. His father was gone. Dead and cold and distant…and it felt like a part of him had died too. So he stared at the grave, barely aware of the others around him, barely aware of Lightning's attempt to coax him out of his dark thoughts.

I don't think…I can do this…I don't…want to think about it…but…

He's gone…gone…gone…GONE.

And it…feels empty.

But the thoughts…won't stop!

And then the second wave of tears came, more powerful and bitter than they had been before. Hope's knees trembled and eventually buckled, but the tears wouldn't stop. Nothing was stopping. Not the thoughts, not the tears, not the pain. His whole body trembled with it…with the pain of his father's death.

And above the Gran Pulse sun still shined.


	4. Build Up

**Hello everyone! I'm sorry that this has taken so long to get out. Real life has caught up with me and it can make it difficult to make timely updates. I am also sorry that I have not yet replied to your wonderful reviews (and trust me, they were great, you all made me very happy) but I do not have a ton of time in the morning, so I'll be responding to them later today instead. But thank you all for them! There were so many, and they made me smile each time! I'm glad you are enjoying the story. This chapter is a bit short, but it sets a very important stage. Don't worry, chapter 5 is a whopper!**

**I hope this is okay, regardless. I don't want to disappoint you guys! Thank you all for the wonderful reviews and other support!**

**Disclaimer: [insert something witty]**

…

* * *

Lightning could only watch as Hope broke down in front of his father's grave, her heart feeling heavy at the sight. It had gone on for some time now, and her legs were going numb from being in the same position for so long. They had each tried to comfort him, but he had remained unresponsive to anything they said or did, and eventually they had to resort to giving him a silent comfort. The worse of the storm however seemed to be calming down, and the sobs had subsided. While his body still trembled, Hope was no longer the unstable mess that they had seen earlier. Now was the time for Lightning to say something...but what?

"Hope..." Lightning tried, trying to find the right words.

"It's okay Light." Hope said, still not tearing his eyes away from the gravestone. "I'll be okay..." he said, barely above a whisper. Lightning could only disagree. Hope was pale...far too pale...and the look in his eyes was so dead and empty...how could she help him?

"No Hope...you aren't-"

"Lightning." Lightning stopped and turned to look at Lt. Amodar, surprised to see Serah and Snow standing beside him as well. They both looked apprehensive which only put Lightning on high alert. What was this about? "You have to give him time...besides...I have to talk to you."

"But what about-"

Again she stopped, but this time it was from the hand on her shoulder, and she turned to see Sazh there, a dark look on his face. "Don't worry Lightning, I'll keep an eye on him with Colin over there." Sazh tilted his head toward the bright haired man, giving her a strained smile, "I already talked with Lt. Amodar...so it'll be fine." Lightning looked Sazh up and down, trying to see something that she wasn't even sure of. She didn't want to leave Hope alone for long, even in the hands of someone she knew, but she supposed it would have to do. Eventually she gave a slight nod before turning to Lt. Amodar again.

"Very well Lieutenant." She said, trying to bury her worry again. Amodar nodded and turned around to lead them to a small vehicle. Lightning followed them at their brisk pace but cast one more look at Hope and the others before getting inside. She still didn't know how she was going to help...but she'd do anything to bring the life back into his eyes.

* * *

Sazh watched the others leave, feeling at a loss of what to do himself. Hope had been here for a long time now...the evening was approaching. And whatever was going through his head, it couldn't be good. And being in front of his father's grave was only going to make it worse. But what could he do to get this kid to break out of his funk, if only for a while?

"We should...go out for ice cream." The man named Colin said. Sazh had to do a double take at this one. Ice cream? Had he really just suggested they go out for ice cream? Sazh was about to reprimand, or at least find out why, when Hope stood up.

"Uh...Hope?"

Hope paid no attention to Sazh, moving to stand in front of Colin instead. His legs wobbled, still numb from their last position, but there was an aura about the boy that made Sazh more than nervous. Hope kept his head bowed and his arms straight at his sides, although one hand was clenched. He simply stood in front of Colin, barely even breathing.

"Ice cream? That's your suggestion? We go out for ice cream?"

"Affirmative."

Sazh was about to step in, sensing the direction the situation was going, but Hope had already raised his fist. The next thing any of them knew, Colin was bent double, clutching his stomach and gasping for breath. Hope let out a heavy breath, glaring at Colin with angry eyes.

"Hope-"

"It's fine..." Colin said, stopping to catch his breath. As soon as it was back, he let out a heavy exhale and stood straight, giving Hope...a respectful look? "You hit hard..." Colin said ruefully, touching his stomach gingerly. "Way harder for a normal civilian...but I suppose you technically aren't huh?"

Both Sazh and Hope froze at the supposedly off hand comment, but the look Colin gave them suggested that it was anything but. Before either could respond, Colin continued.

"Hope Estheim, son of deceased parents Nora and Bartholomew Estheim. Known former Pulse l-cie. Fourteen-years old, exactly five feet tall, hates sour things, right-handed, summoner of Alexander, and known to have had a hand in the take down of Orphan. Accompanied by Sazh, Lightning, Snow, Fang, and Vanille. Fang and Vanille are in the center of the new Cocoon. Hope Estheim is currently under the care of Snow Villiers, Serah Farron, although soon to be Villiers, and her older sister Lighting Farron...otherwise known as Claire."

Sazh could feel his heart hammering in his chest and how dry his throat had become. It was a moment before he was able to speak.

"H-How- How do you-"

"Because it was my Focus...to know. But I'm sure we can talk this over some ice cream."

* * *

"Where are we going Lt. Amodar?" Lightning asked, staring across to him. She, Snow, Serah, and Amodar had entered the car and were now driving aimlessly around Palumpolum. It had been quiet for some time, Serah and Snow finally growing tired of enjoying the sights through the window.

"Nowhere...really..." Amodar said, looking out the window with a wistful smile.

"Then what do we need to discuss?"

"Straight to the point as always...but I suppose you do have other obligations to fulfill. I'll leave the second thing for later...that's just between Lightning and myself. This concerns Hope Estheim..." The tension rose so fast a person could have choked on it. Lightning instinctively leaned closer, as did Snow and Serah.

"What is it?"

Amodar cleared his throat, clearly looking uncomfortable, "Well...as anyone could guess, Hope is now an orphan. We tried to find any remaining relatives...but none have come forward or shown up in our database..."

"Why couldn't Hope come then? I mean...it concerns him..."

"I'm getting to that. Anyway, since Hope has no current legal guardians, he'll eventually be placed in an orphanage. He's only fourteen...the officials won't let it go for long."

"Then we'll adopt him. No questions about it!" Snow said, looking deadly serious. It was unnatural on him...to be so serious and worn. Although Lighting did admire it too. And while she doubted they could do much for Hope at this moment, that did not mean he'd be better off somewhere else. Whether they were ready or not wasn't an issue. He was a part of this family and he was going to stay.

Amodar smiled at Snow's enthusiasm, but ii seemed sad, "You sure?"

"There is no question." Lightning said, looking determinedly at him. Amodar nodded, leaning back into the seat.

"That's good. The kid is really going to need it." Amodar sighed, looking up at the car's ceiling, "I'm worried about this whole incident. Bartholomew Estheim's death was unexpected...and with the Sanctum's recent upheaval...it's surrounded by conspiracy." Lightning could feel her heart beating faster...they had left him with the Calvary. It was possible for him to have been turned over to the Sanctum...

"And it is because of this...that an investigation is being run."

"What?"

"Yes...we can't just let something like this go. But, as you will soon be Hope's legal guardians...I will be releasing the results of the investigation to you. It will be your decision as to whether or not you inform Hope." Not good...Hope's reaction at this point could either be very mature...or very bad...and Lightning doubted she could willingly keep something like this from him.

"I-I understand."

"The next matter at hand...is the will of Bartholomew Estheim..."

"Will?"

"Yes...it seems he has left everything to his son. At the moment though, it is inaccessible. The remnants of the Sanctum are trying to withhold it and contest the will, claiming that a Pulse l-cie has no right to the earnings and possessions of a Sanctum employee...whether they are the man's son or not."

"What!" Snow shouted, Serah grabbing his arm to calm him down.

"I understand how you feel...and believe me we won't let this come to pass. We'll make sure Hope inherits what his father left him...it just might take a while. After that has panned through, you'll have enough access to take care of him. We'll let you draw out enough to really rebuild your homes, then to take care of Hope properly. It's stated in the will that once Hope turns twenty one that he is to have full access to the accounts. And after everything between the Sanctum is settled, his old home in Palumpolum and all the possessions within will belong to Hope as well."

"Phew..." Snow sighed, Serah nodding in agreement. "So...um...just how much will Hope inherit? Will it be enough to last him...?"

"Well, Bartholomew was a well respected, and well paid, Sanctum employee. And as you could tell from his home, his family was far from bad off. To be honest...if he's smart with it, Hope should have enough to last him his life."

"He won't want it though." Lightning said, crossing her arms and glaring at the car floor. "It won't help him. Not in the way he needs it."

"No...No it won't..." Amodar sighed, looking out the window, "But that's where you all come in...I suppose. Driver, stop." Amodar called. The vehicle began to slow down and eventually came to a halt. "I need to talk to Lightning outside. We'll see you two in a bit." Amodar said, opening the doors to reveal one of Palumpolum's parks. "After you."

Lightning nodded, putting up her guard, and stepped out of the vehicle. Amodar followed her, signaling to the driver to go around the park a few times. It took off, leaving Lightning and the Lieutenant alone.

They stood in silence for a few moments, watching each other, taking in every detail. It had been quite some time since they last seen each other and they were scanning them for the tiniest differences. Any hint to change. There were many.

"What is it that you wanted to talk about Lieutenant?"

"Always straight to the point...aren't we Lightning." Amodar chuckled a little, but it quickly died. He looked at her, more serious than Lightning had ever remembered him, and cleared his throat. "Lightning...how would you feel...if I reinstated your position in the Guardian Corp. Promotion and all?"


	5. Over Ice Cream

**Another chapter at the ready. First, my anonymous reviewers, and one who I can't reply to:**

**Hope's Light: Colin does doesn't he? He's a strange man. And something good had to happen to Hope, I've done nothing but torture him the last few chapters...but it was still really small wasn't it. But thank you!**

**HopexLightning: Super Hope Punch! BAM! As for Lightning...she's got a decision... Thank you for the review.**

**HopexLight4Ever: I know...this whole story is sad..but, I'm glad you all like it! Thank you!**

**In Light There's Hope: Yeah...not Snow's brightest move. Thank you for the review.**

**Naoto07: Yay! More interest as to Colin's connection to Hope...Hope (pun!) this chapter quenches your thirst a little! Thank you for the review!**

**Ointmentjar: They would do a good job if Light should choose to do so. And Snow would have fun wit it too. But Hope might be so sad...he might only want to listen to Light. He can be so stubborn. Who knows (me but I can't say) what Colin is about. Some revelations in this chapter perhaps? I hope you enjoy it and thank you for the review!**

**Thank you all for all the support you have given me! I'm really glad you are all interested in Colin too. And what can I say...the man loves his ice cream! I hope this chapter is good as well, and that you all enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer!**

…

* * *

Hope had only known Colin Blake for a few hours but he was already convinced that he didn't like him. They now sat in a small ice cream shop, the sunset's rays sending golden light through the windows. Hope was surprised at the number of people that were still there, and how many of those people could fit inside an ice cream shop.

"Sazh, would you mind picking up the ice cream? I'm still a little winded from that punch." Colin said as they slipped into a booth. Sazh glared at him, but glanced at Hope. He nodded at him, silently saying he could handle it. Sazh shrugged his shoulders, although inside he was more than nervous.

"Fine. What flavors do you want?"

"I'll take vanilla. Hope?"

"Strawberry."

"All right then."

"Thanks." Colin pulled out a small wallet and handed it to Sazh. "Get as much as you want. It's the least I could do for dragging you here."

"Yeah, yeah." Sazh took the wallet and headed for the line, groaning when he saw how long it was. He was gonna be here for a while.

Hope stared at the table, trying to numb himself out. He had no intention of talking to this man, none at all. He was going to wait until Sazh showed up. He was going to ignore him, no matter-

"Your friend has quite a wait ahead of him..." Colin said, leaning back on the padded chair. "That will give us a chance to talk."

"I have nothing to say to you."

"That doesn't mean I don't have something to say to you. Trust me...you'll want to hear it."

"I said-"

"If Lt. Amodar were to find out that I'm telling you this, right here and now, I would be court marshaled and stripped of my rank. Trust me, this is something you'll want to hear." Colin waited, but Hope made no further interruptions, or other signs that he had heard him, so he continued, "As mentioned, I am a member of the investigations department. Prior to my release from l-cie servitude, I was tasked with collecting information on Pulse and Sanctum l-cie alike. But now...well I am obviously free to do as I please..."

"So you joined the Guardian Corp?" Hope asked before he could stop himself.

"Yes...although I still retain my status as a member of the investigations department. There were a few things I had to take care of..."

"And one of them...concerns me?"

"Indeed. I don't know if you remember what Amodar said about my previous assignment, but that is the one referring to you. Hope...I know this is a sore subject...and it's going to be for quite some time...but I am in charge of investigating your father's death."

It was weird. Hope had expected...to be angry. Or sad. Or a combination of both. He expected to reach over and hit the man, to say that he didn't need to know. That his father was dead and nothing would change it. He didn't expect his heart to hammer so hard in his chest that he gasped for breath. He didn't expect a crippling fear to overtake his senses and make him wish for his mother's embrace.

He didn't expect uncertainty.

"B-But why-"

"When you think about it...it's not so hard to imagine. At the moment, dregs of the Sanctum are doing everything in their power to stay afloat. They still lash at the l-cie, still condone the old ways, and a scared people may be more than willing to cling to them, no matter how wrong or ineffective. Their whole way of life has been uprooted, so many people dead...they will want something familiar to cling to...even if it is but a rotting pillar." Colin paused glancing at Sazh before continuing, "It is time the people saw that the Sanctum is not all that precious or holy...and as much as I hate to say it Hope, I'm more than certain the Sanctum had a hand in your father's death..."

It was out in the open...the thing that Hope had prayed no one would say. He didn't know how he would react, but quickly his mind worked to resolve those fears and uncertainties. Perhaps it was just an accident, maybe it had only been a skirmish as the old Cocoon came down.

Trying to make his father's death sound less...horrible...disturbed Hope. His stomach churned uncomfortably and he fought to say something.

"But...what if he-he turned...C'ieth...?" Was C'ieth better? The obvious answer was no...not at all. But something flickered in Colin's eyes that looked close to understanding.

"No Hope..." Colin offered no reason for his answer. No explanation...only said it wasn't true. And Hope hated it...hated it because he didn't know what to do. What to think.

Or what he _would_ do if the Sanctum was truly responsible for his father's death.

Hope looked at Colin, expecting the man to continue, but instead noticed he was looking up. Hope followed his line of vision and there was Sazh, ice cream at the ready.

"All right then." He said, setting the bowls down, "Time to talk."

* * *

"Back?" Lightning managed, still trying to let the news sink in.

"Yes." Amodar said, crossing his arms, "Back with the Guardian Corp. We need you Lightning, now more than ever. I'm sure you can see the plight that Cocoon faces-"

But his words were drowned out by the wide range of emotions that assaulted Lightning. Happiness, eagerness, but then fear and uncertainty. Then something else...something she couldn't place...but then Hope's image flashed in her mind.

_Ah...so that's it..._

"Lt. Amodar...I don't know...if I can really take you up on your offer."

"But Light..."

_These feelings..._

"I'm sorry...but I don't think I can. I know how Cocoon is struggling...but right now..."

_It's...responsibility...but there's something more. Deeper..._

"Right now, I can't help but feel that Hope needs me more. Even though I can't do much to help him, I want to-"

_Is this what it's like..._

"Even if the things I do are small...if they help at all it's worth it."

_...motherhood?_

"And...as weird as it sounds, that includes my career in the military." Silence met her words, a soft breeze whispering reassurances to Lightning. Rays of light continued to pour on them, bathing them in gold, and Lightning took strength from it. Her heart felt both heavy and light, happy and sad, but more than that, certain.

Certain that Hope needed her.

And she wasn't about to let him down.

"You really have changed Lightning." Amodar finally said, shaking Lightning out of her thoughts, "More so than I ever thought you would."

Blushing slightly, Lightning was quick to replace the guard she had let down as she thought of her decision, her tone brisk and professional once more. "I'm sorry Lieutenant, but I cannot accept your offer. I'm afraid you will have to find someone else to fulfill those duties."

Amodar sighed, looking more tired and worn than Lightning ever remembered him to be. "Lightning...I don't think you realize how important you are to the Guardian Corp. Our forces were severely reduced, newbies are taking roles they never would have touched without years of proper training. I need trained soldiers with plenty of experience to help Cocoon get back on its feet."

"And I'm saying I have people who need more more than the Guardian Corp."

Amodar opened his mouth to say something but closed it almost immediately. He took a deep, calming breath and considered his next words. "Lightning...I understand how you feel for the boy...why you would want to be near him-"

"Then you understand why I can't-"

"And I also know that the boy is a good fighter." Amodar waited for his statement to sink in before continuing, "I read the reports on him, on all of you. He has a lot of potential as a fighter. And he'll gain even more as a soldier-"

Something deep inside of Light was touched and a rush of memories poured into her mind. There was Serah, begging her not to go, the sad looks, the constant battles, the numbing of feelings, her constant exhaustion, hardening herself.

Forgetting herself.

She would not let that happen to Hope.

"I refuse..." She growled, balling her hands into fists.

"Light-"

"I will not...have him turn out like me..." She hissed, although it seemed more to herself than anyone. She glared at nothing in particular, thoughts swirling from broken images of her parents, to Serah, and to Hope. She shuddered as she imagined him toting a gun, a hard and cold look on his face, as he came across target after target, slaughtering them all with cold efficiency. All of it to escape his pain.

She knew it would happen if they tried it now. She knew from personal experience that battles were a convenient way to numb oneself out and avoid their pain. But it could destroy them in the process...Lightning was lucky enough to have been brought back.

But she didn't know if she could do the same with Hope.

"I understand Lightning..." Amodar said after a tense silence. She gave a curt nod and watched the horizon, aware of Amodar pulling out his cell and calling the vehicle. They stood in silence as they waited, neither looking or saying a thing to one another. Eventually the car pulled up and they bowed their way. Lightning avoided Snow and Serah's questioning looks, looking out the window instead.

* * *

"Well, get talking." Sazh said, having refused to get ice cream of his own. Although he did feel rather pleased as he watched Hope lick the double scoop strawberry he had gotten him. Anything would help, no matter how small.

Colin took an appreciative lick of his own ice cream before looking at them. "Yes...well, as you know, I was a l-cie. A Sanctum l-cie to be precise." Colin paused, looking disgusted, before his face shifted back to neutral, "My Focus was to watch your group, gather data, and keep track of your progress as you were prepared to take on Ragnarok's form. Needless to say, Orphan's fall helped to cancel this." Colin paused again, taking a deep breath. "But that does not mean things are fixed. Sanctum officials are still on the move, desperately trying to patch up the holes that have appeared in their structure."

"But Orphan is gone..."

"Yes...but only Orphan. Think of all the other fal-cie, alive and still working for Cocoon. How many of them really survived? How many of them can still make humans into l-cie? They can still threaten us...still bring us to shackles, yet the Sanctum wishes to cling to them!" Colin stopped, taking deep breaths before he lost himself completely. Some of the customers had glanced back at him, but they quickly returned to their business as they were met with hard looks

"Anyway, that was my job. I really got to know about your little troupe, and for a long time...I didn't think that you would be able to defy the destiny you were handed. You were determined though...I admired you for that...and when everything happened...it was just...too much..." Colin smiled, although it was strained, as if he were still trying to let the truth sink in. "Before I knew it...I was free. But even with that freedom...there was still so much I had to do. I even if we are technically l-cie no longer...I fear that not all the troubles that came with being an l-cie are over."

"So...that's what you wanted to talk about? Well, warn us about? That there might still be some problems?"

"That's part of it." Colin said, with barely a half glance at Hope, "I would love nothing more than to help you all, especially after what you've done. After all, there's no telling what will happen to us now...or what side effects there will be. But I must also warn you of the Sanctum...until they are brought down, we must all be on our toes. There's no telling what they'll do."

Sazh let out a heavy sigh, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Is that why Lt. Amodar is so antsy? I mean...the last thing I expected when I came her was to be asked to return to my position as a pilot."

Colin smiled ruefully, but Hope whipped his head around to stare at Sazh. He was offered his position back. But then...what about Lightning. She had been in the military too. And she...she had a lot going for her too...And right now...all he was being was a burden...

"Yeah...Lt. Amodar is probably asking Lightning something similar. I can't blame him though...he's got a tough job ahead of him and he's doing what he can to prepare for it."

Lightning...might leave him....

But he...he wasn't ready for that.

"No..."

"Hm?"

"She can't go!" Hope shouted, standing up. There door to the ice cream shop jingled open and Lt. Amodar entered, even as Hope was shaking his head and mumbling to himself. "I can't...I can't be alone...no...no..."

"Hope..."

"Colin!"

"Shit..."

"Why did you bring them to an ice cream shop?"

"I-I was hungry..."

"That doesn't mean-"

"Hope..."

Hope jumped at the familiar voice and looked over at Lightning as she strode over to their table. All eyes were on them, but Hope paid them n o mind. All he could concentrate on was the growing dread he feel as Lightning approached. Surely she would tell him that she was going back to the military, that she just couldn't take care of him.

If he were in his right mind, this might have seemed a little ridiculous. But all he could think of was how so many people were leaving him and how Lightning was probably next. Of how weak he was.

Of how much he really couldn't stand being alone.

"L-Light."

"It's okay Hope." Lightning said, having reached him. She placed a hand on his shoulder and gave it a light squeeze. "We'll go back soon."

"Light..." He mumbled, grabbing her shirt and hugging her tightly, "Promise you won't leave."

"Promise...promise...I don't want to be alone..."

"H-Hope..." Lightning took a deep breath and hugged him closer, his desperation only reaffirming her decision. She would not leave him. Not now... "I'm not going anywhere Hope. No one is. I promise."

"Good...good..." Hope breathed, although more weakly than before. Concerned, Lightning pried him away from her and looked him in the eye. His face was red and sweat clung to his skin. His breathing was weaker as well and his eyes seemed dull and unfocused.

"Looks like you got yourself sick again...must be all the stress." Lightning said to herself. "We'll be going then." Lightning called, deciding that enough was enough. "We can tell what we talked about later." Lightning said to Amodar, "But for now, he needs rest and medicine. Will you escort us home?" Amodar nodded, gesturing for the others to follow. Colin was the last to leave, keeping a close eye on Hope's now unconscious form as they left the small ice cream shop.

* * *

_It's...always the same light..._

_These last few dreams...that's all I see..._

_It's becoming a blur..._

_Do I want to know? Or not? I'm scared...I'm scared of knowing..._

_I'm scared of being alone..._

_I'm scared of so many things..._

_I'm so weak. I'm such a coward. And that stupid light...when will it go away..._

_Lightning...can you and the others make it stop? It has too...it has too...I'm sure if it doesn't...something bad will happen..._

_Mom...Dad...I want to see you..._

"_Hope..."_

_Mom?_

"_Hope..."_

_Dad?_

_Did it hurt when you died? Was it quick? Were you dead before you hit the ground mom? How did you die dad? Will I be angry? Will I understand?_

_Will I want to hurt something?_

"_The fal-cie still exist..."_

_That's right...they do..._

_But what does that have to do with anything? Why does it matter?_

_There are so many questions...but no one has the answers..._

_And that stupid light keeps getting brighter..._


	6. Eruption

**Another update! I hope you all enjoy this chapter as well! Responses to anonymous reviews:**

**Scarlet Sorrow: I'm really happy you're enjoying the story! As fir the request, I'm afraid that I can't do that (at least in the near future). It just doesn't fit the story right now...but maybe later, or a special one shot? I hope you still enjoy the story!**

**Hope's Light: Hope can't catch a break, but he does indeed have Lightning! Yay!**

**HopexLightning: Lightning cares too much to leave him! But Hope needs help soon...he's gonna crack...**

**HopexLight4Ever: His dreams are pretty strange...but I like making them. I think it helps with symbolism a lot...but what do they mean?**

**In Light There's Hope :3: Yup! I'm glad you were interested in Colin! I always feel a little nervous when introducing an OC. As fir Hope, he's getting pretty worn down. I feel bad for putting him through all this (but not enough to stop).**

Naoto07 : They do have quite a challenge ahead...but Lightning will do what she can. She'll always be there for Hope.

**I want to thank you all for the reviews! They always make me happy, and I appreciate the support! But I will stress this again, as I mentioned last chapter: This is NOT a romance fic. I want to write HopexLight, but this idea keeps a more parental thing. And I want to keep it that way, if that's all right. I hope you can all still enjoy the story, and please understand, it's just how it came out! Please read and enjoy!**

**Disclaimer...**

…**.......................................**

"I knew he wasn't well...but I didn't think it would be this bad..." Snow said, resting his chin on his hands. They were back in their small home, although Colin was among their number as he waited for Amodar. Sazh had gone home to relieve the babysitter of their duty, promising to be back when he could. Now Lightning, Snow, Serah, and feeling awkward, Colin, sat in the small dining room.

"It's to be expected...all this stress was bound to affect him. It's been a tough few days..." Lightning said. She closed her eyes, trying to keep her growing panic from consuming her. Hope wasn't well and was only getting worse. She had no means of helping him and was stumped as to what to do. She needed something that she could fight, something she could address.

And from what Sazh had said earlier, Colin would be the perfect target.

"Is it true you were a Sanctum l-cie?" She questioned suddenly. Snow and Serah jumped in surprise, but Colin's face remained impassive. He offered only a slight nod, gesturing for her to continue. "So what Sazh said-"

"Is true, yes. Did he tell you about the fal-cie as well?"

"Yes actually... But what can we do about it?"

Snow and Serah looked confused, and Snow was about to interrupt, but Serah held him back. She didn't know what was going on, but she knew Lightning was trying to do something, anything that might feel like progress. She didn't know if this would help, and she doubted that her sister knew either, but that didn't mean it wasn't worth a shot.

"At the moment, there is very little we can do. We have to wait for the Sanctum to either make its move or the Guardian Corp. But even if the Sanctum were to dissolve, there's no guarantee we'll be able to just destroy the fal-cie. The whole thing is a mess." Colin took a deep breath, looking out at the now dark sky. "Truth be told, I'm more concerned about we ex-l-cie."

"Why?"

Colin touched the back of his neck, and Lightning, Snow, and Serah were all reminded of their own brands. Perhaps that's where his was...after all, it was only natural to touch the constant reminder of impending doom.

"Our brands are gone...but you still have your Eidolons, right?"

"Y-Yes..." Snow said, remembering the crystal he still held that contained the two ice sisters.

"Why are they still there if we are no linger l-cie? What's more, have any of you tried to cast magic since the brands were removed?"

"No." Lightning said crisply, getting impatient, "We figured it wouldn't work anymore."

"That's what I though too...but..." Colin held out his hand and closed his eyes. The next moment, a small ice crystal was floating in his hand.

A Blizzard Spell...

"But...But how?"

"That's another question that I don't have the answer to, but it has me more than concerned. But...there's really no way to uncover the truth with all the warping the Sanctum has done to Cocoon over the years. That means that the best information on l-cie...is somewhere among the ruins of Gran Pulse. Getting clearance to investigate...is going to take more than a little time."

"But you are working on it?"

"Yes..."

Lightning sighed. Yet another thing she would have to wait for. When was she actually going to be able to help someone? Maybe make something right? It seemed like all she could do was fumble around...unable to find the right direction she needed.

It was incredibly frustrating.

"Lightning...about Hope." She looked up at Colin, studying his face as she tried to read what he was trying to say. He looked away from her, choosing his words carefully. "I know that he is under a lot of stress...and that right now it's causing him his illness...but watch for anything abnormal. One can never be to careful."

Before she could ask him exactly what he meant, Lt. Amodar returned, knocking softly on the door before walking inside. "Hello everyone...just here to pick up Colin." Said man stood up immediately, striding to Amodar's side. Behind the two of them, Lightning could just make out a woman with a veil, but she recognized her as the babysitter brought for Dajh.

"Goodbye everyone, we promise to have this whole mess fixed soon." Colin said cheerfully, waving at them. Amodar nodded in acknowledgment and followed the two out. Colin's, "Can we go out for more ice cream?" was just barely heard as the airship started, and soon the roar was too much to hear any of them. The three waited until the airship took off, then stared at one another as silence took hold.

"Well this sucks..." Snow said, closing his eyes as he broke the silence.

"Brilliantly put Snow."

"Aw, c'mon sis. Just trying to clear my head."

"I don't see how stating the obvious is going to help."

"Hey, I'm just trying-"

"Stop!" Serah said, much louder than she intended. She blushed slightly and brought a hand to her mouth, continuing in a much lower tone, "Now isn't the time for this. The last thing any of us needs is to argue. Hope needs us and we need a strategy." She turned to Lightning at the last part and Lightning did her best to hold in a groan. Why did _everyone _seemed to think she knew what to do about Hope?

Serah, sensing her sister's discomfort, said in a soothing tone, "He trusts you Light. You've just go to talk to him. Even if you don't know what to say, he'll be happy that you do..."

Lightning sighed, letting her eyes wander to the room that the feverish Hope now slept in. Serah was right...even if she didn't know how to handle it, she needed to start somewhere. Feeling the impulse to check on him, Lightning headed for his room without another word. She knocked softly, hardly expecting an answer, and gave the door a gentle push. There was Hope where she had left him a few hours before, still curled in bed, another cold compress on his face. She silently made her way to him and took off the rag, letting her fingers ghost across his red hot forehead. His face scrunched up a bit but he leaned into her touch, head still sweating.

"Mom..."

Lightning was about to retort with the usual, "Not even close." but stopped herself. Technically...she _would_ be soon. And as much as the thought absolutely terrified her, because she was sure she would screw something up, it also sounded...almost nice. Or something...well, it was a warm feeling she just couldn't quite pin down. But she could recognize the feeling, the want to protect the boy before her. She had felt it since their little journey as l-cie really took off...but now it seemed so much stronger.

"We have a lot to talk about Hope..." She mumbled, stroking some stray hairs away from his face, "But for now...we'll let you rest. And then we'll figure this out, one step at a time, okay?" Not quite sure who she was trying to convince, she continued to stroke his hair as she went over her thoughts. Hope's steady breathing filled the room, but an occasional whimper would escape. And Lightning would feel the need to take those cries of discomfort or anguish away. She wanted to see Hope smile again...she wanted to see him okay. Or as okay as was possible.

Those thoughts and all the strategies she could use to achieve that goal swam in her head, her hand moving in Hope's hair mechanically now. And she did not leave until Snow came to retire for the night.

…......................................

When Hope first came to, he wondered briefly why he felt so hot and sweaty and why his stomach wanted to rebel against him with such ferocity. He thought of the cool hands that had touched his forehead, then the scratchy cold that had come to him after. He had barely been awake then…but those hands felt strangely like his mother's…

His mother…

He sat up, more quickly than he should have, as the thought brought a torrent of other thoughts to his head. Those swirling images of his mother as she went to her death…but was that just a haunting dream?

No…

But in the moment of realization, he desperately wished it to be.

Remnants of the dream floated into and out of his thoughts, parts that seemed wrong, parts that seemed right, little details that meant nothing and everything. The confusion was dizzying, his thoughts refused to sort themselves out, and his head joined the throbbing of his stomach.

"Why is this happening…" he mumbled to himself. Remembering where he was, he glanced at the other bed and saw Snow resting peacefully. The room would have been pitch black if not for the dim moonlight making its way into the window. Sighing, Hope stared at it, trying to pick apart yet another dream. The same light again…how many had he had of it?

And…and his father had been there too. But this time…this time he jumped after Nora, following her into the dark pit. It had swallowed them whole…leaving him alone and afraid and helpless. Then he remembered laughing…shrill and high, but then soft like a song. It pulled him every which way as he struggled to comprehend what was going on! And that same light flashed again, bright and blinding, burning his retinas. Hope was sure he was blind, the blur between his dreams and reality was lost but he fought to bring it back.

The next time he opened his eyes, Hope was gasping for breath. His eyes were wide and scared, a deer in headlights, and he tried to calm his rapid breathing. Was that him…remembering the dream? Or had that really just happened? He shook his head, trying to make sense of it all, but a soft breeze made him really look at his surroundings again. He was outside now…in the same field he had collapsed in a few days ago. But how…how had he gotten here?

"Why…why is this happening…" he said to himself, his words lost on the wind. He looked up at the sky, eyes staring at the stars that littered the dark blue, and felt his head throb again and again. Was his brain trying to hop out or something? And his stomach couldn't handle itself…the sensation…

Hope's knees buckled and he heaved. Again and again, only bile coming up his throat because of how little he had eaten. He closed his eyes, arms shaking dangerously as they struggled to keep him up, and he tried to make sense of it again. But it was all too chaotic, a giant mess that hounded him relentlessly. He wished, if only for a fleeting moment, that he could disappear and never feel anything again.

His parents would never feel again…they were gone…long gone. Dead and buried or lost in some skirmish. His mother's body lying among many others. His father's in the ground of a cemetery, the last bit of family he had, and it was reeked with uncertainty. And Hope wished he could be with them, dead and gone and off in some afterworld with them. Anything to escape the pain, to see them again!

He wanted it stop!

"I can't…I can't do this…I'm-I'm too fucking weak!" He shouted, pushing himself away from his vomit, standing and moving away from the field, away from the others. "I want it to stop! Just stop!"

The laughter started again, and whether a figment of Hope's mind or the mockery of some Gran Pulse creature, it echoed around his head. He shook himself, trying to stay calm, but only succeeding in working himself into a frenzy. "Stop! STOP!"

"_I'll never stop…not until you see…"_

And Hope looked for the new voice, relieved and scared and angry. He whipped his head around, even as his vision swam, but then a new voice joined his midnight stroll.

"Hope!" And he turned ad saw Lightning there, looking more worried than he had seen her in a while. She blurred a little in his vision, but Hope could still make her out, and just a little away was Snow…and maybe Serah? Or was his head playing tricks on him?

But Lightning was definitely getting closer…and so was the laughter! The laughter and the voice…and Hope decided that Lightning shouldn't ear it. It was driving him mad…the last thing anyone needed was Lightning going nuts too.

"Stay away!" he called, shaking his head but immediately regretting it. "Just don't! I-"

"Hope, I know that this is hard-"

"NO! You don't get it!"

"Then help us understand! I want to help you Hope, everyone does. We're in this together-"

"You can't help me! AGH!" One hand went to his head, the other to his stomach as they both roared and throbbed and stung, knocking the wind out of him with the sheer ferocity. Magic symbols appeared at his feet, symbols he thought he had been done with, and spread around him. His world tilted and swayed and he could feel his knees wobble with weakness. Why was this l-cie business still bothering him. Why couldn't anything leave him alone!

"When is this gonna stop!" he cried in desperation. But even as he shut his eyes, half expecting some weird trial from his Eidolon Alexander, there was a whisper in his ear...

_It is not I..._

It took Hope a moment to realize it was Alexander who had spoken to him. But then the words sunk in and he felt panic settle inside. What the hell was this then!? What was going on?

When did everything decide to screw up?

"Hope!" Lightning called, taking a few cautious steps forward as the light swirled around him. "You have to calm down…"

"I-I can't Light-I just-just-"

"Remember Hope…it's not whether you can or can't…you just do."

"But I don't know what to do anymore!" Hope shouted, a burst of energy flying around and striking Lightning who just raised her arm in time. She hissed as it left a red hot burn, giving it a quick touch before returning to the matter at hand.

"I know you don't Hope…" She tried, trying to ignore the look of utter horror on his face. He started to shake his head, hardly believing that _he _ had been the cause of that, and started to close his eyes. Lightning wouldn't let him…

"No Hope! You have to keep your eyes open! You can't run from this!" Lightning shouted, finally closing the distance even as the symbols beneath them fought for her removal. She grabbed Hope by the shoulders and gave him a shake, making him look at her. "You have to stay with us Hope! You have to stay, and figure this out. We'll help; we'll do anything we can. But you have to-"

"Who says you can help!" Hope shouted again, tears threatening to fall. The light turned the to the dark gold that had haunted Hope's dreams for the past few days, and he felt a familiar fear and…excitement. His parents seemed to be connected to that light…but so did something else. Something that made his heart beat faster and made fear bubble in his guts. But his parents…

"Hope!" Lightning shouted as she saw his eyes become unfocused. She gave him another shake but he didn't respond. Crippling fear and worry overtook her as she thought of losing this boy who was falling apart right before her eyes. All strategies and common sense left her and she clung to her instinct. She wrapped her arms around Hope's shaking form, felt the heat of his fever rolling of in waves, felt the trembling of his fear, and the tears that fell. And she hugged him as tightly as she could; let him use her as an anchor.

"I'm right here Hope…I'm here…and so is Snow, Serah…Sazh…and Dajh. We're all here." She whispered desperately, wanting him to understand, "Hope…I know that you think you're alone right now…but you're not. I'm here…I'm here…I'm here…" She stroked his hair, barely noticing that the light around them was dimming somewhat. Soon Lightning was just saying what she felt, trying to put her feelings into words. "I know…it might not mean much…but…but I'm going to adopt you…" She felt Hope jolt slightly, but she pressed on while she had the momentum, "And Snow and Serah…they're going to as well. We're going to be your guardians…Hope…you're going to be part of this family. It's…it's no where near what your old family was. I-I know it's not the same…but…you _are not_ alone. I'm here okay? So just…just talk to me."

"L-Light…" Hope mumbled, his voice choking up. "I-I don't know…if I can do this…Light I-" Hope finally returned her embrace, arms trembling, "I'm so scared Lightning…I'm scared…and lost…and tired. I miss my parents…I'm sick of being strong…I want it all to stop! I want…want…I don't know! I don't even know anymore! Light-"

"I know…" Lightning said, tightening her hold. The symbols shook again, dimming and nearly disappearing, but there was a terrifying shriek that echoed. Lightning kept her hold on Hope and slowly reached for her gunblade, but she whipped her head up as the shrieking seemed to descend on them. Hope looked as well, trying to stay upright as hands shot out toward him. But Lightning gave him a final squeeze and struck, Hope barely getting a glance of blue and a strange veil before it was gone.

"Hope…?" Lightning said once it faded, steadying him as he wobbled, "Are you okay?"

"No…" Hope mumbled, "No I'm really not…" And he hugged her again, letting the exhaustion overtake him…knowing Light would hold him up. Lightning had a ghost of a smile on her face, but it turned serious as she looked up at where the hands had appeared. Sighing, she picked Hope up and began to head for the house, letting Snow and Serah swarm in so they could do their own inspection.

But even with the coming worry of what it meant, and making a note to talk to Colin about the incident, Lighting couldn't help but feel proud. As scary and almost disastrous as it was…it felt like they had really gotten somewhere.

It wasn't much…but it was a start.


	7. A Few Steps Forward

**I already have another chapter! You all left me such wonderful reviews! First, to those I can't directly contact:**

**Naoto7- So true! But he'll make it somehow! Lightning is there for him after all!**

**Hope's Light- Yes, and a very important one. And yes, during that instance. But he was just telling him that it wasn't him...well...torturing him. I'm sorry of that part was confusing!**

**HopexLightning- Thank you! I'm glad you'll still like it! Hopefully...it will get better...**

**HopexLight4ever- Hope is definitely on the wrong side. But now that a few things are out in the open...and Lightning is there, something has to get better!**

**In Light There's Hope :3- He is...I really don't give you guys very light chapters do I? But I'm glad you all enjoy it, thank you!**

**Thank you all for the wonderful reviews! They made me very happy, and I hope I can continue to deliver. But I don't think I'll be too worried! You give me a lot of support and I'm really grateful. So thank you again! I hope you enjoy this chapter as well! It's a slight change in pace...**

**Disclaimer goes here.**

…............................................

Sun shined brightly through the windows, the birds chirped loudly as they flew across the sky, and inside the others were huddled in Hope and Snow's room. The aftermath of last night had wound up with them all crowding inside the room , doing their best to take care of Hope. Eventually they all wound up sleeping in the room, Lightning holding Hope as she leaned against the bed's headboard, and Serah and Snow curled with one another on Snow's bed.

Hope slowly opened his eyes, squinting at the light that came pouring in. He sighed, trying not to notice the pain his muscles were in as he tried to crawl out of bed. He glanced down at the pair of arms that were holding on to him and smiled slightly. Leaning into Lightning's hold one more time, he gave her arms a squeeze before crawling out of bed. He bit his lip, holding back a swirl of curse words when he stubbed his toe on the end table, then eased his way out.

"Thanks you guys...for everything..." Hope whispered, looking at them all and taking in the scene before closing the door as quietly as he could. _They've done so much...the least I can do is let them sleep for a while. _

Hope sighed and walked around the house, tracing his way back to the field he had been in the night before. He looked back at the house, easily seen from the field, and felt grateful that it wasn't so far from the house. What would have happened if it was?

Hope closed his eyes, tilting his head toward the sky and basking in the warmth. But he could still feel the chill of the night and the terror those hands had caused him. He couldn't understand what was happening...everything was a mess. And the words...the words still haunted him.

Haunted him...because a part of him wanted it. And more than anything...that scared him.

"What do I do now?" Hope asked aloud, knowing there would be no answer, "Mom...dad...where am I supposed to go?"

The chirping birds were his only answer...

_I guess...I could try it..._

"If what happened last night means anything...then I should still be able to..." Hope mumbled, holding out his hand and concentrating on Alexander. A familiar light and warmth spread throughout his body, making his skin tingle. He had never tried to talk to Alexander like this before...but he needed to do something.

"_Alexander....are you there?" _Silence greeted his words and Hope began to berate himself for thinking it would work. Just when he was about to break the connection, he heard the low rumble of his Eidolon.

"_Be wary...."_

"_What? Alexander why?"_

"_Do not connect with me...she can get to you..."_

"_Who...? Who?"_

"_You must not fall..."_

And just like that, the connection was broken. Hope gripped his head as it gave a painful throb, trying to make sense of the message. It had lasted barely seconds but it left his mind racing. He tried not to get too confused with all the possibilities and meanings...but Hope could be sure of one thing.

It was yet another thing he had no control over.

"Dammit!" He shouted in frustration, throwing his hands into the air. There was a loud, resounding crash and the ground around him was scorched in a quick flash of light. Hope blinked, staring at the flaming and dead grass, and could think of only one thing.

Lightning.

"Great, so I can _still_ do that?" Hope said, rolling his eyes. His sadness had not yet abated, but it was quickly being overcome with anger and annoyance. None of this made any sense. All he was doing was going in circles or waiting for somebody else to give him the answers. He couldn't actually seek them out himself and it was beyond frustrating. It was maddening! He wanted something he could do! Just pour himself into, whether it be another big bad or some poor creature that had the misfortune of crossing his path. Something he could really rip into, resolve some of his pent up emotions.

He blinked.

He was on Gran Pulse, haven of all manner of hostile dangerous animals just itching for a fight.

_Duh._

He ran back to the house, found his trusty boomerang, and started his trek toward Gran Pulse, eager for a fight.

…............................

Snow followed the bobbing head of platinum blond locks as it traveled through the fields of Gran Pulse. When he saw Hope come in for his boomerang he knew something was up, so he made sure to follow him (stealthily of course) and was now hiding behind one of the rather large rock formations. He watched as Hope took out yet another pack of dogs (he couldn't quite recall their name) and felt his hairs stand on end, even once the blizzaga spell had dispersed. It had been like this for hours and Snow was debating whether or not he should go in and stop Hope before he killed himself...

_Fwoosh!_

"_Rargh!"_

Or half of Gran Pulse's beast population...

Hope, however, was slowing down a bit. He was bent double, hands resting on his knees, and he glared at one of the corpses he had made. Then he screamed, a scream filled with anger and something else...something sad...and it made Snow cringe. But then Hope let out a fury of spells, going so far as to unleash a Last Resort. Snow squinted his eyes against the onslaught, but saw the beasts around Hope in heaps on the ground once it all cleared.

_Remind me not to mess with him again..._

Deciding that enough was enough, Snow marched but of his hiding spot and stood just behind Hope. The boy jumped and whipped around, a fire spell at the ready, but immediately deflated at the sight of Snow.

"Hey..." he said gloomily, letting himself fall to the ground.

"Hey!" Snow sat beside Hope, watching the horizon with mild interest. "See you're off depopulating Gran Pulse. I gotta say, you're making pretty good progress."

"Snow..."

"But I'm sure there are better things you could be doing."

"Like what?" Hope said through gritted teeth,

Snow opened his mouth to say something, but closed it immediately, trying to think of what to say. But Hope grasped the silence and continued. "Besides...this helps. I have...something I can fight. A target. It feels like I'm actually doing something. I haven't had that...in a long time."

"But there's gotta be a better way to do it. I mean...it's not like this will fix anything."

"I know that..."

"We just have to get into a normal routine."

"What normal routine?" Hope spat, glaring at Snow, "We've been on the run for the past few months. We destroyed Orphan! My father is dead! Cocoon is in a panic because of the people that have died, and the Sanctum being a mess, and their whole way of living having been upturned! _Nothing_ about this is normal and you want to try and find something...something...so-"

"Hey now."

"No! Because we can't just do that! I can't...I can't...I-I need..."

"Closure." Both Snow and Hope jumped at the new voice and turned to see Lightning. She stood stern, her arms crossed and glaring at the two of them. "Why are you two out here?"

"O-Oh...Hey sis."

"Don't you hey sis me. If you knew where Hope was going, why didn't you stop him?"

"Well I-"

"Whatever. What's done is done." Lightning interrupted, striding over to them. She paused in front of Hope and placed a hand on his shoulder. "We'll figure it out Hope...but we have to be patient...We _will _get answers though...I'll make sure of it." She turned to Snow, "Way to go hero."

"Aw...but I tried."

"Yeah...you just came at the wrong time." She shook her head and looked back at Hope, "I know you're frustrated...believe me. But...you can't go rushing into danger. Even if you can handle _that._" She glanced around at all the corpses, "That doesn't mean that's how you deal with your problems."

Hope looked into her eyes, searching for answers that were and were not there, then looked down at the ground. "Then...what am I supposed to do..."

Lightning sighed, eyes softening as she gave Hope a quick hug, "You live Hope. With us. That's all you can do for now." She looked around and brought out her gunblade, aiming it at a creature. "Now...maybe we can train to pass the time? Instead of that mindless killing you were up too." Hope looked back at her, startled, but a small smile graced his lips again.

"Yeah."

And for the first time...some weight seemed to be lifted off.

….......................

When Serah first heard of their training sessions out in Gran Pulse, she had been alarmed and....surprisingly to Lightning, angry. Really angry. She had said they shouldn't be taking Hope out like this when he had just gotten over his sickness. That it was too soon. That it wouldn't help. That it was too dangerous.

Lightning couldn't help but be reminded of how little of their journey Serah knew about. Of how much they had to endure. But she let her get it off her chest before _calmly_ informing her that they had it under control, that Hope was at least a little better now, and that it was a good way to pass the time until they got news.

Serah just couldn't seem to see how logical this argument was. And when Snow agreed with Lightning...he had been once very lonely fiance.

But as the days passed and Hope's mood relatively brightened, so much so that he actually sought food outside of mealtime, Serah grudgingly admitted that it was helping. And when she had patted Hope on the head and he gave her a wide smile in return, she melted and said she wanted to help too. "By learning cure spells of course!" She had said happily.

Serah always did have a weakness for cute things. But when Lightning brought it up...Snow so ungraciously said, "Like you can talk."

It ended with one very bruised Snow, one very red Lightning, one giggling Serah, and one truly embarrassed Hope.

But all good things had to come to an end...even if they were small things. So when Colin showed up at their door, Lightning was glad she was the only one there at the time.

"Hey Light..." Colin said, none of the usual cheer in his voice. "I've come to tell you that the Sanctum has requested the presence of Hope Estheim and his current guardians in regards to the will of Bartholomew..." Colin looked down, obviously worried...

"What else Colin..." Lightning said, eying him carefully, "Is it something bad?"

"N-No...I think we've won....no, I'm certain we did. It's just...I think I've gotten some evidence about what happened in Bartholomew's death...nothing is concrete...I still have a lot to do...but it points to the Sanctum...after all." He stuttered over the words, biting his lip.

Lightning shook her head, trying not to think of what it could lead to. "A-All right...but-but we can't say anything yet...Not until you're sure." Colin nodded fervently before handing her the papers that detailed when they were expected and what they would be doing. She thanked him, saying that when this was over she had something she needed to tell him before sending him off.

Colin walked to the small airship that waited for him, thoughts returning to the Sanctum. "Sorry Claire..." Colin muttered as he approached, "But it's a little late for that..."


	8. Another Dream

**Another chapter! First, the reviews I can't reply to!**

**Hope's Light- Yes! Fear Hope when he is on the rampage! At least he's getting better!**

**HopexLightning- Yup! He's actually trying to protect him! And Colin does know things...what could they be?**

**HopexLight4Ever- He would make a good exterminator if he really wanted too!**

**In Light There's Hope :3- Hope gets better...then Colin gives them some problems. Or at least reminds them of some...but what will it lead too? Stick around, I think you'll enjoy it!**

**Naoto07- It is indeed! Hopefully they'll make it through!**

**Anyway, I hope you like this chapter! It gets pretty intense I think! I thank you all for the reviews and support and hope this chapter delivers too! I think you'll like it!**

**Disclaimer!**

…**..................................................................**

"_Hope...we need to talk to you..."_

He should have known...how easily it would fall apart. Nothing good lasts forever after all...

"_You see...we're being summoned back to Palumpolum."_

"_Why?"_

It was so fragile...that happiness. Had it even really been happiness? Could it really break so easily?

"_It's-It's about your father's will...the Sanctum was trying to contest it. They're doing the final hearing at the end of the of the week. The Guardian Corp. were handling it so that they could make some final adjustments on their case...to dissolve the Sanctum. They're sure they'll win. That you'll win..."_

Does it even matter anymore? If the happiness can be sucked out so easily...if such tiny reminders of his father's death can haunt him so much...why should he even bother?

"_W-Why didn't anyone tell me!?"_

"_We wanted to Hope...we did...but there was already so much going on...we didn't want to stress you out even more."_

"_How dare they! How dare they think that they can try and say my dad's will is void. I'm his _son_! They-they don't have any right...any right to ruin that..."_

Hope blinked at the ceiling as the words echoed in his head again. It really seemed like the Sanctum was trying to ruin him. Ruin his father...ruin their relationship...make it our as something less than what it really was.

He hated them for it...it was bile in his stomach, acidic and corrosive, burning away at everything it touched. He wanted to throw up but knew he couldn't. If it seemed like he was sick again, Lightning would probably make him stay behind or delay the whole meeting. Hope didn't want that...he wanted to face these people who wanted to haunt him and his father. Who wanted to toy with him...deny him things that they had no right to even think about.

He hated them.

Hated them...

_Hated them!_

He hiccuped and covered his mouth, trying to force the bile down. He would not get sick. He would fight this...the Sanctum would be his target now, even if he could only fight them with words.

"Why...am I so angry...I should have seen this coming...I mean...I was a former l-cie..." Hope mumbled to himself, trying to rationalize his thoughts in the darkness. "It's not lie it doesn't make sense...and it's not like it's not under control...Lightning said so herself..."

_But that isn't the issue..._

Colin's words came flooding back to his mind, becoming a low chant of angry and hatred in Hope's mind, "..._and as much as I hate to say it Hope, I'm more than certain the Sanctum had a hand in your father's death..."_

"_More than certain..."_

_The Sanctum's responsible..._

_That's what he said..._

_And he's in charge of the investigation...he told me so himself...he would know...it's his job to know..._

_And the Sanctum...has the _nerve_ to try and...and...and take what was left away. _

_Disgusting..._

Hope fought another round of sickness and finally shut his eyes, determined to sleep. He would need all his strength tomorrow...

…..........................................................................................

_He was running...running faster than he ever remembered. But why was he running? He couldn't remember...he couldn't...but that light was there again. That annoying golden light...maybe he was running from that? His heart was beating so fast...everything was spinning..._

"_Hope?" Startled, Hope turned and saw his mother, whole and smiling, looking so happy that Hope that she was not dead. But the fleeting feeling was quickly replaced with an old sadness, and he returned her gaze steadily, never speaking a word. "It is you...my son..." Nora ran up to him, enveloping him in her embrace. Pain swelled in his throat and threatened to choke him as he sheepishly returned the hug. _

"_I was so worried...We both were...your father and I."_

_Hope nodded, leaning into her touch, but his eyes pricked with familiar salty wetness. This was fake...it couldn't happen...not anymore..._

"_But mom...how can you worry...when you're dead?" he whispered, tightening his hold on her. But she slipped away from him as if she were made of smoke...something that very well could have been true. She stood in front of him, waiting as Hope straightened himself out, watching her with a pained expression._

"_I guess you're right Hope...you always were a perceptive boy..."_

"_Mom..."_

"_I really shouldn't worry...you're in good hands..."_

"_Mom...I-"_

_I miss you..._

_You and dad..._

"_I know you do...I know..." she said to his unspoken words. She smiled at him...but it was sad and pained...she knew and he knew..._

"_Why...why are you two gone?" Hope questioned, anger and pain choking his voice. He took a few steps forward, not daring to touch the image of his mother. It was a fleeting illusion yes...but touching her again might break it. He wanted to see her...if only for a while. "Why...you did nothing wrong! It-It doesn't make sense...it doesn't it....why! WHY!"_

_Hope jumped when he felt another pair of strong, familiar hands wrap around him, and his father's familiar voice echoed around him, "I know it doesn't make sense Hope...I know..."_

"_When though...when..."_

"_Things like this...they won't make sense Hope. They can't...it never made sense to begin with..."_

"_But...it hurts...it hurts so much...I don't-don't know-"_

"_Don't lose faith Hope...they're all there waiting for you..."_

"_But I-"_

"_All there...you just have to see them..."_

"_I want it to stop though...I want it to stop..." he pleaded, slightly ashamed for sounding like such a child._

"_The tell them and it will make it easier..."_

"_But I-"_

"_And lose those feelings of shame..."_

"_I-I miss you guys so much...I don't know...I don't know what to do..."_

"_Hope...you have to wake up..."_

"_But you..."_

"_Don't give up..."_

_The place that contained only them, the sad and happy place that had all the memories of love and loss, suddenly shook. Hope looked up startled, and felt a wave of panic when he looked and saw his parents gone. "W-wait! Don't go! Not yet! Please!"_

"_Hope..." A new voice, familiar as well...but it only invoked fear. Why...why was this happening..._

_Hands sprung from above, cloaked in white and gold silky sleeves, but he could see the hands underneath. They were blue...pale but blue, with long fingers that seemed to long to grab him. They flew at him and Hope couldn't only back away. They were about to reach him, to sink into him like claws. He screamed. He screamed and shouted as pain blossomed in his head and chest..._

Hope woke up startled, panting heavily as the room tilted...or was it his vision? Sunlight flooded the room and he was alone this time...but he paid it no mind. Instead he reached for his chest, which burned as if it had been lit on fire, and pulled down his night shirt. And there in the center _were_ burns, angry and screaming on his skin, right where the hands had tried to grab him only seconds ago...

…..................................................

"Hope are you all right?" Serah asked as said boy left the bathroom. He had a tired, worried look on his face, but Serah figured it was from the nerves. Not that she could blame him…the Sanctum seemed to be making all their lives a living hell lately. But none more so than Hope.

Hope jumped slightly, but shook his head before hurrying off to his bedroom. Serah sighed and prepared some breakfast, knowing that he wouldn't be up to it, but determined to have him eat. Lightning and Snow joined her soon enough and they all exchange worried looks. Today was going to be hard…the meeting was only in a few hours.

"How's Hope?" Lightning asked, silently taking a plate of eggs.

"He's nervous…he was all jumpy when I saw him a few minutes ago. He should be in his room…if you wanna talk to him."

Lightning nodded before taking a few quick bites of her meal. Then she stood up, ignoring Snow's questions of whether he could finish off her meal, and went to Hope's door. She gave a few soft knocks and waited, but was able to hear a small scuffle going on within.

"Hope?" She questioned, opening the door slightly. She was met with a yelp and a harried Hope as he crashed himself into the door.

"Not ready yet!" he called from the other side. Lightning rubbed the side of her arm and rolled her eyes, but as she moved back to the kitchen, she couldn't stop a small pang of worry. She had seen his chest for a few seconds…and it looked red. Pushing it from her mind, she sat back down at the table and took her plate away from Snow before he could dig in. Hope came in a few moments later, a faint blush running across his cheeks.

"Sorry Light…but I was…getting dressed so…" His voice died but his cheeks were even redder. Snow was biting his knuckles to keep from laughing but Lightning merely shrugged it off. There were more pressing matters to deal with after all.

Hope sat down at the table but refused the plate of breakfast that Serah quickly offered him. He shook his head and offered an apologetic smile, but Lightning gave him a hard look and shoved her own food at him, taking the offered plate from Serah. Hope bit back a sigh and grabbed a fork, simply moving the food around his plate and taking small bites to stay on Lightning's good side. For Lightning it would have to do for now.

All too soon breakfast was finished and the others were left to wait for Colin's arrival. They were to be taken to the meeting on the off chance that officials from either side had to question them. Colin had assured them time and again over the phone that they nothing to worry about and that the will would go through. But that wasn't Lightning's concern.

No…it was the boy in front of her.

The boy who had been maybe a little happy these past few days.

The boy who now refused to look any of them in the eye.

She wanted to say something, anything at all to comfort him, but nothing came to mind. She had no idea what was going to happen at this meeting or why they were really needed. Colin said they might ask a few questions…and that Hope's presence was needed since the will concerned him. But what kind of questions? Would the Sanctum try to pull a trick of some kind?

There was a gust of heavy wind that blew though the open windows, sending a few stray papers around the house. The whirr of an airship could easily be heard and they all tensed...everyone except Hope. He had a resigned look on his face…one that made Lightning want to yell at the airship to leave and never come back. To yell at the Sanctum and take them on.

She wanted to do _something._

There were several knocks on the door but no one moved to answer them. Hope stared straight ahead, eyes clouded, while Sow and Serah exchanged looks of concern. Finally Serah nodded and went to the door, allowing Colin inside. He nodded to each of them, wearing a smile that did not reach his eyes, and gestured for them to follow. Snow and Serah went first…then Hope stood to go. Lightning watched him, still seated, but Hope turned back to her.

"C'mon Light…we have to go…"

Why did his voice…have to sound so dead?

"Not yet Hope." She said, shaking her head.

"We have to Light…"

"Hope." She stood and went over to him, biting her lip. Hopefully…she was doing this right…

"It'll be okay." She said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Just…tell me how you feel."

"I'm fine Light."

"Yeah, and Snow was a straight A student." A stab at humor. A small smile in return. It was something.

"Light…really I'm-"

"C'mon…I thought we were passed this." Hope looked up at her…trying to keep his face as stoic as possible, but eventually his shoulders shagged and his face fell. She waited for him, ignoring any look she might be getting from Colin or anyone else who was watching. There was only this boy…this boy who needed her…

The next time he looked up at her his eyes shone with a different hurt…a deep and cutting one. She could see his emotions swirling behind his eyes, the fear, the confusion, the anger. The sadness…

It was perpetual…

"I'm scared Light…" He finally whispered… "I'm scared and confused…and I don't know why…I don't understand any of this…"

Lightning nodded, pulling him into a hug and trying to communicate that understanding. _I know you're hurt…I know you're sad…I'm here…_

"We'll do this together Hope…just keep that in mind. One step at a time okay?"

"Yeah."

"Hope…I'm here…you have to remember that…Or I'll just keep reminding you…"

"That doesn't sound good." Sarcasm…a good sign. He looked up at her again, looking slightly lost but more determined than before. "Light...I don't know..."

Lightning nodded, keeping a firm but gentle grip on his shoulder, "I know Hope...but that doesn't mean you can't keep going." He blushed slightly, but gave her another appreciative smile. Feeling lighter, she began to steer him toward the door, her grip still in place. And Hope, however uncertain, did not look back as Lightning closed the door.


	9. Out Of Control

**We have come to yet another installment! This story is doing so well, and better than I thought it would honestly! I'm really happy for that! *hugs all readers* This chapter was interesting to write, and I'm sure you'll enjoy it! Let's get to some of my reviewers:**

**Hope's Light- That's the big mystery at the moment! He may be going crazy in some ways...but I think it's understandable! **

**HopexLightning- Yay! My stabs at humor were successful! I couldn't help it with that line. It was so...Lightningish? Yeah, that's the word for it! I'm glad you loved the moments!**

**HopexLight4Ever- Basically. But I can't tell you the details yet! :) **

**In Light There's Hope :3- That'd be cute! But it won't work here. But thanks for the input!**

**Naoto07- The possibilities are endless huh? It's hard to tell with his mind so fuddled up. I'm glad you liked the joke too! It made me happy!**

**Thank you all for the reviews! I love hearing what you think and your favorite parts! My silent readers, I hope you are all enjoying the story also! Thank you all again, and please enjoy this next chapter! Although...I feel weird updating it at midnight here. But...it'll be Friday night for me...and I always sleep in on Saturdays. So it's kind of now or never. Hope that's okay! And again, enjoy!  
**

**Insert some witty disclaimer.**

…**..............................................................**

"You'll be fine Hope." Colin said for the hundredth time.

"I know Colin...you've said that."

"I know, I just want to be sure."

"Colin." Light said, falling into step beside him, "I'm sure Hope can handle himself."

Colin nodded, a sheepish blush flaring across his cheeks. "I know..." he said, "I think it's myself I'm trying to convince at the moment. I'm...worried. The last time I really faced these people...I was more or less a slave." Both Lightning and Hope looked at him, understanding completely what he meant. Hope felt a little of his nerves return at the thought, but Lightning remained as cool as ever.

They walked down the hallways of the Sanctum building in Palumpolum, Snow and Serah walking with Lt. Amodar in the front, Hope and Lightning in the back with Colin. The walls were a dull, almost marble white color. It was very dull and strangely quiet, but Colin paid it no mind, so the others followed suit. If it as supposed to be quiet here...there was no need to question it. Although Hope could not deny the horrible feeling of foreboding that had come over him with every step he took.

This place was evil...

...or his mind was playing tricks on him.

Soon they came across large, light blue double doors that reached nearly to the ceiling. They all stopped as Lt. Amodar began to enter the necessary codes needed to open the door. On a small panel that sat engraved in the wall. Hope's apprehension only mounted at the site but it the feeling were confused and unguided. He refused to allow his thoughts to wonder...if they did...he didn't know how he would react.

He didn't want to find out either.

Briefly his eyes met Lightning's and she offered a small smile of reassurance. Hope just barely returned it, feeling his stomach clench uncomfortably again. He had to tell her what happened this morning...this was too serious to ignore. Could it really be the dreams that had hurt him? Or had he done it himself in a bout of frenzied, nightmarish panic? Regardless...he had to tell her...

Dammit...why couldn't things be simple?

Hope brought his eyes to Colin, expecting him to be looking nervously at the door...but instead he was staring at a corner of the ceiling. Glaring at it even...which was unusual for him. Hope followed Colin's line of vision and squinted, trying to see what was so special about it. At first glance, and second, hell even third glance it seemed like any other corner. But Colin continued to stare, anger evident in his expression, and Hope continued to look as well, trying to see what was so awful about the corner.

He stared and stared and was nudged by Light to get going for the doors had finally opened. And as he stepped into the same spot Colin had been in he saw it...

It was faint, unable to be seen if a person wasn't in the right spot...if they didn't know where to look...

A small red stain...

Blood...

And Hope felt sick again, his stomach giving a painful lurch.

"_...it is likely...that the Sanctum had a hand in your father's death..."_

_Don't think about that...not now...not now...not now..._

He closed his eyes and forced the thoughts away with all his will, forcing the mantra in its place. But the effort was exhausting, his mind thirsted to wonder, and when he opened his eyes, he killed any emotion that could be seen. They were dead...but his mind was still scrambling.

…................................................

Lightning knew that court proceedings could be extremely dull, formal, and almost entirely unnecessary. This was especially true if you were only there _in case_ they had questions for you. No guarantee. None. And so far that had lived up to be one of the most boring meetings she had ever experienced. She had paid attention at the beginning but all to soon she saw that this had less to do with Bartholomew's will and more to do with the issues surrounding the whole fall of Cocoon. For hours it seemed they argued over what was right, what was wrong, why the l-cie were not the monsters the Sanctum made them out to be, and only occasionally would something be thrown in that actually concerned Bartholomew. To his credit, Colin had taken control of the situation very well, and was holding his own against the officials. With a vehemence in fact.

It annoyed Light to no end, and if the dark look on Hope's face was any indicator, it was grating on his nerves as well. But then something caught her ears.

"We as a people cannot simply condone the actions of an l-cie! Even if he _is _ the offspring of a well respected Sanctum employee, we cannot simply look past his actions!"

"Look past!?" Colin argued, anger in his eyes, "This boy and his friends saved Cocoon!"

"If by saved you mean destroying the world we knew...all he and his friends have done is create chaos!" The head official argued. The man looked familiar...but Lightning could not remember his name. She had only seen him give a speech to try and rally Cocoon's citizens.

"The Cocoon that we knew was already dying! Orphan and his other fal-cie kin were all making sure of that, all for the sake of some Maker who abandoned them long ago! If anything, they _saved_ Cocoon and its entire population from their tyranny!"

The official fell silent at the words and glared at Colin. The others whispered to one another, some looking as if they were in agreement, others with hard looks on their faces. But it was still the head official who spoke first.

"Regardless of what has happened...I simply cannot condone..." Lightning felt her blood boil as the argument continued. _How dare they try and take this away from Hope?_ In her frustration,she got up from her seat, ready to give them a piece of her mind, when Colin strode to the center of the room, away from the desk they had been seated at, and glared at all the officials.

"You may sit behind your desks...and judge the actions of l-cie...but I believe you are of a small...and dwindling number." Colin's voice was deadly quiet and smooth, something that Lightning had never heard from the man. "But...I do not think the public will share your view on the matter. Really...when all this gets out...you won't have much power. And that's if they don't rip you limb from limb."

"And what makes you think-"

Colin reached into his pocket and pulled out a small chip, gazing at it with a mild interest, "I was...a former Sanctum l-cie...being in that position gave me more than enough opportunities to gather information on the Sanctum. I was a slave...but not a well watched one obviously. What do you think the public will do...once _all_ of the Sanctum's dirty little secrets are broadcast for all of Cocoon to see?" The official's face paled and Colin had a smile on his face that was dangerous. Like an animal circling its prey...

"Wha-"

"And I'm _quite sure_ that they would be interested to know how this meeting is going. Contrary to your beliefs...not all of Cocoon holds their saviors in contempt."

"What-How-"

"Did you really think that I would come to this meeting so unprepared? Cameras...they're here. They've been here...for months. And few of them were ever confiscated...and none of them could be linked to me. I know where they are and can easily input the codes needed to get the rest of the information."

"Hale-"

"Don't bother trying to get cameras...or the information...I've already changed the passwords and reinforced the necessary firewalls. You can't touch it..."

"You-"

"Bastard? Tool? _Slave?_ Excuse me if it seems like I'm playing dirty...but in all fairness...the Sanctum has been pulling the strings long enough. So unless you want this plastered on every working television around Cocoon, I suggest you lighten up on this boy and his family." Colin grinned at them, but there was no mirth behind his eyes. It was wrong...hungry. "You're days are dwindling...why make them any shorter Enrich?"

The head official stared at him, mouth agape, and Lightning couldn't help but stare. So _this _was what Colin was capable of. But somehow...it made Lightning worry as well. For now though...it worked in their favor. She glanced at Hope and saw that he too had stood up and was watching Colin with a stunned expression.

Finally the official, Enrich, spoke, but his voice was strained and his face dark, "Very well. If you will all step forward. As Hope Estheim's legal guardians, you'll need to sign these documents. After that...everything goes as the will states." The man's voice held nothing but venom, but Lightning paid it no mind as she stepped forward and signed where necessary. Colin and the others finished up the proceedings and they were all dismissed. Colin's eyes were still clouded with the same look he had when dealing with Enrich.

"C'mon." he said roughly, leading the way. Lt. Amodar had been called away some time ago, an urgent matter having arose, so it was only Colin among them. They reached the large double doors and Lightning made sure to check on Hope and make sure he was holding up. His eyes were clouded, but not as deep in despair as she had feared they would be. She vowed they would have to have another chance to just...talk...once they got home.

Determined, she waited as Hope reached for the door's control panel when she heard the official behind her.

"Worthless l-cie."

Hope froze, his hand hovering by the door's control panel, ready to just press the button. He had been there before...with a trip with is father...He said it was always easier to get out than in...he had even showed him which button to use...

He heard Colin scoff from behind him, but quickly told himself to block it out. _It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean anything. I can't let it get to me...stay calm..._

"I thought it was clear already? We are no longer l-cie." But Colin was determined to argue, his face borderline murderous.

"Yet you all still carry the magic of an l-cie. Even if your brands are no longer in place...nothing has changed. All you bring is chaos and misfortune once you step out of line, and now we are nearly beyond repair! For your kind all we can hold is contempt."

"Watch what you say...after all, we know how _rebellious _wel-cie are. Wouldn't want any real misfortune falling on us... now would we?"

"Threaten all you want l-cie…it doesn't change anything. All you have been from the start is trouble."

"Yes, it had nothing at all to do with what Dysley did…or should I say Barthandelus? Or has the Sanctum decided to overlook that fact?"

"Colin." Hope said, refusing to look over. He kept his eyes set on the door panel in front of him, his eyes directly on the button in front of him, trying to block out the words, "It isn't worth it. Let's just go…" Hope made to open the door but the official was not done.

"If your father had simply stayed out of this whole business... I do not doubt he would be standing among you today…"

"_It's this button here Hope..."_

"You bastard-"

"_I know...you're angry...I'd love nothing more to spend time with your mother...nut work makes it hard..."_

"Indeed," Enrich carried on ruthlessly, "If he had done the right thing and turned all of you in….then he would be living to see this great new world you claim it to be. But no…he decides to try and protect you…saying that family is more important…noble actions yes…but very foolish."

"_But dad, that isn't enough! Why can't you be home more often!?"_

_Stop…_

"I'm sure you're well aware that if you _hadn't_ gone to him for help, he would still be here as well. Unaware of what was going on, yes, or of what happened to his son, but alive and well. It is a pity…"

_This hurts…too much…_

_Don't tell me this…_

_I already know…_

_It's my fault…all my fault..._

"But I suppose the real blame is still on your father. He did, after all, willingly choose to harbor you. The man was a fool to the end…and brought it upon himself. Both for his own son becoming a Pulse l-cie…and the decision to keep him…" The official finished with a delighted smile.

Lightning was beside herself with rage, easily drawing the gunblade, and she aimed it at the man. "You fuck-"

"Light…" Lightning froze at Hope's voice…the way it sounded. It was hollow…no emotion...dead…

"Please get back."

"What?"

Hope turned away from the door panel, fingers ghosting the button his father had showed him so long ago. His head was bowed so that the others could not see his eyes. Lightning glanced at the door panel behind him and had to hold back a gasp. The whole panel had melted…and forced the door open from the...permanent malfunction. She glanced back at Hope and noticed the faint golden glow…the same she had seen attack him, and felt a swirl of panic.

"Hope…wait…"

He ignored her, taking slow and careful steps forward instead. He cleared his throat, not once looking up, "My father…was a fool? A fool for saving me and my friends? His fault...that I became an l-cie? How? How is that? What right…do you have …to say that? How…when you're the only real reason it even happened!" Hope still did no look up, but the anger was thick and evident in his voice. The gold light began to swirl around him, caressing his face and…egging him on?

"My father was a good man…he was kind…and he loved me and my mother…he wanted to give us a good life...he wanted to save us…he wanted to make things right…so don't you dare try to make him out as anything less than that!"

"Your father could have saved himself…he chose the fool's way no matter how you look at it-"

"Shut up."

"So I will not take it back. It is the will of the Sanctum and the will of Cocoon…"

"I said shut up!"

Hope finally looked up, a burst of golden light flooding the room. It shot at the other officials, grabbing them and flinging them across the room. Hope's eyes blazed not their usual green, but an angry red, hatred reflected in them. The light reached for the head official, even as Hope gasped at the sudden surge of power, grabbed his head, and doubled over. The light chose instead to grab Enrich by the ankle. The man was lifted into the air and dangled like a leaf, and then was swung around again and again. Hope moaned and sank to his knees, gripping his head and pulling at the platinum locks.

"Stop it…" he mumbled, rocking himself back and forth, "Stop it. Stop it! STOP IT!"

Lightning blinked out of her stunned daze at the sound of Hope's wailing and turned to Colin. "Try to get the official down. I'll get Hope."

Colin blinked, clearly distracted, but eventually nodded and jumped across the tables in an effort to reach the man. Lightning was about to head to Hope when she felt a familiar hand on her shoulder. "What do you need us to do sis?" Snow tried to look confident as he looked at her, but she could see the fear behind his eyes. She couldn't blame him and was glad that Serah had chosen to step back.

Everything was out of control…

"I need to get to Hope…but I have a feeling that light…or whatever it is…won't let me through."

"Then I'll give you cover!" Snow then proceeded to do just that, blocking the whips and strikes of the light that had a mind of its own as they made slow progress to Hope. Lightning felt strange almost…before she would never had relied on Snow…

_But times have changed…_

Lightning covered her face as a particularly violent strike came at them, but moved it in time to see Hope raise his head. It was like he was looking up at the sky…trying to find a way out…but quickly his eyes closed as the light enveloped him.

"Stop! Just stop!" He begged the unseen tormentor.

"Hope!"

"Light?!" Hope sounded both relieved and scared…but as the words left his lips, a searing agony ripped through his chest. It was as if he was being torn open…or as if someone was trying to tear their way out. He could feel how his body seemed to split to let them through, even as he tried to jerk away. His eyes burned and as he opened them, all he could see was the golden light. It was flooding out of him, ripping away at him.

He was dying…

That was all the pain could be…

And he was…just so tired.

He didn't want to fight it anymore. He was tired of fighting…

_And I'll see them again…_

"Hope! Don't you dare pass out on me!" Lightning shouted. Snow made one final push and Lightning grabbed Hope as he slumped forward. She felt for his pulse…and felt the steady beat. But it was weak…like a tiny flutter…and her hands started to shake. "Just hang on Hope..."

"Mom...?"

"No Hope...not mom...you have to get outta this. I don't know what's going...but you have to calm down." Lightning tried to keep the swelling of panic from her voice, hugging onto him even as her skin was burned by the angry light.

"But I'm tired...I'm so tired...I'm so tired..."

Hope began to rock himself again, and Lightning did her best to comfort him. She heard the sounds of Colin as he brought the official down from the air but paid it no real mind. But she did notice that the light had finally started to weaken...Hope was exhausted too...he could barely keep his again green eyes open.

"Light...I want it to stop..."

Lightning took a deep, shaky breath, trying to ignore the pinpricks at her eyes. His voice sounded so tired...so desperate. Everything was in chaos around them...and again it seemed like she had failed to protect him.

"_Place your hand on his head..."_

Lightning resisted the urge to jump, not used to Odin's voice chiming in her head. _What do you mean? _She tried in response.

"_Place your hand upon his forehead...the rest will come naturally..."_

Cautiously, Lightning placed her hand on Hope's forehead, trying to block out the look of anguish on his face. She needed to concentrate if she was going to be any help to him. As she pressed against his forehead, her arm began to tingle. She felt the familiar surge of power that she got whenever she summoned Odin, the rush of the controlled yet uncontrollable force, but she concentrated on Hope's face. He needed her...and she refused to let him go!

Her arm shuddered...and she felt another large rush of power. Hope shuddered underneath her as well but she pressed on. This had to work...she needed to do this. She had to help somehow...

Odin's power came in the forms of small electrical charges, making Hope's face twitch and, much to Lightning's relief, eventually relax. The light was evaporating, but it shuddered and shivered as well and came down on them in one fell swoop. She grabbed Hope as he was lifted by the force but was lifted a few feet from the ground herself. They landed with a thud and the light around them was now nothing more than wisps. They caressed Hope, going particularly to his chest, until they finally disappeared completely...

_Thank you Odin._

"_It is not over..."_

Lightning nodded to herself, but as she felt Hope's limp form lean against her, she pressed him harder against her chest. Weak arms wrapped around her and gave her a squeeze, and she returned it with full force. "Hope...it's okay...you're safe now..." Lightning muttered, although it was more to herself than to Hope. The tired boy was already slipping away into sleep...and Colin was rushing over, calling for a medic.

"I don't think...I'm okay Light..." Hope whispered, sounding so utterly _pained_ that it hurt her, "But...I really want to be...Light..." Hope hugged her again, with all the power he could muster, but then went limp against her again. Lightning took a deep breath and ran her fingers through his hair.

_I know you do Hope..._

Lightning looked at Colin, noticing his intense gaze. She gave him a significant look, one that screamed "We will talk." Colin nodded, clearly nervous but determined, and Lightning looked back at Hope.

_And I'll make sure it happens..._


	10. The Next Move

**Another quick update! Unreachable reviewers first!**

**Hope's Light – They sure got what was coming to them didn't they? Ha ha! I liked writing that about them! I;m glad you like Lightning's comfort too! And Yay Lightning!**

**HopexLightning- Yeah, I always though it would be interesting if the Eidolons could talk to their masters. I guess they would call them that huh? Warm and fuzzy, just the way it should be!**

**HopexLight4Ever – Yup, several people are starting to look at Colin that way! It makes me excited! Just what _is_ his role in this? As for Lightning, she's working hard! Anything for Hope!**

**In Light There's Hope :3 – Somehow, I don't think Lightning would have approved! :) And yes, fear the talking Eidolons! And they are cute, family or otherwise!**

**Naoto07- Yes! That is why they must suffer! Suffer bad Sanctum! And Lightning is doing everything she can for Hope, even though it's getting harder every day.**

**I want to thank all of you for the wonderful reviews! I got quite a few that just made me swell with happiness! I want to thank everyone and I hope you'll continue to tell me what you think of the story! Personally, I really liked this chapter. It's a tad different from the others...but I still think you'll enjoy!**

**Disclaimer here!**

…**..........................................................**

_Hope floated on air...the world around him an empty white. There was no golden light, no haunting images of his parents, and no claw-like hands to grasp at him. He opened his eyes, surprised when he felt neither the pain or fatigue of the ordeal he had been through. He blinked against the blinding one color scenery, and tried to sit up. It was difficult in a world that contained no ground, but he manged to get up. Or...it seemed like he did. He wasn't entirely sure._

"_Where am I now?" he asked himself. He sighed, feeling the weight on his chest intensify, and tried to block out the words of the officials as they came to him. He was...unsuccessful. "Why...did he go that far. He didn't have to...he had no right...dammit!" Hope shook his head and threw a punch at nothing. _

_Suddenly there was a giggle._

"_H-Hello?"_

_The giggling started up again but louder. It was familiar to Hope, loud and cheerful, but with just a hint of something sadder. It was a sound he thought he would never hear again...from a person he thought he'd never see._

"_V-Vanille?" _

_The white world shuddered...making Hope whip around in a panic. Teal blues began to leak from nowhere...acting like sea waves. They rolled around, sending everything into blue green, and Hope felt as if he were underwater. He held his breath, looking around for the surface, but was startled when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He whipped around and came face to face with the red-headed, Pulsian girl._

"_Vanille!" Hope gasped, but then quickly covered his mouth, half expecting bubbles to come out. When none did, he removed his hands with a perplexed expression, and looked toward Vanille again. "H-How?"_

_Vanille only smiled at him though. She still wore the happy attire, her smile was as wide as ever, and she still held the air of someone who couldn't wait to get moving. She spun around, running her hand through the weird new scenery. _

"_Vanille?"_

_She paused, almost as if she had just noticed he was there, and gave her another bubbly smile. "Hey Hope!" She said, "Don't you love this stuff! It's so pretty!"_

"_But...what is it?"_

"_I'm not really sure. But I know I love it! Isn't that enough?"_

_Hope resisted the urge to roll his eyes but a smile made it's way to his face. This was one of the things he missed most about Vanille. She's find a way to make him smile, whether he wanted to or not. _

"_It does...feel different...like everything could just...float away." Hope breathed it in...noticing how at peace he felt. Even with everything going on outside the place, it seemed like it couldn't touch him here. It was more than relieving...but there were still a few pressing matters. "But why are you here Vanille? How?"_

"_I'm not really sure myself." She said, returning to waving her hands in the stuff, "I mean...it is your dream after all."_

"_So you're not real?"_

"_It's all in your head Hope. Who knows...maybe I am."_

"_You're not making any sense."_

_Vanille turned back to Hope, a sad smile on her face this time, and she walked up to him, grabbing his hand. "I'm sorry Hope." She rubbed his hand with her thumb and began to walk, pulling him along. '"Everything is really messed up...And your dad..."_

_Hope bit his lip but shook his head. Then, knowing Vanille wasn't looking, said in a sheepish voice, "No...it's not like you could have done anything...like anyone could...I'm just...so frustrated and sad. I wanted to spend more time with him...tell him I was sorry. And now I can't."_

"_There's always later you know."_

"_What?"_

"_I'll tell you later." Vanille said, giving him another, more mysterious smile. Her face then took on a serious expression, one he wasn't used to ever seeing on Vanille, "You know Hope, you have to be careful." She stopped and looked up at the endless blue, seeing something that Hope couldn't. He wanted to ask her what it was, but the words wouldn't leave his mouth. He settled for another burning question._

"_Do you know what's happening Vanille?" _

_She squeezed his hand tighter and looked down, clearly troubled. It was a long time before she faced him again, "No Hope...I'm sorry...I really don't. It's familiar though..." She sighed and looked back up, "...and it's bad. I can feel it...even now. It's trying to claw it's way in here." Vanille then stroked the blue scene again, as if she could feel exactly where the force was lurking. _

"_Hope...you can't trust these dreams..."_

"_But...what do they even mean...whatever...that was...it even grabbed me. I don't...I don't get it. What do I do?"_

"_And you can't give up okay?" She said as if he hadn't spoken. "You really can't do that one! If you do...I'll...I'll pinch you!" She tried. _

"_Vanille."_

"_You have to find out what it is Hope...and how to fight it...at least, that's what I think." Hope nodded, looking up. He noticed how the blue was starting to fade and when he looked at Vanille, he saw that she was too, "Wait!"_

"_You know I can't do that Hope..." Vanille turned to him, smiling another of her sad smiles. "You know how impatient Fang can be."_

_Hope let out a sad sigh, reluctantly letting the grip on her hand loosen, "I miss you...we all do."_

_Vanille let out a light laugh and reached in to hug him, "Same here...and Hope...try to smile okay? Who knows...maybe it'll all seem better once you do! Just...try not to let it eat you alive...it might get you...even if you don't..."_

"_Vanille...?"_

"_See you around...Hope."_

_Hope let out another sigh, trying not to let the pinpricks in his eyes bother him, "See you Vanille."_

_And she faded away along with the comforting blue._

…_..............................................................._

The first sound Hope heard as he was dragged back into the real world was the muffled sounds of arguing. One was familiar and warm...and he knew that it was Lightning. The other was deeper, and Hope had the suspicion that it was Colin. He blinked his eyes open and saw a white tiled ceiling. He tried to move his arm, but his muscles were heavy like lead and refused to listen. Groggily, he turned his head.

"Hope?" He was met with Serah, her blue eyes, so much like her sister's, shining with worry. She ran her fingers through his hair and said in hushed tones, "Are you all right?"

"Y-Yeah..." Hope tried to grin, but it came out as a grimace, so he tried to sit up instead.

"Not yet Hope." Serah said, pushing him back down easily, "You're gonna be tired for a while. No need to tire yourself yet..." Hope nodded, then spotted Snow looming behind her, clearly wanting to come and see him as well. This time he really did manage a smile. Serah followed his line of vision and smiled herself, rolling her eyes at her husband to be. "He's been really fussy, so I told him he couldn't see you until he calmed down."

"What? I haven't been as fussy as you!"

"But you don't know any cure spells."

"So? You hardly know any either."

"More than you though." Serah said playfully, sticking out her tongue. She stepped aside though and let Snow through, but now that he could actually see Hope, he seemed a little lost as to what he should do.

"Um...hey?" Serah swatted his arm and a faint blush tinted his cheeks.

"Hey?"

"Well...good to see you're not dead!" Another slap from Serah but much harder this time. Hope chuckled though. Snow smiled, but then his face turned serious. Hope couldn't quite grasp it and was glad the face happened rarely. "So...are you really okay Hope?"

Hope let out a rueful smile and covered his eyes with his hands, "No...actually I feel like shit."

"Hope!"

"Aw, let him Serah."

"I had a weird dream too...and not the ones I've been having. No...this time Vanille was in there..." Snow, who had opened his mouth to say something, fell silent at those words. She nor Fang had really been mentioned since the incident. They weren't dead by any means...but that didn't make it any easier. They grieved for the friends they would probably never see again in silence...

Snow was concerned now more than ever.

"It was really weird..." Hope continued, paying their silence no mind, "I mean...it's not like when I dreamed of mom or dad. It was like she was really there, visiting me. And she was giving me advice and laughing...I though I'd never hear that again. I was happy...and sad. I mean...was it really real? Was it a dream? I know it sounds stupid...but I kinda wish it was real." Hope paused, wondering if he should take it any further. He did not know how much of the weird happenings they knew about or what Lightning might have theorized by now. But if he was ever going to move forward...he had to start with this.

"She even told me...to be careful about that weird light that's been bugging me..." Hope moved his hands away, blinking at the sudden brightness of the room, "I mean...maybe it's just a dream...but that's just a little too coincidental...to...real..." Hope glanced at Snow and Serah and saw their serious expressions. He sighed and sat up, ignoring his protesting muscles and Serah's warnings not to. "I'm sorry..." he mumbled out, gasping slightly at the effort such little movement had cost him, "I know this is pretty messed up...and all before your wedding and-"

"Hope."

"Hm? OW!" Hope yelped, rubbing his forehead where Snow had flicked it. From the tenderness he could tell there was going to be a red mark there, "What was that for?"

"For talking like an idiot." Snow said gruffly, crossing his arms, "We already told you that we're here for you know matter what, so stop talking like you're in the way." He raised his hand and Hope went to cover his forehead against another assault. Instead, Snow ruffled his hair, "Because you aren't."

"R-Right..."

"But that dream is pretty freaky...we better tell sis about it. She'll have a cow if we don't."

"Snow!"

"Well it's true!"

"Where is Lightning anyway?" Hope asked, looking around for her.

"Outside, trying to argue discreetly with Colin. The moment we made it to the hospital she started going after him about a few things. Like what to do with you, what might be happening, what they had to do now. But it's weird, it's more like she's attacking him than anything."

"She's probably just frustrated...I mean, it's been forever since we've been able to rest easy...it was bound to get to her."

"Sorry."

"Again Hope, not your fault." Hope nodded, but allowed his eyes to travel to the door. He could see tiny buts of their shadows standing just outside, but he couldn't hear a word they were saying. But his mind was whirring at the possibilities...

_Why would Light be angry at him..._

_Think like a soldier..._

_Well...he had those chips with the info right? Maybe it's something about that? I mean...she's a soldier, she has to rethink everything...especially if it's too convenient. Or maybe it has to do with what we're gonna have to do next? Ugh...this is so confusing..._

"Hope?" Serah asked, brushing his bangs away from his forehead, "Are you okay? Is your head hurting?"

"Wha-No...sorry. Just thinking..." The doors opened and Lightning and Colin walked in, Lightning looking calm and serious, Colin just a little bit sheepish. Lightning's eyes immediately found Hope's and she smiled.

"Good, you're awake." She strode over to him and leaned next to the bed, mimicking her sister's actions, "How are you feeling?"

"Good...we've got some stuff to tell you." Hope glanced at Colin and gave a slight shake of the head, letting her know it was supposed to be private. She nodded in understanding and sat on the bed, crossing her legs. Hope was surprised, but then a blush made its way to his cheeks when she pushed him down against the bed again and laid a comforting hand on top of his.

"You should still be resting Hope." She said simply, although there was a faint tint on her cheeks as well. _Hope I did that right..._ She thought. She straightened up and prepared to address them all, "Clearly...Hope's problem with...whatever that was is escalating." Hope gulped at this and Lightning squeezed his hand, understanding his fear, "From what I've been able to gather, it's an l-cie problem, or something similar. When we were trying to calm Hope down after all,Odin was the one who walked me through it. And when we first saw this thing get worse, the symbols were like those of an Eidolon's."

"Light?"

"Yes Hope?"

"Well...Alexander has been...well, he'd been trying to tell me about it too." Lightning's eyes widened slightly but she nodded.

"I see..." She squeezed his hand again, "Well...that does seem to confirm it then. And because it's an l-cie problem, chances are we're not going to find much info here."

"Wait sis, you don't mean-"

"It's not as if we have much of an option. We're going to start preparations for a departure flight to Oerba...and try to find some information on whatever this is."

"We're going...to Oerba?" Hope said, although it came out a little hoarse.

"Yes Hope...we don't have any other options. Oerba was probably the most intact city we found on Gran Pulse so it's best to start there." There was a slight pang in Hope's chest at the thought of going to that place...especially without Fang and Vanille. Even if it was necessary, there was still something about it that made it feel wrong. And as Hope looked at the others faces, he could tell that they felt the same. However, Lightning's voice did not waiver as she continued.

"Colin has assured me that we'll have a Guardian Corps. Escort when we leave as well. It will make searching a whole to faster..." The way Colin looked at that point though, it seemed like it didn't have much to do with that at all. Hope wanted to know more but promised to wait until later to question Light about it. "We're going to have to ask you about everything you've been seeing Hope. Otherwise it'll be like looking in the dark." Hope nodded, although he certainly wasn't looking forward to recounting the strange dreams.

"We'll have to comb the whole area...not one thing can be overlooked." _I'm going to help you Hope...no matter what it takes. _"I'm going to ask Sazh to come as well, so Serah-"

"No!"

"Wha-"

"I'm not going to just stay behind and babysit. I want to help too!"

Lightning groaned and rubbed her forehead, "Serah, I know you want to help, but you're too inexperienced. It will be too dangerous for you to be out there on the field-"

"But Hope-"

"I've seen him fight Serah, I know he can handle it. But you..."

"Snow will protect me!"

"Serah!"

"Please Lightning...I want to be able to help too. I want to...to be able..." She looked at Hope, eyes filled with worry and concern, like she just wanted to run up to him and hug his worries away, "I know I'm not as strong as you all, but I'll get better! I mean...even if I just carry some of the equipment or cast a few healing spells, anything that can help! Please Lightning...I want to help Hope too! I want to do what I can..." She choked slightly on her words and tried to bite it back, cursing herself for sounding weak in front of her sister. Snow wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back in comfort, then looked at Lightning.

"Please Lightning...let her come. I _swear_ I will protect her..."

Hope looked down at his hands, feeling embarrassed and sad for Serah. But a part of him felt warm and comforted...to have someone else care about him on the same level Lightning seemed to. This was his...family...

Lightning sighed and watched them, her eyes boring into them. Snow felt uncomfortable under the gaze, but Lightning always managed to make him feel that way. Serah stayed calm, trying not to seem weak, returning her sister's stare with a steady gaze of her own. Lightning sighed again. "I'll...consider it..."

Even though it wasn't a yes, Serah released a sigh of relief. There was a chance...and if Lightning relented a little, she may be more willing than she first thought. They continued to discuss their plans for Oerba, Colin remaining strangely silent, until Hope finally passed out on his bed. All but Lightning, who had threatened the doctors to let her stay, left after that, letting Hope catch some much needed rest.

For once...there were no dreams with golden light.


	11. Arrival

**Another update! Yay! A lot of my anonymous reviewers were gone this time, so this part will be short:**

**Naoto07- I think it's cute too! She makes a good parent, whether she sees it or not! Thank you for the review!**

**Yup, the next chapter is indeed here. Just a head's up though. I have finals coming up in two weeks...I don't think this will impact my writing too much (I only have three exams I'm actually worried about, and one that may or may not take while) but this will be a precaution in case my updates start to slow down. Thank you all so much for the support, silently or by reviewing! It makes me really happy! Here's the next chapter and I hope you all enjoy! Let me know what you think of it if you're up to it! Love always!**

**Disclaimer goes here.**

…**...............................................................**

Lightning sat by the window of the airship, glaring at the sky that surrounded her and watching for any fiends that might decide to swoop down in them while they were in the air. It had been a week, a whole damn week, until Lt. Amodar could let them leave for Oerba. It would have been sooner if they hadn't taken the escort and made all the extra preparations, and while Lightning had been willing to just leave, the need for more hands was just too overwhelming. They would have to try and cover a large distance in a relatively short span of time; short because she would not give whatever this was a chance to make Hope worse. The nightmares either had not been as bad, or Hope was not allowing it to show, but from the small, dark circles under his eyes, Lightning wagered it was probably a bit of both.

"I'm telling you, the new coat only works with darker tones! You can't wear something like that with it!" Lightning repressed yet another groan, telling herself again and again why she was here. And promising both Snow and Lt. Amodar an early death. NORA's top members had been brought to this mission as well, the only exception being Lebreau. At least one of them had to stay behind in order for things at the bar to be upheld, and while the girl had insisted that she was more than ready to take on Pulse's creatures, she was also one of the few members who didn't scare all their potentials customers away.

But if Lightning had to hear one more thing about why this accessory didn't work with that top from Yuj, one more long talk about some of the wondrous machinery expected to be found in Oerba from Maqui, or hear Snow and Gadot try and outdo one another in one of their friendly, competitive, whose more macho competitions, someone was getting a the pointy end of a gunblade right up there-

"Aw, lighten up Claire! It's not so bad!" Serah said cheerfully, easily sensing her sister's dark move.

Lightning glared at her, thoughts of "_traitor"_ and_ "you're one of them" _floating in her mind. "Don't call me that when we're in public." She snapped, glaring at the poofy black hair that was Sazh's afro. Getting him to come had been no easy task, and they had to find just the right babysitter for Dajh, but he eventually relented, especially after hearing about Hope. Lightning made a note to thank him properly later.

"It's no so bad…Light…" Serah reluctantly, relented, "Besides, Hope thinks it's funny." And indeed, he did have a smile on his face, especially once Gadot defeated Snow in…a muscle-flexing contest?

"That's the only reason I tolerate it…" Lightning said once she recovered from the strange scene, "And Serah…you're husband-to-be is a real-"

"The tower's coming into view!" Sazh called, cutting off Lightning's very offensive comment, "Looks like the Guardian Corp. ship is already moving in."

"Just keep going Sazh…" Lightning mumbled, getting up from her seat and joining him near the front of the ship, "No need to go back inside that tower…"

"I hear ya." Sazh replied, expertly steering the ship down by the ruins. There was no longer the wondering fal-cie, so Lightning did feel somewhat reassured. Hope watched as well, eventually getting up from his seat and joining them in looking at the oncoming Oerba. The towers, covered in an eerie mist, eventually faded from view as the city of Oerba came up.

It was still covered in the fine powder like substance that so closely resembled snow, some being blown up by stray bits of wind. It was lonely…even more so than when they had come here with Fang and Vanille, but some plant life still managed to flourish. The ruins of the buildings could easily be seen, and as they went to land their ships, C'ieth could also be seen. The white dust was kicked up, and as they all prepared to leave, they had to shield their eyes from the oncoming pellets.

"So this is Pulse…" Maqui said, awe easily heard in his voice. None of the others could blame him though. Even though they had been there before, it still held a sort of silent beauty. Sad…but elegant…

But they had a mission.

"Phew…never thought I'd see this place…and yet here I am…" Colin said, emerging from his own airship. He looked down the pathways that opened before them, letting out a low whistle, "C'ieth too though…that makes this a little more complicated."

"It's nothing we can't handle!" Snow said, pumping his fist into the air.

"It's not a matter of whether _we _can handle it." Colin said, looking toward the small amount of men emerging from his airship. "But them. After all, not everyone here can use magic…that might make things a little difficult."

"It doesn't matter. We'll plow through and get to the buildings…what we want is there anyway." Lightning said briskly.

"Lt. Amodar wasn't kidding." Colin said under his breath, but he immediately shrank under the look that Lightning gave him. Hope, who hadn't said a word, knelt down and scooped up some of the fine powder. His eyes were clouded and his mind buzzing…something was here…he knew that. But what was it? What?

"Hope?" Serah asked, going beside him. She watched his strange movements and wished the pounding in her chest and head would stop. She was scared…no doubt about that, but her sister and her lover were with her. On Pulse...but with her. She drew confidence from that…and she was determined to show it to Hope as well. "We'll find it…don't' worry…"

"I-" he began uncertainly, realizing she was there, "I think it _is _here…like I can _feel _it. Does…that make sense?" he asked, letting the white powder trickle between his fingers. "It's really weird, like…like it's calling me or something. And I don't know…if I should really go to it."

Serah nodded, understanding all to well what could happen if something started to call you…and you followed it. But a smile lighted her features and she placed a hand on his shoulder, "I think we should Hope…it's the only lead we got…and everyone here wants to protect you so…so I think we'll be fine."

Hope nodded, smiling slightly, and stood up. He looked toward Oerba, toward the C'ieth, but all he saw was Vanille and Fang leading the way…

The way…

To their home…

"I think…" he mumbled, trying to make sense of the broken and blurred images that began to flash in his head, "I think we're gonna find something…at their home." The soldiers nearby looked confused but Lightning and the others knew what he meant. Vanille and Fang's home…but what could be there?

"We better get moving then." Lightning said, leading the charge. Hope followed eagerly, but the sense of foreboding still lurked in his mind.

…………………………………………….

"This place really is a bunch of ruins…and here I was thinking they had just exaggerated the report. But I guess…they are the most intact kind here on Pulse here…at least until we really explore it." Colin mumbled, looking up at a particularly rusty ceiling. Lightning and Hope followed his line of vision, Hope nodding in agreement.

They had made it through the C'ieth in record time, but it required rest, especially for Serah. She had held her own, casting the healing spells when she could, but it was hardest for her when they had lost a soldier in an accident. She had cried…cried hard and long, and Lightning wanted to comfort her, but didn't know what to say. It was a reminder of the different levels they were on. Snow had been able to help her…and Hope had looked concerned. But as sad as he looked, there was something knowing behind his gaze. Like he knew that there were always causalities in war, in fighting, in anything.

Lightning hated that he would know that but there was a sense of pride there too. He was tainted…and it was by her influential thought process. But it was an understanding that everyone had to adopt sooner or later. She just wished it didn't have to be so soon.

_Don't think about that…we have other things to do._ She reminded herself, glancing at Hope as he prepared for bed. Night had fallen, and although they had taken refuge in a building, they could still see the powder from the empty holes that once contained windows. It glowed faintly under the moon and stars…giving it a serene, almost dream like look. It was breathtaking…

"Sorry…sis…" Lightning looked over at Serah who had slowly moved her way over to her. She settled beside her, clearly uneasy, "About today…I didn't mean to…"

"You did well…" Lightning said before she could continue.

Serah's eyes widened, "But-"

"Serah…it was your first day…I don't expect you to just pick this up…you're not-"

…_you're not me._

"I know…I just…I just want to do this right…" Serah looked toward the others, smiling slightly as Snow dragged Yuj into a noogie. He was released after a vicious bite at Snow, yelling about his hair. "I owe it…to all of you. You did so much...had to fight constantly...it was frustrating...to be asleep like that. I couldn't help you...no matter how much I wanted to. I want to change that..." Lightning looked at her sister, a real warmth in her eyes that Serah hadn't seen in years.

_I owe this...to all of you too..._ Serah thought as she gave her sister a hug. She looked at Hope over Lightning's shoulder, ignoring her sister's protests at the sudden hug. Just as the others were doing, he was curled up in a bed roll, eyes closed, either asleep or about to be. _And especially to you Hope..._

…_you made her open up._

…_..................................................._

_When Hope opened his eyes, he knew right away that he was asleep...dreaming..._

_It was weird being aware of that but still be asleep..._

_It was no longer Pulse with its whispers of the past and the ever roaming C'ieth. This place, which was drenched in darkness, was another strange dream...that Hope could not break out of no matter how much he tried. But he refused to give up. He would not have another of these freakish nightmares...so he closed his eyes...willing it to go away._

_He felt breathing on the back of his neck and for a moment, he thought he had succeeded in forcing himself awake. But when he opened his eyes again and still saw the darkness, he felt his neck hairs stand on end._

"Hello Hope…" Something, a hand maybe, coiled around his wrist and held him in place. The calm breathing resumed and Hope repressed a shudder every time it ghosted his neck. The voice continued, "I was hoping to meet with you face to face…but if I did I'd be whisked away in a heartbeat." Hope's own heart pounded ferociously, so much so that he half expected to wake up from the noise. It was so loud and fast, how could he not?

"_Alexander would lock me up if he knew I was here…even sending this much of me is a big risk…but you're worth it Hope." _

_Hope took a shaky breath to calm himself and yanked himself out of the others grasp. He turned to face them, ready to tell them off for everything they had done to him, but came face to face with his father._

"_Wha-AH!" Hops yelped and clutched his stomach, gasping for the air he had lost. He ignored the nausea and slight blur in his vision and forced himself to look up at the figure. It was now his mother, a soft look on her face that was marred by a twisted smile. Hope's stomach clenched and his hands began to shake…._

_This was not his mother. _

"_Maybe daddy was too soon for you to see Hope." Even the voice was wrong…it was warped…evil…Hope flinched away as the hand moved to touch his cheek, but the figure was undeterred. "Maybe you need a parent that's been dead a while longer. If you're already used to it, you hardly notice anything about it. Like it's always been there! And mommy's all nice and rotten already…"_

"_Shut up."_

"_Bet she's sticking up somewhere, half of her rotted away. She never did get a proper burial…"_

"_SHUT UP!" Hope screeched, trying to push himself away from the figure as its face began to melt. The black world seemed to shudder and small ribbons of golden light began to travel towards them._

"_Maybe you just need a different face…" The figure, cackling, changed again. First it was Snow, then Serah, then Sazh. Finally…there was Lightning. "Any better?" The figure grabbed his hands and pulled him close, "Or maybe you want some pretty crystals?" It was Fang…then Vanille…_

"_Will you stop it!" Hope shouted as he lunged, forcing the wetness he felt in his eyes away. _

"_Oh? You want a punching bag? Maybe Snow?" Snow again, the demeanor very cold and calculating, "Or Colin?" Another change, even as Hope began to hit every part of them he could manage._

"_Stop. Stop! Stop! STOP!" Hope shouted, eye blazing with fury. He landed punch after punch, but the laughter continued and began to echo around him. His fist froze before it met its mark for the umpteenth time and his hesitation gave the other an opening. Hope was thrown on his back and he blinked in surprise and panic. He looked up and saw the figure that had shocked him, now his double, standing over him, a wicked smile playing on his face. _

"_Maybe you need a mirror." The other Hope hissed, leaning over him. The double placed his hands on either side of Hope's head, boring his eyes into Hope's. They were a dark red, and he inched his face closer, whispering strange words. "To the rogue fal-cie…who yearns for freedom…to the captors…who hold it in place…but which is which? What do you think Hope? The light that is tainted…the dark that is pure…a heart so encompassed in rage and regret it cannot move…"_

_Hope gulped, trying to make sense of the words while attempting an escape, but he was held fast. "Who the hell are you!" Hope tried instead, even as the golden bands of light began to coil around him. _

"_Isn't it obvious…? I'm you…but not you."_

_Hope growled, feeling a familiar anger bubbling in his chest. He bucked at the figure and tried to wriggle away, snarling when he couldn't. "Don't give me that! Who are you!"_

_The double smirked, red eyes glinting in a way that made Hope freeze, "'Where the Pulse fal-cie lay dreaming…' Isn't that what you said? You're the one in Oerba Hope…you can tell me." Hope was then grabbed by the bands of light and yanked away. He gasped, his breath leaving his lungs again, but the figure was not done, "Until we meet again…when you're ready Hope." Then the light pulled him up…there was a great blast of light, blinding him…and the laughter continued to echo in his ears…_

……………………………………………

Lightning had taken the second watch of the night, her eyes roving the fine powder that surrounded them. They would have to fight more C'ieth tomorrow to get to the real heart of the city where the answers laid, and she wasn't looking forward to it. But she would fight them then and watch them now to make sure none came by. Lightning kept a constant grip on her gunblade out of habit and listened for every snap of a twig or distant howl.

But it was the whimpering in her own camp that put her on high alert.

She stood and weaved her way through her comrade's bedrolls, stopping when she reached the source of the noise. She sat and leaned next to Hope, turning him face up and pushing his hair away from his eyes. His face was scrunched up in an obvious nightmare and he let out a low moan.

"Hope…" Lightning tried, giving him a nudge, "…wake up."

"…Wh…Who?" Hope whispered. Lightning wasn't sure if he meant the dream or her.

"C'mon Hope." She whispered, shaking his shoulder.

Hope's eyes snapped open and he let out a strangled cry. Lightning glanced around, sure it had woken someone, and ran a soothing hand over his head. Hope pushed it away as he sat up, still in the throes of his nightmare, and he stared at his trembling hands. "What...what? I'm...awake...awake...but what did that mean? Who are they....ugh..."

"Hope." Lightning whispered, placing a hand on his shoulder, "You need to calm down. You're awake...no more nightmare."

Hope jumped at her touch and looked at her, eyes wide and fearful. Eventually he let out a shaky breath and allowed his hands to drop in his lap, his eyes going toward the ground. "Sorry..." he mumbled, "I just..." Hope shook his head, "I want this to stop."

Lightning nodded and seated herself more comfortably next to him. She wrapped her arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer, putting his head on her own shoulder. Hope was surprised, his mouth open in a silent gasp at the action, but when Light showed no sign of moving, he eventually relaxed.

"Wanna tell me about it?" She tried after a few moments of silence.

"Not really." Hope said, trying to rub some tiredness from his eyes. His fingers then began to pick at the bedroll, some of the fabric pulling away, as he avoided her gaze. "I mean...not like we can do anything."

Lightning took a deep breath, tightening her hold, "So what if you can't right now? It might help to just...get it off your chest."

Hope shrugged before pressing himself closer to Lightning, :it was really confusing...first dad was there...then mom...then all of you. Ugh. It gives me headache trying to keep track of it all..." Lightning nodded, signaling for him to continue. "And...it wasn't like you were all appearing. It was one person, changing into them. And they said...said they were _here_ waiting for me." Hope's eye's began to droop, his fight with sleep a losing one, but he kept going, "I...almost don't want to go now...But...I've got to." Hope trailed off, no longer able to form coherent sentences. Soon a soft snoring replaced the comfortable silence and Lightning smiled, glad he was able to sleep again. She pulled him closer to her, still keeping a steady hand on her gunblade, and thought about what the dream could mean. She had to shift slightly, silently apologizing to the muscles that were bound to be sore and stiff. No that it mattered much...so long as Hope was safe and comfortable.

She caught some movement among the sleeping occupants and easily recognized Snow's head as it popped up. She could even see the look of concern on his face. 'Is he okay?' he mouthed. Lightning nodded and Snow looked somewhat relieved, laying back down without further inquiry. Lightning returned to her silent vigil of the camp, keeping watch of Hope as well to stop any unwanted nightmares.


	12. Golden Wings and Fallen Angels

**Here's another update! Reviews:**

**Naoto07-Yes, I liked writing Serah like that. It really seemed like something she'd want to do. And poor Hope indeed, what will he do? He and Lightning have quite the challenge ahead.**

**Broken Hope 3- Yes, what is the scary thing haunting Hope? I'm glad you're excited about it! I hope you like the chapter!**

**Puppy-Love- She will be there for Hope! Yes! But what does it all mean? I hope this chapter pleases you, and who knows...we may get answers...**

**My other anonymous users may be a chapter behind. I'd like to thank all of them though, so aside from the ones above, I'd like to thank:**

**Hope's Light, HopexLightning, HopexLight4Ever, In Light There's Hope 3, and Broken Hope and Puppy-Love again for reviewing last chapter. **

**But thank you all for giving me the support! I really like it. I don't know how you'll feel about this chapter, I'm a little apprehensive this chapter. I'm not entirely sure why, but still, I hope it's okay. Please enjoy and let me know what you think!**

**Disclaimer here!**

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When morning came there was a definite sense of apprehension and tiredness among the group. This day would be when the searching would truly begin but what they would find was still a mystery to them. What was more, the C'ieth littered all of Oerba and the trek would be difficult. The Guardian Corps soldiers, however prepared they were, were a tad uneasy about stepping foot into the Gran Pulse city. Lightning, who was indeed sore from her rather compromising position, helped Serah prepare breakfast in silence. The rations the soldiers had brought with them, coupled with their own, would be more than enough to last them two weeks, although they had no intention of being there that long. They ate in silence, even NORA's group, and each would occasionally glance at the buildings ahead.

All too soon it was time for them to move out. They prepared their weapons, some soldiers with guns, other with swords. Serah had reluctantly taken Lightning's knife as a precaution as well, knowing her older sister would not let her go unarmed, whether she would be fighting or not. Colin kept staring at Oerba, apprehension and excitement evident in his features, and he twisted his custom glove around his hand. A blade that stretched up to his elbow was fastened to the glove, ready for use in any fight. He did a few practice strikes before he turned to everyone else. Once they were sure everything was packed up and ready, they began the descent into Oerba.

They walked in relative silence, only broken by arguments between Maqui and Yuj or the cheerfulness of Snow as he tried to lighten the mood. Hope would glance at Lightning every now and again, looking for reassurance and also hoping to give it, although how he would was still unclear.

"C'ieth!" Colin shouted, breaking the calm. Sure enough, one of the hulking C'ieth charged at them, large hand ready to strike. Snow looked and saw it was targeting Serah and moved in; messing with the beast and drawing its attention away from her. Serah cast several healing spells at Snow as the C'ieth began to hit and pound him, while Colin moved in with his blade. He stabbed at the creature, aiming for the chest and head, but only getting a few hits in before being knocked backward. Serah healed him as quick as she could, moving away as the C'ieth aimed for Snow but missed. It hit the ground, making it tremble and leaving cracks in the hard walkway they walked along. The soldiers began to fire their weapons and eventually the beast went down, restoring a tentative calm.

"Well…" Colin said, shakily getting up, "That was unpleasant." Lightning shook her head and they continued down the path, each taking the C'ieth as they came. Soon they reached the buildings and the need to form teams arose. Snow and Serah, along with the other member's of NORA, would check near the old warehouses. Sazh, who Colin insisted would have plenty of authority and that any soldier who questioned otherwise would be court marshaled, was left to check the trains of the old city above. And Colin, Lightning, and Hope were left to check Fang and Vanille's old home.

Lightning walked through the small pathways that curved to the dilapidated building with caution, glancing at Hope very now and again to see if he was holding up. She did not know what would happen once they found what they were looking for, so she swore to be extremely careful. The smaller C'ieth that blocked their way were quickly disposed of with a well placed Ruinga and several mixed element spells from Hope. Colin chose not to interfere with their rhythm, casting only healing spells as was necessary. They made their way through the ruins and reached the building, climbing up with rusty stairs that would lead to Vanille's room.

Hope glanced at the old room, the paint still peeling or, at parts, all the way gone. It was a dulled out pink color…but he was sure it had once been a vibrant pink. This was the place that Vanille, for the most part, had grown up. Now…it was nearly dust…

"So this Vanille girl," Colin questioned Lightning, distracting Hope, "She seemed to know a lot about the fal-cie and the whole situation with Ragnarok…but what was she like?"

While it was directed at Lightning, Hope was the first to answer, "She was really happy…but sad too. She was scared of what would happen to everyone…but strong…and she always tried to put others before herself. And she saved us…she saved all of us. Along with Fang. Fang was kinda scary, but she knew how to get things done. And she cared about Vanille a whole lot too…" He trailed off, thinking of how it was supposed to be all of them together.

Now everything was just a mess.

"Well said Hope." Lightning said, looking at him fondly. She turned her attention back to the numerous knickknacks and items around them. "Let's get to it. Search for anything that can help." While Lightning said that, she made sure to keep a careful eye on Colin. She still couldn't read him well and it bothered her. Was he a friend or a foe? What did he know about this whole situation?

What did he know about Hope?

Hope, for his part, was to busy searching to give the two much attention to their odd behavior. He paused at Bhatki, the small rabbit robot still intact from their last visit, and he gave the cool metal an affectionate pat before bending down to search under the old covers and items. He pulled away several books, some looking like children stories, others more mature and promising. He set them aside in a pile, the one's that may help and the ones that just had to stay out of the way.

He began to search under the old beds as well, noticing as Lightning pulled three books out herself and added them to the "useful" pile. Colin added a few as well, looking intrigued by many of them. "So these are stories of Pulse…" Hope heard him say under his breath. He sounded like a little kid…or like when in the presence of ice cream.

Hope's hand brushed against one other leather bound book, and the moment he did he felt a jolt. His hand recoiled, as if it had been burned, and he peered underneath, trying to ignore the pounding in his ears. Slowly, he outstretched his hand and brought the book out, the tingling sensation still there as he did. He set it in his lap and ran his fingers across it, feeling his stomach do odd flips as he did. His head throbbed as well and his eyes clouded over. He fingered the old pages of the book, the paper to dull and worn to cut his fingers, and his fingers tried to inch it open…

"Found another one Hope?" Colin asked, knocking him back to his senses.

"Uh…yeah…" he said after a delay. What had just happened? Colin slipped it out of his hands and Hope felt both grateful and agitated. Colin placed it on the useful pile along with the other books and Hope stared at it in slight disbelief. All the others were bound in the same kind leather, even the same dark brown. Why was it any different than the others? Would he know which was which of he touched it again?

_Touch it and find out._

The thought scared Hope even more for he knew the thought wasn't his own…so he pushed it out of his mind. They weren't done looking; there was no guarantee at all that this was the one. But as they continued to comb the house, they came up with only a few more books before forcing themselves back to camp. The books were evenly distributed in Colin's arm as Hope and Lightning acted as defense. Soon enough, they reached the intersection they had split at, the others already waiting for them as they approached. They set their books down by the rather smaller pile before sitting down for dinner. They had searched into the evening, and they still had a long search ahead. But as Hope went through the evening, he couldn't get his mind off the book.

…………………………………………

The search turned up little else in the next four days and both Lightning and Hope were getting impatient. Hope wanted to read the books already and see what they had to offer. He had more then recounted his nightmares to the others, and he was itching for answers to their strangeness and their attempts to torment him. Not that the ones lately had been so bad. But the damn book kept popping back into his dreams and Hope was conflicted. Open it or not? Did he really want to know the answer?

Lightning was frustrated because she wanted answers for Hope and she wanted to get her sister out of there as quickly as she could. Whatever Serah claimed, Lightning did not feel comfortable having her sister out on the wilds of Gran Pulse. To make matters worse, they had already lost three more soldiers to C'ieth attacks. The sooner they got out of there, the better.

She, Colin, and Hope had all arrived early that day after a few hours searching. The others would be back soon as well, and Lightning was about to tell Colin that it was time to cease the search. After the last two days they had come up with nothing and now they were just double checking. It was time to get the information.

Colin was messing with his communicator, picking up the signal he would need to contact Lt. Amodar. Lightning didn't even know they had communicators that worked on Pulse. She would have to ask for one later…

"Yes Lieutenant…I think we'll be calling it done soon. This place went dry after the first few days, but the texts we did get look promising." Looks like she wasn't the only one eager to leave. "No…this is the first time…why? What do you mean?" Colin paused, eyes blazing with apparent anger and disgust. "That bastard! I'll storm into that place myself to shut his hole! But-But…I know that…what are we supposed to do? Fine…fine…We'll be there as soon as we can." Colin snapped the communicator shut and gripped it tightly, almost crushing it in his hands. He gritted his teeth and ran a frustrated hand though his hair, seething from the news.

"What is it?" Lightning asked, clearly concerned. She glanced behind Colin's shoulder and saw Serah and Snow in the distance. Good timing…she had a feeling they would be leaving this evening.

"The Sanctum that's what…there's supposed to be a speech tomorrow concerning the fal-cie and what to do with them."

Lightning's eyes widened at this. She had almost forgotten about it…but it made her uneasy. She didn't know what to do about them…although a part of her was inclined to get rid of them. They could, after all, still make l-cie.

"Nothing has been officially announced yet. Don't get so angry." Lightning tried, glancing at Hope. The last thing they needed was an uproar, but Colin did not seem to share her thinking.

"It doesn't have to be officially announced! This isn't like with Enrich...no...we're dealing with Drake...and he was a firm supporter of Dysley, even after the whole business with him was exposed."

"Then..."

"I have no doubt that he'll keep the fal-cie intact. I doubt he'll even restrict the access civilians or military personnel alike have to those things. Being a firm Pulse l-cie hater doesn't help our situation any. He's trying to restore the Sanctum's power...Lt. Amodar has been watching him these past few weeks but we didn't think he'd make a move so soon." Colin was rationalizing with himself more than anyone, but Lightning got the gist of it. If left unchecked, the whole ordeal with Orphan could happen again, only this time Cocoon might not survive. But...

"I'm sure Lt. Amodar has it handled. You said so yourself, he's been watching him."

"But the compromise will be weak at best...the last thing we need are those damn fal-cie around!" Colin's anger was borderlining hate, but Lightning stepped in front of him, eyes hard.

"It seems you hold a greater resentment toward the Sanctum then I knew...but believe me, I understand. But we have business here as well, and I need you to calm down for it, all right?. There will be plenty of time for us to get there, and since we have collected the materials we'll need, it's not as if we need to stay."

Colin grit his teeth, glaring over the horizon, but eventually nodded his head. He looked at Hope, an apologetic look on his face, "Sorry about that. I really do hate the Sanctum you know...if they allow the fal-cie to roam free after this, I just don't' what I'll do." Colin gave a nervous laugh before one of his men called for him. He strode over, leaving Hope with his swirling thoughts.

_Colin was so...angry about the falc-ie. I wonder why...well, that's a stupid question, but why is he so angry when the rest of us...aren't? And could we really live without all the falc-ie? What about Carbuncle...he makes so much of the food. And we know so little about Pulse, there's no way we'll be able to identify what is and isn't edible that fast. And what about the power to the machines? Can we really live without all of that?_

"Hope?" Lightning asked, shaking his shoulder and breaking him from his thoughts, "Help me with these. Colin's eager to go." Hope nodded and went to help her carry the books. Snow and Serah began packing, laughing and joking with the rest of Team NORA as they did. Sazh was preparing the airship while Colin organized the troops. Hope's eyes wandered back to the books and his fingers brushed what could only be the same volume as before. It made him shiver and jolt, although he tried to hide it from Lightning. She gave him a curious glance and he shrugged.

"I'm a little cold." he said as an explanation. Lightning nodded, seemingly accepting the answer, and she led the way inside the airship.

"It'll be warm once we get going. I'll make us something to eat once we get back." She secured the books in a box and stuffed them into a corner. She turned to Hope and collected his, placing them inside as well. "Then we can get reading."

Hope nodded, but he doubted he'd be able to sit still during the trip back. He'd wind up reading the books if anything and he knew exactly which he'd pick up. Lightning noticed his staring and followed his line of vision, then nodded in grim understanding. "I guess we could read some before we get there. We'll probably get distracted by this announcement tomorrow anyway, so we might not get much done in between then."

"Thanks Light." Not too long afterward the others began to file into the airship while Colin got his men onto the other. The NORA gang began making noise, even when Sazh ordered them to sit their butts down, saying he had a son to finally get home to.

Hope sat and pulled the books toward him, Lightning sitting next to him and Serah not far behind.

….....................................

"Nothing really fits so far..." Serah mumbled, putting down another book. Hope watched a little impatiently as she picked up the book that had been blocking him from the one he'd been aching to read. Lightning had insisted that they go through the books in order so as not to miss anything, but truthfully Hope wanted to just get to that one. His eyes had blurred out the words of the book he was supposed to be reading, so he just waited until they reached it.

"This has some of the symptoms..." Lightning muttered, "But it says it has to do with the styling of the brand. Do you think that would still have some effect on him, even though it's gone? I don't remember exactly what it looked like either..." Hope reached for the old book and began to flip through the yellowed pages, his heart doing funny little flips. Both fear and excitement coursed through his veins, but his fingers guided him without his awareness.

He stopped near the middle of the book...although from what he could tell, it appeared to be an old story, similar to the Analects, but at the same time, a different story all together. He flipped to the next page and saw a large, beautifully done illustration. It was of an angel, although it was different then any other he had seen before. She was tall, with blue skin, and wearing a magnificent headpiece with wings on either side but horns or bat-like wings on the very top. Her dress was white, with gold trim going down the middle, and along the end of the dress. It covered her legs completely and she also had wings...wings that were of the deepest gold. But what really had Hope was the eyes, a deep dark red that seemed to pierce him... (1)

He began to read the inscriptions near her, and at the very top of the illustration were the words: _Ultima, the Fell Angel..._

One the page beside it was a whole description, opening with words that spoke of the past...

_A fal-cie with great golden wings, meant to act as guide and teacher to other fal-cie once the Maker took his leave. But the devastation shared by fal-cie of Maker's leave marked upon them and they grew angered and desperate. Many swore to bring him back and make the world new again, the world splitting into two. Only the Rogue, with ruffled feathers at betrayal by Maker, made her feelings known, and called for new ways. Demanding that they start without Maker, that they become makers themselves, and shape the world as they see fit. _

_But the fal-cie could see a darkness growing in her heart and turned away from her words, scorning her. They would not listen to her traitorous mutterings and enlisted aid of mortal tools, imbuing them with magic and cursing them forever with chained lives. They dubbed l-cie._

_The Rogue grew contempt and her darkness only stirred deeper, and built an army of her own. Into the hearts of men and women, children too she began to fester. She spoke the words they needed to spark, of how they were doomed to be l-cie, that fal-cie would give them not their freedom. Doomed as C'ieth, cursed as Crystal, and then on darkness of their own she would stir. Imbuing them with her own magics and promising their freedom and a new world, she built an army of mortals far greater than the other fal-cie. _

_However the Rogue was too taken with power and desire for this new world, and her wings became that of deepest black. To rid the world of all fal-cie and any mortal she deemed unworthy to her she would. She spread the darkness to other men, filling their hearts with Doubt and Hate. Sorrow and Rage. And she called for the end._

_The fal-cie saw her as a growing worry and threat to all, so with the greatest and most pure magic did they curse the Rogue. They bounded her power and stripped it away, placing her and it in Great Fortress, never to be awakened. But never was she beaten, her power too great to the taught fal-cie. So she sleeps in the dark place filled with light, the great behemoth castle that shields her power from the world. Biding time does she, waiting for the darkness to awaken so she may fill it with tainted light._

_So does Ultima rest, her heart without light, and impossible to know._

Hope stared at the old and faded words...feeling like he had been punched in the gut. His mind was whirring, trying to make sense of what he had read. His grip on the book loosened and it fell to the ground, startling the others, but all he could hear was what sounded like distant laughter. _The Great Fortress...._

_Alexander..._

_And inside...inside was..._

_He warned me...but it wasn't enough..._

_Ultima..._

"Hope?" Lightning questioned, concerned. She picked up the book that he had dropped and skimmed it, her eyes growing wider as she read. She snapped the book shut after bending the corner of the page and she grabbed Hope's shoulder, shaking him slightly. "Hope...Hope, there's no guarantee that this is it. Even if it is, we can figure this out. It isn't over. Hope. Hope? Hope!"

But Hope didn't hear her...

There was only the laughter.

…................................................................................................................

**1. The first time I've had one of these in this story. Some of you may recognize her, some of you may not, but this villainess was originally inspired by the Ultima in FF12. In fact, the description is mostly her, save for the bottom. Under the original Ultima is, in fact, what could be seen as building parts. However, this Ultima, for the purposes of my story, has been altered in behavior. But I think that's obvious! The last line of the description was taken from what you see in FF12 though, and I give credit to that game.**

**I hope this didn't annoy you all to much, but I think this is important to know! Well, I guess I'll wait to see what you think! I hope you liked the chapter! Until next update!**


	13. In Palumpolum

**Another update! Reviews:**

**Naoto07- Ultima is causing Hope so much pain...and he can't seem to catch a break. The gang has to band together or else...well...I can't say! Thanks for the review!**

**Broken Hope- Yay! I hope you like this chapter too. Ultima causing Hope so many problems...it's bound to have an effect on him. **

**Puppy-Love- Double the trouble indeed! How Hope copes...well...it's hard to say. I hope you like this chapter too, and thank you for the review! **

**I would also like to thank: ****Hope's Light, ****HopexLightning, HopexLight4Ever, In Light There's Hope D for reviwing last chapter! Thank you!**

**The next chapter is here! I have to say though, updating may get a little hard. Final two weeks of school mean finals all around. And last minute projects! But I'll do what I can! **

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**Thank you all for reading and I hope you all like it! **

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"Do you have the text?" Colin asked, staring at a spot on the table. They had arrived at their respective homes and Lightning had immediately pulled Colin aside, saying something important had come up. He had been reluctant to come at first, but when he saw Hope beside her, he followed without question. He and the troops would just have to spend the night in the airship.

"Yes." Lightning said, holding her hand out to Serah. Snow sat at the table as well, expression confused but serious. Serah handed Lightning the leather bound book who in turn gave it to Colin, and he flipped through, easily finding the page with Ultima. He skimmed through it, then studied the drawing, his brow becoming more furrowed the longer he looked.

"Well..." he said after a few moments, "This is definitely less than ideal. And is he sure?"

"More than sure....convinced sounds more like it. You saw what...we had to do..." Hope had been more than distraught when they arrived, and he refused to calm down, even going so far as to hyperventilate. He would have hurt himself if they had done nothing...so Lightning had used a sleep spell. Her fingers still tingled with guilt.

Colin sighed, resting his forehead in his hand, "Ultima...damn the name sounds familiar."

Lightning held back a scowl, thinking of all the information he had, and pushed forward, "Do you think you might have read it somewhere?"

"Maybe..." he mumbled, still lost in thought. "The problem is, I don't remember where I read it. I could check the archives and see what I can come up with..."

"Anything that might help..."Lightning bit her lip, "Or prove that it isn't true..."

Colin stared at her, a strange look in his eye, "I really think it might be Lightning...I mean...look at all the evidence. This Great Fortress, doesn't it sound like Alexander? And Hope said so himself that the big guy was warning him about something."

"But we haven't actually seen it."

"No...you're right about that. But if it really is Ultima...I don't think we want to. Damn...a fal-cie. What the hell are we supposed to do about that?"

Lightning was getting more frustrated with each passing moment. What _were_ they supposed to do about something like that? By the sounds of it, they wouldn't be able to do anything unless the fal-cie actually showed itself. But what would that do to Hope? How _would_ the fal-cie come out anyway? The questions kept piling up but they still had no answers.

"I guess it will have to wait until tomorrow, whatever our next course of action may be. I bid you all a pleasant evening." Colin said, bowing out. He headed for the door, sparing them one last glance before he left. Lightning continued to stare even after the door closed, lost in her thoughts.

"Claire..." Serah said, touching her shoulder, "Claire...snap out of it..."

Lightning blinked and glanced over at Serah, coming to her senses. "Sorry." she mumbled, tapping her fingers on the table, "I just..."

"Don't know what to do?" Serah offered. She looked at Snow, then sat down next to Lightning, keeping a comforting hand on her shoulder, "I know you want to do something...but right now we can't. We'll just have to wait until Colin get us the information we need."

"I know...but it doesn't make it any less frustrating..."

Serah gave a small smile and nodded before standing up, "I know, but sometimes you just have to take it. We should get some sleep, tomorrow is gonna be a long day." Silently agreeing with her sister, Lightning rose and followed her to their room, waiting patiently as she gave Snow a goodnight kiss. She briefly stopped at Hope's door, almost going within, but she decided against it, knowing that if he was asleep, she'd wind up disturbing him. She soon went under the covers of her bed and drifted into a fitful sleep, images of Hope turning into a fal-cie or of her shooting him down plaguing her the entire night.

…....................................................................................................

Hope stirred from his sleep slowly, eyes blinking at the rays of sunlight that his his face. He groaned and rubbed his head, acutely aware of the lack of nightmares last night. And under any other circumstance it would have been a good thing...but not now. It made him worry...and feel a bit afraid. Chances were it meant that Ultima was actually planning something.

_How'd I even get here..._

But as the events from last night steadily came back to him he groaned, throwing his arm over his face ash his cheeks started to burn. Why'd he have to freak out...in front of _Lightning_ no less. Shaking his head and still reeling from the events from last night, Hope sat up and swung his legs over the side of his bed. Snow wasn't on his own, so he knew that everyone else was up as well.

Sighing, Hope changed clothes and made his way to the dining room, only to find Colin and the rest of the gang in there as well. "Hope!" Serah cried, giving him an uneasy smile, "You sleepyhead! C'mon, have some breakfast." His appetite was shot but Hope sat and took the toast he was offered anyway. He knew that Lightning would only make him eat it, but as he chewed, it made his stomach churn. The bits wouldn't go down his throat after only a few swallows, so he put the remainder down as he choked down the last bite. Lightning seemed satisfied all the same, and looked toward Colin, nodding for him to begin.

"The others showed me the book last night Hope...the same one with Ultima." Hope gave an uneasy nod, tapping his fingers on the table. Serah watched, stifling a smile, _So much alike._ "And you're sure...it's her? Absolutely?" He nodded again, then cleared his throat to try and elaborate.

"The pieces all seem to fit...and besides, when I first touched the book and every time afterward...it seemed to be calling out to me. Like it knew that what was in there was what I was looking for...and well...Ultima sort of egged me on too..."

Colin nodded, standing up, "I figured as much...so I have some of my men working on the information as we speak. Although...I don't know how much we'll really be able to find. The Sanctum is good at keeping secrets after all."

"Tell me about it..." Snow grumbled. Lightning was still staring at Hope and the boy could feel the heat start to creep up the back of his neck. He tried to look at her, but when he saw the worry in her gaze, he immediately looked away. He was causing them all so much trouble...and now they have some force they probably won't be able to fight.

Everything was a mess!

"Do you all wish to accompany me to the announcement today in Palumpolum? It's going to be starting soon and I can't miss it. A lot of things are riding on this..." Hope looked at Colin at these words and was reminded again of another piece of news he was waiting for. Just who was responsible for his father's death? It had been buried in his mind in light of the far more pressing problem he now faced, but being reminded of it in such a small passing caused a searing pain to erupt in his chest. He gasped audibly and Lightning was at his side in an instant.

"Just a moment Colin...we'll get back to you on that..." Lightning said before leading Hope out of the room. "You don't have to go if you don't want to. It's not that urgent and I'm sure we'll have Colin on our doorstep the moment it's over, seething about something they did wrong." She said to him once they were out of earshot.

Hope felt his cheeks heat up this time, embarrassed yet again, "No! I-I want to go...it's just..." Hope took a shaky breath and looked at Lightning again. Her eyes were still filled with worry and Hope felt stabs of guilt him him square in the chest. It wasn't fair to her...to any of them...to have to deal with his problems...especially of this magnitude. It would be better if he-

_No...not again...I'm better than that. Dammit, Light said not to think that way!_

"It's just..." he continued, steeping toward her uncertainly, "I'm worried...about everyone. I mean...who knows what will happen now. I-I just...don't know-" he stopped when she placed a hand on his head, giving his hair a light ruffle.

"That's kind of you Hope...to worry about others...when you're in obvious danger yourself. That means a lot...but you're the one in the most danger after all. And it seems...like I couldn't protect you after all." Lightning looked down on herself, angry at her weakness, "If I had done something more...I'm sure I couldn't have prevented this...you wouldn't have to-"

Hope shook his head, not daring to believe his ears, "No Light! Don't think that way at all! There's no way you could have known this was going to happen, no way anyone could have! You've done great! I mean...you even...adopted me..." Hope's voice faltered a bit but he pressed on, "Light, because of you I-I actually have a shot. If I wasn't living with you right now...if you weren't here...I don't know...I just...hope I can return the favor eventually."

Something warm and comforting settled on her chest at his words and she gave him another affectionate pat on the head. "Thanks Hope." she said simply before steering him back to the room, "If you're sure you're up to it, let's let Colin know you're ready to go." _And no matter what Hope...I'll protect you..._

_I'll make sure I'm worthy of those words._

…_........................................................._

When they arrived at Palumpolum and reached the square where the announcement was being given, they were met with huge crowds of people, the hustle and bustle magnified by the event that had the whole world of Cocoon waiting. The fate of the fal-cie, or at least what they would be doing about them for now, was hanging in the fragile balance, and reporters from all over were taking their place to record the event. While the announcement was being given in Palumpolum rather than Eden, as Drake had business with the town that coincided the event, it was being broadcasted wherever it could reach.

Lightning grabbed Hope's arm and led the way through the crowd, following Colin's quickly retreating back. Serah and Snow were left scrambling in their wake, while Sazh had opted to stay at home and watch, saying it was much easier on his old bones. Hope did his best to suck in his breath, the heat from the many bodies and the pace they were going at making him sweat. He felt his body being crushed by others until Lightning gave a powerful yank that almost sent him to the ground. Afterward Lightning had on a scowl so fierce and her eyes had grown so cold that anyone near them gave them as much berth as possible. It wasn't much, but it was still far easier to navigate than before.

Colin had finally stopped near the side of the large podium where the speech was to be given. He waited until Snow and Serah had caught up as well before showing his clearance to the guard on duty. Once they were allowed by, they joined a much smaller group of people. Some looked particularly wealthy; having either purchased the precious tickets to have such a seat or were given them as some sort of bribe. Others were like Colin and were military personnel, some having brought their family members or sweethearts. Others were more like politicians; some with grave looks on their faces, others with excitement. It seemed that some of them had also brought along their families for the occasion. Regardless, Hope took a relieved but shaky breathy. It wasn't much more comfortable but it was definitely better.

"You okay?" Lightning inquired, noticing his rather red face. Hope gave a quick nod and turned to Snow who was getting odd looks.

"Snow isn't though…he's like a tower compared to everyone here."

"It's not like I can help it!" he complained, a nervous smile on his face. But Hope saw some of the relief in his eyes and was glad that he had managed to cheer him up as well. He was really worrying them all…wasn't he?

The talking started to quiet down and they all looked up to see a rather old looking man take to the podium. His face was grave, his eyes a dark, beady black, and numerous wrinkles littered his face. He had a slight hunch as well and it seemed like he would topple over any moment. But when he got to the microphone and began to speak, his voice was booming and carried through the crowds, silencing any more talk. Lightning glanced around when she felt a shift beside her and her eyes widened when she saw Lt. Amodar, but when he caught her eye he only pointed back to the man.

"People of Palumpolum…and Cocoon…" he began, surveying the crowds with knowing eyes, "I, Winston Drake, as a humble servant of the Sanctum…and ultimately Cocoon, come bearing the news of what is to be done with the fal-cie." The man paused to take a breath and began again, "The world as we once knew it to be has been changed forever, a change that is irreversible and in many ways…inevitable. It is not the fault of either the Sanctum l-cie…or even the Pulse l-cie we had all feared…but of the fal-cie who wove the events. The man we had all followed so long, Dysley, was indeed a fal-cie, and the one that orchestrated the events that led to Cocoon's subsequent change. But it was not just him…it was also the core of Cocoon…Orphan…"

"There are rumors though that almost the entire Sanctum was involved!" someone yelled from the crowds. A great amount of muttering began at these words, but Drake looked unabashed. He waited patiently for the quiet to return before addressing them again.

"I can assure you that the Guardian Corp. is doing all they can to weed those people out. I know none of you would want the Sanctum to do so after all…it would just lead to more controversy. But this leads me to the next task at hand…what to do with the other fal-cie who remain. It is impossible to tell which were involved in the act…and while I agree that they are indeed capable of creating more of the tragic l-cie…we simply are not prepared to live without them. It will take decades to fully understand Pulse…the land we must now live on. Carbuncle then…is still a vital source of food. Besides that, we cannot live without our power…not when it is what keeps Cocoon running the way it does. These are just a few examples of what we need; proving that shutting down the fal-cie will only harm us in the end."

The muttering started up again, some of the people making sounds of agreement, others looking angered or even enraged. Colin was staring at Drake with a blank look on his face, but dark clouds could be seen in his eyes. "As it stands…" Drake continued, "We are not yet capable of restricting access to the fal-cie either…I do not believe that the threat is such that we require restricting their access."

Lightning felt her own anger begin to bubble at this…what is a repeat incident happened with Orphan? They were sopposed to be taking preventative measures! It would happen all over again if they weren't careful…

"…so my people, I pray to the fal-cie that still guide us to help us in our time of need and lead us from these dark times. We will act as we must, do what we must, and ride on the support of the great fal-cie. We must not lose hope! We must struggle on! We must take the strides necessary to lead us to a better tomorrow!"

Lightning began to tune him out, anger making its way through her, and she waited until the crowds began to clear again. The faces of the people were angry…at least most were. Lt. Amodar was communicating with someone, no doubt working on counter measures, and he was speaking furiously as he gave commands. Colin was still staring at the spot that Drake had occupied only moments ago, his expression unreadable.

"That…was bad." Snow mumbled, shaking his head and putting his arm around Serah. Lightning nodded in agreement. She then turned to Hope, ready to leave, but he too was staring at the spot Drake had been. Concerned, she touched his shoulder.

"Hope, come on. We'll let the Corp. deal with it for now…" she said, trying to steer him away. Hope resisted her attempts, staring unblinking at the spot, so Lightning swiveled in front of him, looking him in the eye. "Hope, come on!" But she stopped when she saw that his eyes were giving little spasms…and he was sweating far too much. His skin was red hot and he was breathing in small, shallow gasps. His eyes flashed red…

"Hope…"

"Light….please get away…" Hope gasped, bringing a shaky hand to his forehead… "I-I can't…" He closed his eyes and groaned, his body going limp, but he did not fall. When he blinked his eyes open they were blank and red, and he stared at the spot Drake had been.

"_A fool to believe…that the fal-cie will protect…a danger to a new world just born…I must correct…one way or the other…" _Hope's voice was deeper, altered, and he gave no recognition to his surroundings, _"The Orphan fell…so now the rebirth must begin…take out the dregs and wake the dream fal-cie. Open the eyes and start the world anew, letting light shine and correct their ways…"_

"Hope! Hope! Snap out if it!" Lightning demanded, panic making her hands shake. She shook Hope's shoulders, trying to get a reaction, but he continued, unaware.

"_The great Fortress crumbles…a seed planted about to bloom, and none can stop it. The turning point starts with rebirth…and is accelerated by a new death. Know my name and see the wings spread…judgment come and is swift and unmerciful…"_

"Hope!"

Hope looked at her, eyes not his own, instead glimmering with a different knowledge hundreds…even thousand of years old deep withing the dark depths. _"Mortals…even l-cie mortals…cannot comprehend what is to come." _Hope grabbed Lightning's arm and began to squeeze, a bright light forming in his hands. Lightning gasped but kept her grip on him, even as her arm began to burn. _"Know your place… and accept that you cannot save him…" _Then…what could only have been Ultima smiled at her, dark and evil and smug. The pressure on her arm increased one more time and then spread to her other arm as well. Lightning but back the scream, still in shock as to what was happening, and only aware of the boy in her arms.

"_You will all die…one way…or the other…"_ Then his eyes widened in pain, the being Ultima screaming as a different flash of light began to shine. Lightning recognized it as Alexander, and knew that the great Eidolon was subduing Ultima. She let out a relived sigh, letting herself fall to her knees as Snow and Serah flanked her.

"Sis! Are you okay?" Serah cried, her eyes shining with tears. Lightning gave a shaky nod but Serah had already put a comforting hand on the burns. Lightning hissed at first but eventually relaxed into the touch as Serah began to cast healing spells, although it still ached and throbbed. Fal-cie power was strong after all… She still had a firm grip on Hope and she faced him, eyes slightly clouded and vision swimming. Impatiently, she forced herself to focus.

"Hope…are you okay?" Lightning gasped, thankful that his eyes were back to green. Hope however, was looking at her, his face twisted in horror. His eyes were wide and shaking, his pupils dilating as he took in what happened.

"No…no…" he mumbled, trying to pry himself out of her grip. "I-I…" _I hurt her…I hurt her…I hurt her…_

_I'm a monster…_

_No…_

_No…_

_No!_

"Hope! Listen, this wasn't you. You hear me! This wasn't you." But Hope was still shaking his head, his breaths becoming shorter and shorter. Tears threatened to fall and he felt himself getting light-headed as he continued to struggle. He was aware of Colin coming up behind him, aware of the dread, of the guilt.

_I'm a monster._

And then there was nothing.

………………………………………………….

Hope stared at the ceiling of his room, having woken up a few minutes prior. He had been like that for the past few hours, coming back to consciousness only to re-submerge himself. Anything to escape... He could hear the others voices on the other side of the room, probably discussing what had happened, although Colin's was no longer there. He didn't care though. All he could think of was the burning red marks on Lightning's arms, how he had caused those second degree burns, how he had seen it bandaged when she first checked up on him.

_I did this…_

Guilt clawed at his stomach and chest, making him sick. He had already thrown up on the other side of the bed…and he felt his body tremble begin to tremble as it prepared for another episode.

_It won't stop…_

_I can still hear her…_

He was a danger to all of them…he could hear her now, saying that she would get them all in the end. How _they_ would get them all in the end. She promised so many things…so many horrible things…and here he was, sitting there, endangering them all.

_I can't keep doing this to them…_

He remembered his father and mother…he thought of Lightning and Snow and Serah and Sazh and everything they had done for him. He could hear Vanille and Fang tell him to be strong. But his heart ached…he didn't deserve strength. He needed his own way of ending this…something that would work now. They had no solution...and now he was hurting them. Hurting them because he wasn't strong. All that progress...and yet here it was in tatters.

_I can't stay._

_I can't stay…_

_I don't…don't deserve to…_

The thoughts continued…his sorrow amplified and Ultima cackled in his mind...

Lightning came in the room about an hour later. She had expected to find a despaired Hope, lost and waiting for reassurance. She expected someone to comfort…and to be comforted knowing he was still there. To know that all was not lost...that there was still a chance. To show him that things were not as bad as they seemed.

Her stomach dropped…and she felt her heart fall away soon after. Pain pierced her, sliced through her, and she was surprised at the feeling...like she should be calling out for help. Like she was...dying... Something wet started leaking down her face but she walked unsteadily to the wide open window, paying it no mind. The cool night air froze the tears on her face…but she stared out into the night. She remembered hearing a scream, loud and pained, and at first she thought it was Hope…but when Serah came in she realized it had been her. She had made that wretched sound. She didn't care though…didn't care that she was screaming or that she was crying…

Everything was falling apart. She had failed. Failed. Again and again and again.

Hope was gone…

And it was because she hadn't done enough.

Another sob escaped her, carried on the winds of the Pulse night.


	14. The Truth

**Another update! First off, reviews!**

**Naoto07- Yeah, a lot of people want to see Hope get slapped. It made me laugh though! But this is pretty serious. Him running away doesn't bode well for them.**

**Broken Hope- Thank you! I was trying to make it really emotional, so I'm glad I succeeded. I feel bad for doing this to them all though...but Hope just couldn't stomach endangering them. **

**Puppy-Love- Another who wants Hope to get slapped! :) Yeah, I made Lightning cry. Things have been building up like crazy, so it seemed normal. Her Hope left...**

**TheRemster- Your review made me blush! Thank you so much for saying so, I always wanted to do more family fics, and then the plot started getting a mind of its own...But thank you very much for the compliment! I hope you like this chapter!  
**

**Hope's Light- Yeah...there's really not a lot of places to go...and Lightning is having a tough time...**

**HopexLightning- Yeah, she thinks it's all her fault this happened. Thing is it's not...but she can't see it.**

**HopexLight4Ever- Gasp! I'm sorry! *hugs***

**In Light There's Hope- She might hit him first...that's what everyone seems to be calling for! XD**

**Thanks you all so much for the continuing support! It keeps me pumped! The reviews especially get me excited, I'm glad you're all enjoying the story! Sorry if this update seemed to take a while, I had three really big projects and a big test. The test was 35% of my grade, and one of the projects was 30%. Had to do well....but the worst is almost over. I hope you all like this chapter, I think it turned out well! I hope you all think so too! So without further ado, please enjoy!**

…**.....................................................**

The roar of machines and the sounds of metal against metal prevailed in the large area where a bright orange light shined. Colin sat on one of the platforms, the one closest to the fal-cie known as Carbuncle, and stared at the floating, orange fal-cie. His blade was imbedded in the ground, the cloth from the glove hanging limply against it, and he stared at the fal-cie with a bored expression. But the dance behind his eyes showed anything but.

"How long has it been…since I last saw you…" Colin muttered, never taking his eyes off the fal-cie. His communicator began to vibrate and he lazily retrieved it from his pockets, flipping it open to listen to one of the reporting soldiers.

"Sir, Lighting Farron, Snow Villiers, Serah Farron, and Sazh Katzroy have all returned to their respective homes for rest. They said they will resume the search in one hour."

"I see…" Colin muttered, "All right. We can't wait any longer…so tell Tabbs to deliver the video to the broadcaster. I'll be there soon."

"Understood. But…sir?"

"Yes?"

"That small group said they were searching Pulse first to try and find Hope Estheim, but you said it was unlikely he was even there."

"I told them this."

"But you also…you told us that it was _impossible_ for him to be there. You even have footage of him walking Palumpolum's streets…you said he was staying at his old home and an investigation revealed the info to be true. It's been three days…why haven't we given them this information?"

"Sometimes soldier…sacrifices must be made for the greater good. You saw what happened at the announcement; we need to take more action. And Hope could be the key to all of it."

"Are you…are you talking about that that fal-cie you had us research…Ultima?"

"The very same."

"S-Sir…"

"Please report to Tabbs…" Colin said, snapping the communicator shut, "What a shame…we always lose recruits that way…" Colin mumbled to himself, standing up and putting on the glove, swinging the blade. "The Great Ultima. She who purges the wrong and rusts away the chains that bind l-cie. The ruined angel who promises the end of old ways. Ultima, the ruin of man's hearts, bringer of hate disguised by light, and corrupter of the pure. Whatever you call her…she has some power…" Colin struck the air a few times with his blade, a strange smile on his face, "And Hope has had the misfortune to come in contact with her…but that too was inevitable. And this will be the final straw. Then he'll come…she'll come…and it will start again."

Colin walked toward Carbuncle, getting as close as he could without falling over the edge of the platform. He aimed his blade at it, truly smiling this time as he swung at it, egging it on. Carbuncle began to reach at him, trying to mark him as a l-cie to stop the danger it could sense Colin was putting it in. Colin gave a hollow laugh, the sound echoing strangely in the room, and he swatted the tentacle like strands of light away. "Can't mark me now Carbuncle…we're done with that business. Besides…once is enough…no?" Colin laughed again, with no mirth or meaning, just laughter as he raised his blade to the fal-cie, "I'm going to kill you Carbuncle…isn't it exciting? You'll get to die after all…" Colin then left, his blade retracting back into the glove as his communicator went off.

"Tabbs reporting." Was the answer when he opened the device, "Everything's ready."

"Good. Lay the bait, there's no point if he doesn't see it."

"And the others?"

"Let them see…it will be too late by the time they get here. I'm going to the platform, so be ready." Colin paused in his trek out and looked back at Carbuncle, smirking slightly, "Can you believe it Tabbs? This great sin we have been forced to commit is about to be blown around the world. We're about to show the world some true evil…and we're gonna give Cocoon a chance to really start again."

"I know Colin…"

"I've never been more excited…" And Colin left without another word.

………………………………………………………….

Lightning allowed herself to slump into the chair, watching idly as her sister fumbled with a small T.V. and Snow ate a small lunch in silence. They had just experienced three of the longest days of their lives and it seems like nothing had come of it. Hope was still missing, and while they had combed a large area, it hadn't revealed anything. Lightning's body was slowing down, and she had just woken up from a forced sleep that her sister had made her endure. While her body appreciated the gesture, it did nothing to calm the storm in her mind.

Hope was gone…Hope was gone…Hope was gone. The more she thought about it, the angrier and more frustrated she became. Sometimes she would be angry at Hope for thinking he had to leave, for doing so without a word, for not talking to her about it first. But more often than not she was angry at herself for not doing something. She couldn't quite see what she could have done yet, but she was sure that it was there somewhere. Deep down, she was convinced that she could have done _something_.

Her eyes drifted closed but her body would not rest again. She forbade it from having this pleasure until Hope was found and she could start yelling at him. Then she'd hug him and slap him and tell him to never do that again or he'd wind up tied to the bed. And then she'd fix all these problems that just kept piling up and then she'd get him registered for school. It was a lot of work…but without Hope there with her, she felt that it didn't matter if it was hard. She wanted to do those things for him, give him the life he deserved. But she could hear his voice now…

"_But Light…what about you? I want to help you too."_

_Hmph…idiot…I just want you to be happy. Have something…after all this shit. You deserve it._

Serah watched her sister with worried eyes, feeling both angry and sad. She too was worried bout Hope, but the longer she watched her sister, the more concerned she became for her as well. Briefly the thought of Lightning's behavior reminded her of a mom that had lost their child and she felt a sad happiness from that. But the way Lightning was now…Serah didn't know if she really liked the change. She was killing herself to try and find him, they all were, but the way she was just wasn't her sister.

But in many ways…her sister had changed. She could see that…but seeing it in such a drastic fashion was frightening. She didn't know what she should make of it. Snow seemed a bit more used to it…evidence that it had happened during their journey to save her. But even he seemed a bit unsettled by it all.

Lightning knew they were watching her but she didn't give a damn if it was weird for her to be this way. She wanted Hope back dammit and it was frustrating and worrying to not know where he was. Was he okay? Had Ultima done anything to him? How close were they to him? Had Colin found him? Did she want him to find Hope?

The questions had been swirling in her mind for the past three days and they had long since become extremely repetitive, but they refused to stop their cycle. She repressed a groan, not wanting to draw any unnecessary worry to herself, as lost a cause as it seemed, and opened her weary eyes. The T.V. was now on and flashing several pictures as Serah toyed with the dial, trying to find a suitable station. Lightning watched with bored attentiveness, itching to get up and start looking again, not watch the damn idiot box. But as Serah flipped through another channel, she saw something that made her heart freeze. Serah had already passed it but Lightning stood up and touched her shoulder.

"Light, what-"

"Go back a few." She said simply, turning her eyes back to the T.V. to catch it again. Snow was watching as well, eyebrows raised in confusion. But Lightning had to confirm for herself before she tried to explain. When Serah reached the channel again, Lightning placed a hand over hers to make Serah stop, eyes never moving from the T.V.

"Claire…"

"It's him…" Lightning muttered, "It's Colin." Serah looked at the T.V. and saw that Colin was indeed there. The broadcast was coming from Palumpolum, from the exact same platform Drake had given his announcement only days ago. Several Guardian Corp. and PSI-COM soldier stood near him, all surveying the crowd of people that were slowly gathering around. Colin looked grave…and a small projection had been set up not too far from him.

Lightning felt her stomach drop. She could recognize the signs, they amount of soldiers there, Colin's behavior, his desire to help. This was a takeover…the physical destruction of the Sanctum. He was going to do it right there, in front of Palumpolum, in front of Cocoon. Anger coursed through her veins, spread throughout her body and made her want to run up there and strike him down with her gunblade.

_He used us._

But as that thought entered her brain, a different feeling struck at her chest. If he had used them…that meant that Hope…

"We have to go, now!" Lightning commanded, already grabbing her gunblade and securing it to her. Snow and Serah were startled but before anyone could make a move, Colin began to speak. The soldiers on either side had forced out none other than Drake and Palumpolum's citizens were flocking to him in a bit of a frenzy.

"What's he up too…the bastard… We should go!" Lightning said, ready to leave. But Serah held her back before she could reach the door.

"We have to listen first…see what he's planning Lightning. I know you want to go…and stop this…or help Hope…but…" Serah floundered but she got her point across to Lightning.

_But I have to know what I'm up against…_

…_dammit._

……………………………………………..

Hope walked dazedly around his old house in Palumpolum, eyes taking in everything that was left. It was not in the condition he had left it in before, obviously having to be cleaned up after they were all gone. The glass had been swept away but the windows had not yet been replaced, so a warm breeze and some sunlight made its way into the house.

Hope felt a small, bitter smile tug at his lips as he took in everything. They had even placed the pictures and paintings back on their walls. The glass pieces that had been broken left empty spaces on the shelves and walls and there was a small crack in the T.V. He sighed and dug into the couch, easily pulling out the remote. He flicked it on to see if it worked and was surprised to find it did. He flicked through channels with a bored expression before switching the television off and throwing the remote to the side.

He continued his journey through his home, painful memories surfacing in his mind. He pictured his mother as she would cook for him, prepare him for school, and listen to him complain about the latest test at school. The occasional nights with his father when he would explain what his work was. Hope wished he had listened a bit more…but as something heavy rested in his chest, he let out another small smile.

"Gotta move on…" he mumbled to himself, not entirely convinced. He let his fingers graze over the walls before flopping on the couch, his legs dangling on the side. The couch was still soft but the white had been stained with dirt and debris after they were found by PSI-COM. It seemed so distant now…almost like a dream. But Hope's thoughts kept drifting to what he had done…where he was…and where he couldn't go.

"I can't stay here forever…" he sighed to the ceiling. Guilt was whispering in his ears, making his head ache with what Lightning and the others possible reactions to his move had been. However much he reasoned that he had done the right thing, he couldn't help but feel like he had done something wrong.

_Look at what happened to Light you idiot….you think that won't happen again. Not with this crazy fal-cie inside of you. They'll never get some peace if you're there screwing it up._

The thoughts made the whole excursion make sense again. He had hurt Light and could very well hurt the others because of this damn fal-cie. He refused to risk it, not after everything they had done for him. He owed them that much.

Still the feelings remained and Hope started to think of other places he could go to get away. Palumpolum had been more for nostalgia's sake than anything…if he stayed they'd find him in no time. He could try Pulse…but he wouldn't last long there either. Not by himself.

_But I bet if I die, you die too_. Hope thought bitterly, placing a hand where his l-cie brand had once grumbled and thought of Bodhum…but that wouldn't work either. Lightning had lived their previously…she'd find him in no time at all. Considering a lot of things, she'd probably be able to find him wherever he went. The thought only made him groan and he threw his arm over his eyes. "Running away is harder than I thought…"

_Coward…_

"I already know that…thanks brain." Hope mumbled in response, turning over. Maybe if he got some sleep he could figure out what to do. But as his eyes began to droop and he could feel the call of sleep start to claim him, there was a loud, echoing siren. He shot up and looked around, heart pounding as he looked around and he thought he was about to be captured. However, as reality set back in, he realized it couldn't be...a siren that would not be used to catch him. In fact, it wouldn't make much sense if it were. Slowly he realized it was the siren used to alert the city when an important emergency announcement was being held. Hope looked toward the door and shrugged. If he went he might discover something. Or the walk could give him the chance to think.

Hope stood and headed for the door, but paused as he remembered the pictures. Feeling a familiar tightness in his chest, he walked up to one of the shelves that contained them and grabbed the frames. Carefully, as if they would turn to dust in his hands, he slipped out the photos and gazed at them. He closed his eyes and inhaled, basking in the memories that lingered, before pocketing the precious photos. He walked back to the door way and stepped out, letting his hand linger on the light switch.

"Goodbye…" he whispered, switching off the light.

………………………………………..

Colin spoke to the people of Palumpolum…and all of Cocoon, waving to the projection near him. He knew what he was speaking of…he had practiced for months, waiting for this moment. Of Sanctum's lies and cruelty, of the true horror of the fal-cie, of the injustice they caused and the lives they ruined. All practiced and perfect and so true it almost hurt. They had taken so much from him and now threatened to take even more from the people.

He hated them for everything they had done. Hated them for the people who ere C'ieth or Crystal. For the people murdered or imprisoned for their sake. For the l-cie who were forced to do terrible things to others or lose everything themselves.

For the ones who still lost everything once they had. But he had to wonder...if that was the only reason...

Colin's eyes scanned the crowd and he was relieved when he saw Hope. If anyone needed to be here, it was him. He would be the trigger; he could put a stop to everything. He and Ultima would put an end to the madness and start Cocoon over the right way. It was cruel and wrong what he wanted Hope to do, and what he intended to do in order to get there. Everything was working toward the climax though and Colin refused to stop its progress now. Not when he was so close to finally putting things right…and he would sacrifice himself, and anyone else, in order to get there.

"So citizens!" Colin shouted, bringing himself back to the present, "The Sanctum has done nothing but lie to you about the fal-cie and the l-cie! Made us out to be monsters when the true enemies were the ones supposedly guiding us! Perhaps they were guiding our future…but it would only lead to our ruin. Why destroy this chance? We can start over and build Cocoon right. Why follow the Sanctum who has done nothing but lie to you, instill fear in your, make you turn on your friends and neighbors. Make you watch the people you love die. Kill hundreds…thousand…millions of people in some act that was never meant to protect us. Just a cover up! Over and over they have forced us to do terrible things…and I am no exception to that truth."

Colin nodded at Tabbs who began to slip in the video he would need. _Sorry Hope…but sometimes we must sacrifice…to attain that which is better._

"I too have committed terrible acts under the influence of the Sanctum…and I was but a Sanctum l-cie. A so called comrade of Cocoon. But not only was I threatened with being turned into a monster any time they saw fit, I was sent to destroy the remains of an already torn family. I too lost loved ones…loved ones Cocoon assured me would be safe as long as I did what they said. What pretty little lies they turned out to be!" Colin smiled but there was no mirth behind it. Instead there was something dark and eager dancing in his eyes, one that made the crowd all the more attentive.

"In order to keep my family safe I did as I was told…and the final act before I broke away was the killing of a man…a man whose son I have met. He is a kind boy who was simply caught up in a war that was not his own. In circumstances too large. So now I give him what he has been searching for…the truth!" Colin nodded and Tabbs began the video.

It was a fuzzy picture, obviously taken by one of the security cameras. There was a man kneeling on the floor, chains around his ankles and hands. His appearance was unkempt but there was not mistaking the brown hair or the eyes. And especially not the glasses on his face.

It was Bartholomew Estheim…sitting in a Sanctum cell.

The sound of a metal door scraping the floor and opening was heard and the man looked up, confirming his identity. Bartholomew glared at the door and a man stepped into view. His dark brown eyes were focused on Bartholomew and behind him was a Sanctum official. The first one's light gray hair revealed him to be only Colin, his face apprehensive, while the official held a sneer.

"You know what to do…"

"But…but I…"

"Do I need to remind you what will happen?" Colin yelped and reached for his brand, eyes watering from the pain that the official inflicted as he activated the brand. It went on for several minutes, Bartholomew not saying a word. Only watching with a hard face...although his eyes seemed distant.

"Now do it…for the sake of Cocoon. For the worlds…we all need Ragnarok….and this can bring us a step closer to it."

Colin shook his head and raised his blade by Bartholomew neck, his eyes troubled and anguished. "I'm sorry…" he mumbled, hands shaking. He looked into Bartholomew's face, almost looking for some form of guidance. Like there would be a way to do this if he looked into the eyes of his victim. "I-"

Bartholomew gave the slightest of nods, never letting his eyes leave Colin's then raised his neck ever so slightly toward the blade. "We all do what we must." He rasped out.

Colin's hand shook for a few minutes longer, eyes pleading. Bartholomew offered him no more comfort and simply stared. He mouthed a few words…suspiciously looking like 'Forgive me my son…and I'll see you soon Nora.'

Colin increased the grip on his blade, the trembling finally ceasing, and he steeled his eyes. "We all do what we must." He repeated. He closed his eyes and struck…

There was no sound…no screaming. Only red…lots of red…splattering the walls and Colin and the official. There was a thud as the body hit the floor, of metal hitting the floor, and eventually the sounds of retreating footsteps. The video began to go fuzzy. There was a sob…loud and pained…and then the screen went black.

A loud, ringing silence in the crowd prevailed in the crowd. Shock was evident on their faces…and anger. But those were not the eyes Colin was searching for. Not the face…or the reaction. He only wanted one person…

He saw Hope almost in the center of the crowd, the boy having moved mechanically on his own, and their eyes locked. _I killed him Hope…I killed him…now do what you have to._ Colin smiled for added measure, boring into Hope's eyes. Hope's mouth was slightly open in shock, eyes wide with tears shimmering, begging to be released. His whole face had gone pale and the thought of breathing was laughable at best. His mind was blank…nothing was sinking in.

_Colin killed him…Colin killed him…Colin killed him…_

_I just saw it…_

_Bu it can't be real…_

_It is…it is….it is…._

_No…_

Colin saw the way Hope struggled and decided to push him a little more until it really sunk in. "So there you go…just one of the many horrible truths that the Sanctum has denied you! So let us all-" he glanced at Hope, "do our best to fix the mess they have created. We all have to do our part!" Colin pressed a button on a small control device and airship, flying overhead, opened up, and sending something flying to the ground. It bounced a few times until finally resting near the crowds.

The body of Drake.

"I know I have!" Colin cheered.

There were screams from the all around the crowd but Hope only glanced at it, his whole body feeling numb. He could feel something start to swirl inside of him, anger, and bubbling hatred. He tried to bite it back but it wanted to spill forth. It was all in ruins…all of it. The whispering in his head started again, low and comforting and everything he needed to hear...

"So if anyone wants to find me, or wants to witness the beginning of the new Cocoon, feel free to give chase." Colin teased, simply stepping on the ladder that was lowered from the airship for him. He could feel Hope's eyes on him and resisted the urge to look. "I'll be waiting for you Hope…who knows…maybe you'll wind up like your father."

And with that last jab he was off…his mind briefly flicking back to the video. "A shame…" he mumbled as he was raised into the air, the wind whipping his hair around , "If things had worked out differently…I might have felt a little different." He smiled, cracking his neck and feeling the edge of his blade, "Too bad that part of me…has long since been dead."


	15. In Pursuit

**Another update! Yay! But there seems to be a little confusion from the last chapter and I apologize to my readers. Carbuncle was not killed, Colin was simply egging him on. That's all. No fal-cie death yet. Sorry if that wasn't clear. Forgive me?**

**Puppy-Love-Thanks! Poor Hope indeed, he's got no luck right now. Hopefully Lightning will be able to smack some sense into him. We'll have to see...**

**Naoto07- Yes, poor Hope! No one really won last chapter, so it's looking dark for them. I hope you like the chapter!**

**Broken Hope- Yeah, Light always struck me as someone who would do this. As for Hope's punishment...*giggle* Colin is kind of going off the deep end isn't he? And they better, I doubt Hope will fare well. **

**Hope's Light- Everybody wants Colin to die! Ha ha. Not that I can blame you. **

**HopexLightning- Poor Hope indeed, what will he do to Colin?**

**HopexLight4Ever- Lightning just wants to see Hope again and makes sure he's okay...but I'm making it a tad hard for her aren't I? And yeah...Colin is kind of on everybody's shit list.**

**In Light There's Hope- I'm sorry! I didn't really realize how dark I made this chapter until it was finished. But it really is...sad huh? Another one wanting a dead Colin. Oh dear, he better hide!**

**I want to thank all of you wonderful reviewers and readers! You've gotten me really far along with this story and it always perks me up! I hope you'll all enjoy this chapter as well! Tell me what you think of it but I think you'll like it! **

…...

"That bastard!" Lightning spat as she and the others began the quick trek toward Sazh's house. They had left the moment the broadcast was over, Lightning with a look so fierce it even made her sister quiver. They were making their way to Sazh in hopes of some help on the matter, but when they reached him, he was already waiting outside his door, a grim look on his face. His arms were crossed and beside him was the babysitter that had started calling so often. She gave them a small wave as they approached.

"Bout time you showed up." Sazh said, unhooking his arms, "C'mon, this little lady has already provided us with an airship. Let's go kick that guy's ass." Sazh turned to the women who gave a knowing nod.

"I'll make sure he gets everything he needs, and all the emergency numbers are on the fridge should I need them."

"Thanks." Sazh mumbled, scratching the back of his neck, "Sorry for calling so much. But things just don't want to settle down."

"I understand." And with another nod Sazh led the others to the back of his home, a small airship waiting for them to board.

"Well come on, we don't have time to waste." Sazh reprimanded. Lightning blinked but managed to give a grim nod as she allowed Snow and Serah to enter first.

"Thank you Sazh." She said, pausing at the door.

"Don't go thanking me soldier. One of our is in a shit load of trouble right now. We gotta show this little punk he can't mess with one of our own."

"I hear you." Lightning said, hand going toward her gunbalde, "I just hope we're not too late." she added under her breath. With that she boarded the airship, Sazh following close behind her and going toward the pilot's seat. The others took their seats and buckled up, none of them saying a word as Sazh started the airship and flew into the air. They were all lost in dark thoughts of what they had just seen. Snow remained silent, looking out the window and wishing Hope was all right. Serah was biting her lips and staring into her lap, hands shaking slightly at what she had just witnessed. Sazh was paying grim attention to what was in front of him, trying to find a way to listen in on the reports from the PSI-COM of the area. If he managed it...they'd find Colin sooner, and probably Hope as well.

And Lightning had a hand on her gunblade, gazing out the window as she thought of what would happen to Hope. If everything was as planned as it seemed, that meant Hope was already there, and had witnessed the event. Lightning had no doubt that it what had happened, and that could mean he was in pursuit.

Who was she kidding...of course he was in pursuit.

But that was probably what Colin had wanted...why he was so helpful. Colin probably wanted to use Ultima for something...and if his behavior was any indication...it was to destroy the fal-cie.

"Dammit." Lightning muttered under her breath. "You better be okay Hope. Just stay calm and wait for us to get there..." She watched as they approached Cocoon and inevitably Palumpolum...and she could see the many airships clamoring around the area. Several began to pursue them and Sazh just barely managed to dodge several shots aimed at them.

"Quit firing!" Sazh shouted, just barely maneuvering around another barrage of shots, "We're on your side!" One shot managed to graze the side of the ship and they shook, each holding on to their seats to avoid falling. Lightning unbuckled herself and carefully made her way over to the pilot's seat. Gripping on to the parts of the ship she could when it gave a nasty rumble. She slammed against the control panel on one violent lurch, Sazh jumping at her sudden arrival.

"Jeez Light!"

"I'm opening the Guardian Corp. communication line." she said, flipping several switches. Static met her ears at first, then a jumble of voices. Lightning waited until she heard the familiar voice of her lieutenant before speaking into the line. "Lieutenant Amodar!" She called into the receiver, "Please respond!"

"Farron!" One voice managed to shout above the others, "Just a second! Quiet down! All of you quiet down, this is important." Once calm seemed to be restored on the other side, Amodar spoke again, "Glad to hear you're there Lightning."

"We won't be here much longer if something isn't done about PSI-COM and the confused Guardian Corp. ships. They're gonna shoot us down."

"I'm on it. Stay on the line and don't get shot." Lightning rolled her eyes but made no comment, only increasing her grip on the somewhat slippery surface when they were grazed again. Sazh let out a string of curse as he tried to maneuver around the ships again. After several more shots they finally stopped and a collective sigh of relief was released from the inhabitants of the ship. "You alive in there Farron?"

"Yes Lieutenant. What's the situation?"

"Bad. I've got a quarter of my soldiers AWOL. Fucking bastards went along with Colin, seems like the kid has been planning something like this for months."

"Months?"

"Yes. Don't know why he decided to act now though. From what some of my soldiers have found, he still had at least another year to go until he was prepared for something like this. Something must of triggered it..."

_Hope..._ Squashing her worry for now, Lightning continued, "Do you have any idea where he is now?"

"That's the big question isn't it? We've got all of Palumpolum on lockdown, and the air is obviously not much of an option to go through, but we still haven't pinpointed him. I've got foot soldiers combing Palumpolum...but still no luck."

_Fal-cie...Colin hates them...so he'd..._

"Sir, I think I may have an idea as to where he is. I'm going to go in first and report to you when we arrive."

"Wait! Farron! Farron hold the line. If you know where he is, let us know so I can send someone-"

Lightning cut the communication line before the Lieutenant could continue, earning her a smirk from Sazh. "Not waiting?" he asked, heading down toward Palumpolum now that they were no longer being shot at.

"Like you have to ask." she retorted, never taking her eyes off their current track, "Sazh, I want you to head toward those tunnels. We should be able to avoid detection and get where we're going pretty fast if we go that way." She pointed forward, guiding him to the left, and Sazh took the turn, guiding the airship smoothly as he went.

"And why's that?"

"There's a fal-cie." Sazh's eyes widened but he nodded, continuing the course.

"We're gonna have to stop here." Sazh muttered, slowing the ship down until they could stop. He landed the ship and the others filed out, their ears being met with shouts and gunfire. "Well that sounds good."

Lightning looked toward the noise but it was hard to tell exactly where it was coming from with all the chaos that surrounded them. Heavy hot air hung over them, and civilian and soldier alike were scattered among the streets. Some soldiers began to shoot into the crowds; shouting and yelling for them clear out. There was screaming all around them and confusion swept over the crowds as they went in every direction, trying to find safety.

"C'mon…" she mumbled, turning to the others, "We'll use this to cover our tracks." She looked toward Serah, making sure she was ready for the trek they were about to embark upon, and her younger sister gave her a swift nod. Without further delay they began the journey through the tunnels, Lightning's heart pounding in her ears at what they would find.

……………………………………………...

Hope felt his whole chest constrict as he pursued what he could feel was Colin's path. People shoved into him, almost knocking him over several times, but he paid them the same attention they gave him. He was far too focused on where the airship's path was, the little thing already having disappeared on the horizon, but his feet kept moving.

In the back of his mind a voice kept whispering to him, telling him where to go, and Hope was unconcerned that the voice belonged to Ultima. In fact, his thoughts were far too incoherent to make sense of much of anything other than to follow his gut. They were a jumbled string of words, weaving in and out of his brain as quickly as they came. Rationality had made only brief appearances in feeble attempts to calm him down, but as quickly as it started, the rage would come roaring back to life. He could not take what just happened lying down. He had to pursue.

It was the only thought that made sense to him.

He blinked when he came upon the tunnels, having been unaware of where his feet had been taking him prior. His heart beat all the more ferociously, hands trembling slightly as he looked down the deep tunnels that seemed to stretch forever beneath him. Hope glanced around; easily spotting the ship that Colin had come through. It seemed abandoned now, the soldiers having joined the skirmishes going on all around him, but they were not the ones that Hope was searching for.

He looked back at the tunnels, knowing no one would stop him, and jumped, landing within. The voice continued to whisper and push him forward, the phrases broken and indistinguishable. Hope pressed on, his rage still rampant in his chest. He wanted something to hurt the way he hurt. To really feel his pain and sorrow and anger and frustration.

It seemed like forever since he had felt such poignant hatred that it almost shocked him back to his senses. He moved quietly and calmly, but inside the feelings of hate continued to erode him, like an acid. It was the deceiving calm on his face that he used as his weapon, eager to get to Colin. But to do what…

To kill him…?

Like he had wanted with Snow?

Could he do that? Could he handle it?

But as the images of his father being struck down flashed in his mind again, it boiled away that sense of uncertainty. He wanted Colin to _suffer_, to _die. _To know what he had done…and _feel_ it too. Hope wanted these things to happen so much that his body quivered and he stalled, lost in the whole idea's contemplation.

Pursue him…kill him…show him what he's done…He wants it…give it to him…

_Set me free…and I will do it. Continue forward…and we will do it. Know no fear, only vengeance! Vengeance against all who had wronged you! Go! GO!_

And Hope began again, moving his legs forward even as they burned and screamed at them to stop. He would not fail now…not when it mattered so much. He had to do this. He had to do this.

Again he was being guided, now certain it was Ultima leading the way, and the pale orange light of Carbuncle came into view. The moment the fal-cie was in view, he felt a different kind of hunger and rage. It was old and bitter and so poignant that it made him gasp. His heart was beating wildly, calling for bloodshed, clawing away at him. He felt betrayed…in more ways than one.

"I see you've come after all…" Hope clenched his hands at the voice and whirled around to see Colin standing away from the fal-cie, a small smile on his face. "And here I was thinking you wouldn't show."

In a roar of rage and pain, Hope charged at him, uncaring that the voice in his mind was shouting as well or that Colin's blade glinted in the orange light. Colin took several steps back but Hope was fast. However, Colin brought down his blade upon Hope, only to have it buffeted by a last minute protect spell.

"You should know better than to just rush headfirst into battle, especially with an opponent that you know so little about."

"Shut up!" Hope roared, taking out his boomerang and aiming it at Colin. Before he could throw, the gray haired man pressed a button on a small control panel, causing the platform to lurch and throw his aim before he could strike. They moved up slowly, Carbuncle shrinking from view.

"I have to see for myself…" Colin muttered, raising his blade at Hope, "…just what the angel is capable of. Come on Hope…" Colin smirked, "Come and kill me."

Hope needed no other invitation and charged again, putting up a shell as several blizzard spells came his way. He felt warmth travel down his arm toward his hand, the burning sensation coating his fingers as fire erupted. He shot the burning flames at Colin, some acting as decoy for the more powerful Fira spells. The smell of burnt flesh met his nose and Hope knew at least one had hit. As Colin moved to heal the burn Hope charged again, this time with his boomerang raised high.

Colin saw the fast approaching tool and just barely dodged as the healing spell took effect, but he was not so lucky with the blizzard spell. Rather than his arm going numb, as a normal blizzard spell would cause, it froze the whole thing. Cursing under his breath, Colin let his fingertips ignite and pressed them against the frozen appendage, smirking slightly as Hope retrieved his boomerang.

_So Ultima is helping him after all…she wants this done quickly…but she won't get control with something like that…_

The boomerang flew at him again, but this time Colin raised his blade and nicked it, throwing it off course. As he heard the weapon hit the ground, he conjured an aero spell to knock it away even more. "That all you can do Hope?" he taunted, throwing a thunder spell at him and purposely missing, "Well at least you're more of a challenge than your father. _He _just sat there and took it." There was a twinge in his chest at his own words but it was quickly lost when Hope aimed a Thundaga spell at him.

"Shut up you bastard!" Hope seethed, firing spell after spell at him as he used it s cover to retrieve his boomerang. The pause in his movements as he yanked it back was enough time for Colin to charge, and he barely had time to look up before the blade was crashing down on him. His arm moved in barely a second, his breath coming out in sharp gasps when his boomerang blocked the blow.

"Well that was close." Colin said, increasing the pressure. "Better be more careful Hope." Hope's arms trembled underneath and threatened to give, but Colin's grip relaxed slightly. "So close Hope…I'm so close to making things right again. All I have to do is get Ultima…she can destroy the fal-cie. I can't though…not alone or with my men. There's so many…and some of them are so powerful…but with her it all becomes possible…"

"You're crazy!" Hope spat, bucking underneath him. Hope called forth fire again, imbuing it into his blade. He continued to increase the heat until Colin pulled away, his blade scorched.

"Maybe I am…" Colin said, aiming a thunder spell at him lazily. "But that doesn't change anything! I'll do whatever it takes to make this change. Cocoon will be free!"

"There's nothing to free it from!"

"Then you're just as blind! But it doesn't matter, so long as I have Ultima. Come on Hope…hate me for what I did! I want you to!" Colin backed away until he was at the control panel again, sending them on another ride up.

Hope stumbled slightly but quickly regained his balance, glaring at Colin, "This is it isn't it?' Colin continued, "What you've been waiting for? Then kill me already you little brat!" Colin charged at him again, but Hope only flung several elemental spells at him. But the more he fired, the more he could feel something tingling just at the back of his mind. Then, as the thunder spell left him, it was as if it had cracked.

Hope shuddered at the feeling and looked at Colin. "I hate you…" he gasped out, shaking his head in confusion and frustration.

"I know…" Colin said, "And you have every right to." He mumbled under his breath. Colin took the initiative now, imbuing his own blade with thunder. He glanced at Hope, eyes speaking volumes. _This is it… Either I kill you…or you kill me…_

Colin charged at the boy and Hope felt his arms tingle and tremble. They lifted on their own for Hope was frozen, his mind whirring. What was he doing here again? What was happening…?

_Dad…what now? Mom…I wish…this made sense…_

_Why do I feel…so sad?_

Colin raised his blade as Hope's boomerang was raised, and for one brief moment…Colin thought he saw Bartholomew. A feeling, something he marked as small and insignificant, welled in his chest. But it was quickly gone, extinguished in the moment as if it had never happened. Colin's grip on his blade relaxed. He knew what was coming…had known it all along.

He was going to die.

Half him felt as if it was ripped to shreds…then he felt the cool floor. It was refreshing…

But he was not dead…for next he heard a strangled sob.

Hope knelt next to him, hugging his own arms slightly, unbelieving in what he had done. His whole body trembled and his breath came in short gasps, as if he couldn't quite make his lungs work. His shirt was coated in blood, the sticky substance dripping onto the floor and staining the shirt.

"What do I do…" he muttered, "What do I do…" He glanced at Colin, trying not to look too closely at the wound. It was a deep gash and sizzled slightly from the fire he had used. It bled in pools, making a puddle underneath Colin… He could also see the other burns and marks from before, and the blue tinge to the skin where blizzard spells had hit.

He had done this…to another person. And somehow…it hurt. It wasn't like before…when it was soldiers hell bent on killing him or monsters who wanted to eat him. No…he had felt Colin relax into the blow…

He felt Colin accept death…and it frightened him. It was a large and looming fear that he struggled to comprehend and he was so frozen over by it that he just couldn't _move!_

But Ultima was all to willing to provide him with answers…

"_End him…end him…remember what he did to your father…"_

_But wait…that's not right…_

_He had been crying…in the video…he was crying. _

_He had said 'sorry'._

"_Like that means anything!"_

_He regretted…he did what he was forced to do…_

"_Lies! Lies!"_

_I don't know what to do…I'm so angry…and sad…but I-_

"_Then I will end this!"_

Hope felt a sharp pain in his side and let out a gasp, clutching his stomach. His muscles tensed sweat began to bead and drip down his face as the feeling spread to his chest and neck. Like he was being strangled. Like someone was sitting on him.

Like someone was trying to make him move.

The pain spread to his head and he shakily stood up, stumbling slightly on his own feet. He stared wide eyed at Colin who stared back, still as accepting. "We all do what we must…" he repeated, taking a deep breath and looking up at the ceiling. "We all do what we must…"

"No…"

"I won't blame you…I asked for this Hope…"

"No…I don't-"

"I want to die…"

Hope's arm as moving on its own, magic he did not know or understand burning in his fingers. He tried to move it away, to make it stop, but it would not listen. He was going to kill him…this man in front of him…because of Ultima…because of Ultima…

And all his resolve to end it…to kill Colin was swept away in one breath. He tried to move, tried to stop the hot wetness in his eyes, tried to do something. _I don't want this! I can't! I won't! No! _But his arms did not obey, even as Hope let out a cry.

_Don't…no...I can't…it isn't right! It isn't right!_

_I won't be a murderer! I won't be like the others! This isn't right!_

And the magic erupted.


	16. Sacrifices

**Another update at last! Reviews!**

**Hope's Light- Yup, Colin has a bit of a backbone. I loved writing that fight to be truthful. A lot of people thought Colin would be done in seconds. As for Light and the others...well we'll have to see.**

**HopexLightning- Yes Lightning! Hurry! That fight was so fun! :) Hope may have Ultima, but then again, she is kind of evil. Hope really doesn't want to rely on her. **

**HopexLight4Ever- And kick Colin's ass good! Hope feels very conflicted, especially since he knows both sides to the story. And the explosion...well...insert some dramatic music. **

**In Light There's Hope- Yeah, there'd probably be death of anyone found out. And yeah, Colin was trying to get Hope mad enough to take him out. He's a strange guy. And the blast...well...you'll find out.**

**Broken Hope- He does, he's under so much stress. I really torture him don't I? **

**Puppy-Love- You'll see! The punishment might be a while though! **

**I want to thank you all for your wonderful reviews! I'm glad you're all excited, and I hope this chapter pleases. It was fun to write, I have to admit. I appreciate you, my wonderful readers, and I'd love to hear what you think! Now onward...to the suspense! **

* * *

Lightning cursed under her breath as they proceeded down the tunnels, their footsteps echoing loudly around them. She had forgotten how long and winding the tunnels were, and although they had not yet met with any soldiers or other forms of security, it did not put her mind at ease. Every second seemed to stretch into an hour...she knew they were taking too long and it drove her internally nuts.

Lightning kept her blade at the ready, as Sazh kept his guns loaded and cocked, prepared for anything that may decided to suddenly swing their way. Lightning was painfully aware of their pace, which had now slowed down considerably, but refused to say a word as to the cause. She knew, after all, that Serah was trying her best to keep up with the more physically fit and battle ready group. She would not reprimand her for it, as she was doing well with the task, but that did not stop a small bubble of anxiety from popping up.

After what seemed like an eternity of long, confusing paths and terribly slow platforms, the familiar hanging platform of Carbuncle came into view. But Lightning's heart fell out of her chest when she saw that Carbuncle was no longer there. They approached the deserted center, the whole area plunged in an eerie darkness because of the loss of light. From what she could tell from the occasional spark, Carbuncle had been the one to break free...but where did it go? Why in such a hurry?

Where was Hope?

"Light!" Lightning turned at her sister's frantic voice and saw her knelt dangerously close to hole in the ground, bits of the platform crumbling away. But as she strode over, she saw her sister, and quickly Snow, drag something away from the edge. She looked closer and bit her lip when she saw Colin's severely wounded form. There were several fresh and bleeding wounds, already soaking her sister's trembling hands as she ran healing hands over the wounds in an attempt to cure them. But the wounds were bad...it would take time to cure him enough to move him.

Time they didn't have.

Lightning cursed again and knelt beside her sister, lifting Colin's head, and forced him cloudy eyes to look at her own hard ones. Colin tired to open this mouth to speak, but all that came out were strange gurgling noises, so Lightning ran a healing hand over his throat and chest, causing him to sputter and cough.

"You- don't have- time for me..." Colin managed in between coughs, smirking sightly, "You- want to- catch up to him- right?"

"I should kill you..."

Colin chuckled, "Hope almost...did it for you..." his couching stopped but his words were slow and slurred, and his chest tightened painfully as he fought off another round of coughs, "Or is it Ultima now...? Does...it matter? You'll...want to hurry...I don't know...how long he'll last..."

Lightning stared down the only path Hope could have taken, the same as Carbuncle. Colin was right...she couldn't afford to waste time here. She she wanted this guy alive...for now at least. She had questions...but their options were few...

"Serah...you stay here and tend to his wounds. Snow, guard Serah." She ordered. Serah nodded, immediately understanding what her sister meant. Snow opened his mouth to protest but Lightning beat him to the punch, "I'm trusting you with this hero." Snow's mouth snapped shut and a wide, but somewhat strained grin, crossed his face.

"You got it sis."

Lightning nodded and motioned for Sazh to follow her, quickly picking up the pace they had lost at the stop. Their feet pounded the floor once more, echoing almost too loudly, and as they finally reached the next room the saw the first signs of security. But they had been...beaten back. Machine parts were splayed against the walls, some more whole than others, and dead or knocked out soldiers were hung across some of them.

"Not good..." Sazh mumbled, surveying the damage as they slowed to a steady walk, "And getting worse..." Lightning silently agreed. Before them now were two paths, neither with any indicators as to which way Carbuncle, or Hope, went. If they picked the wring path, doubling back may take too long and they could lose Hope. Splitting up was there only option.

Lightning looked at Sazh, silently communicating what they had to do, and they wise man simply shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever we gotta do. Just holler of you find something. No sense in standing up to this alone." He gave her a mock salute with his gun and she nodded. They gave one another one last glance before going down separate paths, Sazh to the left, Lightning to the right.

* * *

As Serah worked frantically on Colin's broken body, she couldn't help but think of all the times Lightning had been injured as well. She would come home with broken bones or stitches and Serah would have to hold back tears. Lightning had always pushed herself too far, it was her nature, but it was also Serah's nature to worry over it. But she had never seen anything as bad as this on her sister, and as her trembling hands moved, she prayed she wouldn't again.

The blood was starting to make her feel sick and she felt Snow's hand on her shoulder, a brief attempt at comfort. He nuzzled his chin into her shoulder just enough that she could feel his presence, whispering assurances in her ear. He made her feel safe...but that didn't stop the hiccups when she saw several spurts of blood work their way through her fingers. Someone was dying and here she was, trying to stop it, but the bleeding was so much. So much. And it was heavy and thick and...so red.

"Try...to ignore it..." Colin rasped, noticing her growing panic. Snow gave him a sharp look and Serah shook her head. "Then...talk...while you...work..." He didn't care much whether he lived or not, but he wished it would tilt one way or the other already. Bleeding out was good and all, but really, he wanted to die or just be brought back.

Limbo was too useless...dead was useless too...but at least he wouldn't be aware of it.

"Wh- Why...did you do all this...?" Serah asked, conjuring up another curing spell and talking loudly to cover a sickening squelch.

"To...make the Sanctum...pay...they took my family...and they took...me..." Colin shrugged, then hissed in pain at the movement, "The fal-cie removal...is to remove their...power over Cocoon..."

"But we...still need some of them."

"Serah wait-"

"It's okay Snow...I just need a second..." She took a deep breath and moved to another wound, "So why?"

"I...did not believe...it was worth...having a few...luxuries..." Colin smirked, but it was twisted in pain, "After all...it guarantees Cocoon...a safe spot. No more...l-cie."

"Then...then why Hope? Why him...he's been through so much..."

"Serah."

"I know he...has...he just had...the misfortune of...being Ultima's container... All of this...was an attempt to draw her out...force him to the deepest despair...so that she could use her powers without...obstacles. Needless...to say...he's still hanging on..." Colin snorted and coughed, so Serah healed faster, mind reeling,. Colin continued, "He must...be driving Ultima up the wall...his will...to stop her form taking over..." Colin looked lazily up the ceiling, it stretching for miles, "I wonder...what that means for us all..."

"You weren't thinking..." Snow mumbled, anger evident in his words.

"To be fair...I thought I'd be dead...besides...anything is better than fal-cie rule..."

"But why this far..."

"Don't try to reason with that man." Snow and Serah jumped, Snow preparing to attack the new intruder. A man walked into the room, and he wore standard issue Guardian Corp. armor, his hair a blaze of striking orange. His eyes were a bright green but a scar ran down one eye. The man gave them a crooked smile, raising his hands to show he meant no harm as he approached Colin's limp form. "He's too crazy for even me to get."

"Tabbs...you followed didn't you...?"

"Of course we did sir. You're crazy, but we don't like the Sanctum...or fal-cie...anymore than you do."

"And just who are you?" Snow demanded, his fist still raised.

"Tabbs..." The man answered, "Second in command for this little operation." he looked back down at Colin, pulling out several small documents, "I brought the papers."

"Papers?"

"I...like to cover...my bases..."

Serah startled back to attention and began to work again, but Tabbs knelt down and forced some painkillers and potions down Colin's mouth as well. "Really got your ass beat didn't you..." he looked at Serah and gave her a reassuring smile, but it was still crooked, "Consider it old fashioned, but we like to know how to take down fal-cie if they might...I don't know...try and destroy everything."

Serah's eyes widened and Snow let a small, soft curse fly from his mouth. "Y-You mean..."

"He may be a real strange idiot...but that doesn't mean he doesn't plan. Who wants a big, bad, out of control Ultima around? She may be the best bet at taking out the fal-cie, but she's also risky."

"Give...them...the documents..."

"What?" Tabbs exclaimed, "But we haven't even seen her in action."

"This plan...is a failure..."

"But..."

"Failure..." Colin said nothing more as Tabbs angrily handed the documents to Snow. Snow looked them over, trying to makes sense of them, but Serah looked at Colin.

After everything he had done...she doubted she would forgive him. But she couldn't stop the words from leaving her mouth, "Thank you..." It was barely more than a whisper, and she wasn't sure if Colin heard it. He continued to stare at the ceiling, eyes blank.

He remained silent...his thoughts twisting...

_Magic erupted from Hope's hands, a may-lay of different elemental spells. Colin closed his eyes, braced for the impact, but only felt the intense heat, the cool breeze, the tingle from electricity, only by his face. He opened his eyes, surprised he was not dead, and let out a small breath as he felt the breeze coming from below him now. He glanced toward his side and saw a gaping hole barely half an inch from his head, some of the parts still slightly a flame._

"_I can't...I can't do it...I won't be a murderer." He heard Hope mumble. He turned back to face the boy as he cradled his head in his hands, obviously fighting an internal struggle. Colin knew what it was, he had, after all, been the one who had tried to bring it on._

_Ultima was calling...but Hope did not want to answer._

"_She-won't leave- you alone."_

"_I know that!" Hope cried, his voice cracking slightly. He watched the boys body begin to tremble, shaking his head in frustration and fear. "She won't...shut up! But I won't...I can't!"_

"_Don't ...you want...me dead...?"_

"_I-I don't know! I don't...I can't do this! I have to make her stop! I have to make her stop!" Hope let out a blood curdling scream, Colin's hairs standing up in response, and he found it hard to keep his already heavy eyes open against the magic shooting out from Hope. The boy let out little cries of pain as each spell was forcefully released, scratching at his face each time. _

"_No more...no more...I won't let you..."_

"_You're- only- making it harder."_

"_I won't be like everyone else! I'm not gonna just...just give in...I can't!" Colin fought to keep his eyes opened as he watched Hope jerkily move toward Carbuncle. The fal-cie was shivering in what could only be fear, the parts holding him in place falling apart. It was trying to escape it's impending death..._

_Colin couldn't help but think of the irony of it all. The fal-cie that marked him, one of the biggest moments he had been waiting for, and he could hardly enjoy it. All he could think of was how tired he was from all the blood he had lost, and how bad his skin smelled from where it had been burned. How his emotions were acting up...old ones he had decided to burnt because they made the mission difficult. Made him face something he just wasn't ready to face. _

_A forced elemental spell brought forth a painful scream from Hope, the spell shooting for Carbuncle. The fal-cie let out a strange cry but finally removed itself from it's unintended death trap, hurrying away as fast it could. Hope growled in frustration then let out a sob, then a laugh, then another sob. Colin didn't know Ultima would have so much trouble with one emotionally destroyed child, but gave Hope some small beacon of respect._

_Or he would have had his eyes not felt so heavy. The last thing he recalled was Hope's shrinking, stumbling figure as it followed Carbuncle. _

"Don't...thank me..." Colin finally whispered, an annoying wetness in his eyes.

* * *

The farther Lightning ran, the more her blood seemed to pound in her ears. Her head was throbbing now, a testament to the pain, but she kept going. She had no time for nerves, only to get to Hope before it was too late. Before he was killed by Carbuncle. Before he was taken over by Ultima. Before it was beyond repair.

She could sense that she was heading in the right direction, but a flash of the hole by Colin's head slowed her down for he briefest of seconds. As she sped back up, her thoughts were muddled with anxiety. _What if I'm too late... What if she has him..._

_What do I do if she does?_

_No...I can't think about that..._

The door to the next room was coming up fast and her heart rate doubled in response. She heard a loud bang and willed her legs to go faster, sweat dribbling down her head. She pulled out her gunblade, preparing herself, and rushed in as the door slid open.

At first, all she saw was an orange light. She glanced at Carbuncle, noticing that the fal-cie laid prone on the ground. But a loud thud drew her attention away from the wounded fal-cie to a staggering boy.

Hope.

He had his platinum locks entangled in his fists, shaking his head and stumbling a lot. He pushed himself off the wall he had fallen against, nearly falling to the floor instead, and gave a loud snarl. Lightning felt the hairs on her neck stand up and she gulped as she watched Hope struggle, as if he were an animal that would strike at any moment. Eventually he looked at her, his expression pained and annoyed, one eye startlingly red, the other a dulled out green.

"Hope..."

Hope snorted and Lightning's heart sank with her stomach, pounding uncomfortably all the way down. Her grip on the gunblade increased, but her hands began to tremble as her mind struggled with what to do next. Hope smirked at her, his expression twisted into something inhuman.

"Look who decided to show up. Isn't this just wonderful you little mortal. This damn brat...in a last minute bout of fear, decides to spare that insect's life."

"It's called mercy..." Lightning growled, knowing she was speaking to Ultima.

"Didn't feel like it...but what do I care for such petty things..."

"Give me Hope! Give him back!" Lightning shouted.

"Making demands girl? On what grounds? As far as I'm concerned, I hold all the little pieces to this game." Hope/Ultima groaned, clutching his head. "This damned brat still fights with annoying ferocity...how am I supposed to conquer they who sealed me when I have him trying to seal me back up?" It was meant as a rhetorical question, but Hope glanced back at Lightning. A wicked smile crossed his face.

"His body grows weak you know...bit by bit I can feel him fading. As annoying as it is...he's no good to me dead. And certainly no good to you." Lightning felt her hands sweating and bile rise up in her throat as she listened to Ultima's taunting words. "Dead, dead, dead. This boy will soon be dead, his light snuffed out by the wind...so great is my power...but he cannot die yet. What am I to do...when he refuses to give me control."

"Hope..."

"It's like he wants to die...thinks he's protecting everyone...foolish little boy. Doesn't he know painful death can really be?" Hope smiled, "Even if he restricts my power, I am not helpless. Perhaps a lesson in pain is all it will take?" Hope raised a hand to his stomach, the fingertips igniting, and pressed them to his shirt, easily reaching the skin.

"Ah...ah...AGH!" Hope howled, letting himself drop to his knees as his eyes began to water. He gripped his head again and Lightning could see the burns, her heart clenching painfully. _No...not Hope..._

_I can't lose him...not after everything..._

"See? A little pain is helpful. But that obviously wasn't enough...maybe more? I need him to break...I need a way to take my power..."

"Stop it..."

"Just a little more." This time, Hope's entire hand was surrounded by flame, dancing over Hope's stomach. Lightning felt something in her head click, then heard her gunblade falling to the floor. The rest was a blur of fast moving limbs and annoyed grunts and shouts, and she was hovering over Hope, pinning his hands above is head.

"Enough!" Lightning commanded. But all Hope did was laugh.

"Or what mortal? So long as he resists, I do not have access to my great power, only his own and barely a sliver of mine. It's taking everything he has in order to keep it up, so all I have to do is torture it out of him. Seems simple enough. A few bad thoughts here and there of his family, a little pain, and he'll be begging me to let him sleep. I see no reason not to..."

Lightning bored her eyes into Hope's not completely red ones. She could see Ultima, angry and powerful and full of dangerous hate. Such deceitful light...but she was truly a fallen, evil angel. But past those eyes and she could see a faint but familiar spark, that glint of determination she always saw in Hope. Since she had taken him under her wing, since she tried to help him through the world.

He was so young...and it was unfair what had been dealt him. But life wasn't fair...Lightning knew that. But she looked down at the boy, who had somehow broke those carefully constructed walls. Who she had tried to push away, yet had stuck with her anyway, regardless of how she treated him. He had been desperate and alone and he saw something in Light. And before she knew it...the little brat had gotten under her skin.

And there was no way she was gonna lose him now.

Lightning looked down at the burns that glared on Hope's skin, sighing slightly at their intensity. She saw he was sweating, his skin paler than usual, his breathing labored. It took a lot to be able hold a fal-cie...

"What will it take...to get you to let him go...?" Lightning felt her heart skipping beats as she watched Hope, truly Ultima, smile at her.

"What an interesting question..." Hope leaned toward her, smile growing, "Maybe let me take your body for a spin...I could take some of my power without incident...heal him up for you...I promise...he won't get hurt."

Lightning knew she shouldn't...knew Hope would be angry and distraught and things could all fall apart. She could picture her sister crying, Snow simply dumbfounded, and Sazh trying to make it make sense. She could see how she was endangering many people, she could see how irrational it really was. But then she's see Hope...smiling, crying, laughing...

She could see Hope actually living.

"Hope will be fine..."

"So long as everything stays intact with us...I see no reason why it wouldn't."

Lighting felt her arms relax, looking into Hope's eyes. She could take away his burden, was having a way handed to her. _I promise Hope..._

"All right..."

_...it'll be okay..._

Hope smiled, slipping his hands out of Lightning's lax grip, and placed his hands on her arms. "So kind of you Claire..." Lightning felt her eyes flutter shut as waves of pain wracked her body. She saw brief images of Nora Estheim...Bartholomew Estheim...of entire cities turning to duct. Of constant golden light... Then she was floating in the air, the pain evaporating into the nothingness she was surrounded by.

"Light...?" She opened her eyes and saw Hope, floating idly, his eyes pained. She noticed dark chains around his wrists, ankle, and neck, and felt her chest tighten. "Why are you here?"

She didn't answer. She didn't have much of a clue as to where she was...but instinct told her to reach for the chains. She did so, and it turned into dark, fine powder in her hands. Instantly she felt chains coil around her instead and she heard Hope gasp. "No Light...you can't..."

But she had grabbed his shoulders and was pushing him away, out of this place. She heard a faint whispering, but this was of Odin, not Ultima, and eventually fell silent. She began to feel drowsy and her eyes fought to stay open. Everything seemed serene, but Light knew that there was something deeper and more dangerous here. But Hope was getting away...Hope would be safe soon.

And that was all that mattered.

Hope was shouting at her, but his voice was becoming distant...everything was becoming distant. She held on to what she could before it all went blank and her eyes slipped closed.

…...

Hope awoke with a screaming headache and the sound of his screams echoing in the room. Trembling slightly, he pushed himself off the floor and looked around. His stomach no longer burned, the pain long gone, but he remembered what he had seen.

Lightning...

Shaking his head, Hope stood on shaky legs and nearly fell over. His stumbling was met with laughter from a voice that was painfully familiar. It sounded wrong coming from the voice he had known for what seemed like forever, and he turned to see Lightning looming over him, a self-satisfied smirk on her face. Her eyes were red and teeth bared, giving her the look of someone primal. Hope felt his heart pound heavily against his chest...but something within him felt resigned as well.

Light...

"You did that on purpose..." Hope said, his voice surprising him. It was monotone, dead, and more weight settled on his chest.

"Of course I did Hope...I may not be as powerful...but that doesn't mean I can't try..." Lightning swung her gunblade around, her smirk growing. Hope felt a shiver run down his spine, and wished eh didn't have to see lightning like this. It was so wrong...

She headed for Carbuncle, striking it at once and placing her foot upon its trembling form. Hope watched, his face impassive, heart thudding,and mind whirring. He knew what this was...what she mean to do.

"But you _are_ right..." she drawled, her smile growing ever wider, "It's just not as effective. Maybe I need to do something else..." She was on Hope in a flash, slamming him against the ground. He felt his skull connect painfully with the ground and had to blink back stars. He felt something warm gathering at the back of his head, but he paid it no mind, only staring at Lightning above him.

_I failed you again..._

Lightning raised the gunblade's tip to Hope's neck, although her arms began to shake slightly.

_And you had to save me..._

The smile was still there, but as Hope stared, he could see wetness gathering behind her eyes. He wanted to reach put to Lightning, tell her he knew what was happening. That it was just a plan by Ultima.

_You're always protecting me..._

Hope stared at her, eyes blank. But inside his emotions battled on. If he did what this fell angel wanted...then a lot more than one fal-cie could be destroyed. Hope didn't want that...

_I want to protect you...even if only once..._

But he knew Lightning would make the right decision in the end...

_I'm sorry Lightning...I'm sorry..._

He put his hands on Lightning's arms, watching as the smile turned into a thin line of understanding. One of business. Hope felt the pain hit him, reacquiring Ultima into his body. He felt his muscles numb out, and as he gave, he felt himself being erased.

_I'm going to die...because I know you'll do it Lightning. One person...against Cocoon..._

_The choice is so clear it hurts..._

_I'm sorry Lightning...I'm sorry...I'm sorry..._

Hope eventually let his eyes close, his mind fading fast as he struggled to keep up with himself. He felt a sudden sadness...felt someone who may have been Lightning pass him by. He felt her reach for him, try and push him back, but he was letting himself be dragged down.

_I'm sorry..._

And then there was nothing...


	17. The Last Time

**Another chapter! Reviews:**

**Naoto07: I'm glad you liked the chapters! Don't worry, you'll see this chapter what you've been waiting for. I hope you like it!**

**Broken Hope- I know, evil is Ultima! But I hope you like this chapter! **

**Puppy-Love- Indeed. Ultima was very manipulative with them huh? I was really sad writing it...**

**Hope's Light- I'm sorry! *hands tissues***

**HopexLightning- Thanks! I like writing it too! It was bad ass Lightning time! The ending was pretty sad though wasn't it? Sometimes I don't think about it till later and I receive the reviews. Then I think back and go...wow. It is sad. **

**I didn't think I'd be updating this soon honestly. And forgive the weird hour, I hope you still like it. But once I got started on this chapter, I just couldn't stop. It was intensely amazing for me to write honestly, it all just sort of flowed. But I'm not gonna lie to you guys, I cried a little near the end as I re-read for mistakes. One because this story will be done soon. The other...well...you'll see,**

**I would really love to hear what you think of this chapter. This one...kind of means a lot to me. I don't know why. But don't feel pressured if you want to read silently. It's just to let you know. *sniffles* I'm sad...this chapter made me sad! Sorry, sorry! I should let you all read it now. I hope you all like it and thank you immensely for your support!**

* * *

"Serah, are you sure it was a good idea to leave those two on their own?" Snow asked. The two were barreled down the pathways, glancing at the men and machines that had been seemingly ripped apart. Vaguely, Serah wondered if it had been her sister's doing but pushed it from her mind. She turned to Snow, the documents that Tabbs had given to them clutched firmly in her hands.

"Don't worry Snow...I think they'll stay."

"But-"

"Even with all the healing I did...I don't think Colin will be able to move for a while. And he did say that he'll stay. He even forced Tabbs to agree."

"Serah, this is Colin we're talking about..."

"I know." Serah said, slowing down as they came upon the split path, "But I think...I think he will stay." Snow watched Serah's gentle but determined expression and smiled. He pulled her into a hug, breathing in her scent, smiling against her hair. It was a brief moment of peace...one he needed...and was grateful to have.

"All right..." he mumbled into her hair, "If you're sure."

She smiled, reluctantly pulling away, and looked at the path before them. "Which way do you think they went?" Serah asked, fingering the corner of the papers in thought. _Would they have stayed together, or would Lightning make them split up? The latter seems far more likely, but what would we do then?_ Pounding footsteps though, interrupted her train of thought. They both looked over to see a very harried Sazh rushing toward them, panic in his face.

"You two...!" he called as he approached, "What are you doing here?"

"Sazh!" _So they did split up... _"One of Colin's subordinates...brought these." Serah held up the papers they had been given, but inside she was starting to panic. If Sazh was back, that meant that her sister had met up with Hope. If that was true...

"What are they?"

"Colin says they're supposed to be some way to stop Ultima..." Snow said. Serah handed the papers to Sazh, who immediately began to skim them.

"Break the seal..." he muttered, "How are we supposed to know where the seal is?"

"I don't know! That's what I don't get...it makes it sound like...like..."

"Like Ultima has to break free first..." Sazh said, rereading the document, "Then the seal will appear between the host and the fal-cie. So long as they stay connected, Ultima will have full reign over her power. To break the seal...the connection must be disrupted by a powerful form of magic... But how powerful are we talking?"

"And what'll it do to Hope..." Serah muttered, biting her lip. Snow placed a hand on her shoulder and began to steer her toward the other path.

"We'll figure it out Serah, don't worry. But sis probably needs our help right now, whether she'd admit it or not." Serah nodded and so they all began to run down the only path left. They heard shouting as they approached, but it was difficult to discern what was being siad. The group sped up, even as Serah's legs burned from the amount of running they had endured. Her chest was fit to burst, but thoughts of her sister and Hope drove her on.

"There!" Sazh called, a door coming into view. Serah's heart thudded painfully in her chest, a dark feeling growing within. The door slid open, a small and fading orange light being the first thing they saw as they entered the room. But that wasn't made Serah gasp, or the small tear from traveling down her cheek.

There was Lightning...eyes blazing red. She loomed over Hope, her gunblade pointed at him, but the thin arms of the boy wrapped around her arms. The gunblade dropped to the floor with a massive thud as Lightning let out a low moan of pain. Hope remained silent, his expression unknown to them. There was a bright, golden flash of light, then a burst of magic that sent Lightning flying. Then everything was still again...

"L-Lightning!" Serah cried, running over to where her sister had landed. The others followed her, and Serah turned her over, letting her head rest on her lap. "Are you okay?" Serah asked, noticing her sister stir. She chanced a glance at Hope but the boy laid unmoving on the ground. Serah's heart clenched in fear, but her sister's mumbling draew her attention back.

"Hope..." Lightning's eyes fluttered open and she tried to sit up, hissing slightly and grasping at her side. "Where is he..." Her eyes widened and she looked over at Hope's still form. Serah tried to push her back down but Lightning fought her, eyes wide with fear. "Why..." she mumbled to herself, hands shaking, "Why did he do that..."

"Lightning...what do you..."

"Ultima..." The word came out in a hoarse whisper...and the others glanced at her in obvious fear. Lightning looked down at her hands and felt a panic and aching sadness clench her chest. She had failed again...and was deceived by that monster. Hope...Hope had to...he had actually...sacrificed himself.

For her...

Some parent she was turning out to be.

"Sis, just a sec. We'll get it figured out." Snow knelt next to her now and she could feel Serah trying to heal her, but she only stared at Hope's form. It just couldn't be true...no way was it true. She wouldn't let it be true...

"Hope..."

Finally, Hope made a move. It was slow, and he carefully pushed himself off of the floor. He staggered slightly on his legs and before long, a golden light began to swirl around his feet. She ignored her sister's protests and pushed herself to stand, taking a few hesitant steps forward. The others watched as well, unsure of what to do, and wondering if they could really do anything.

Hope turned to look at them and for one brief moment, Lightning thought that she was wrong. That everything would be okay. His eyes were still green, he had no strange smiles marring his face. He was just Hope. But the frown on his face...told her otherwise.

"Lightning..." his voice was weak and filled with sorrow and dread. It was a sound she never wanted to hear again. His eyes searched them, the light around him swirling and surging. It clawed at his body, leaving hot red marks on his pale skin, "I'm so sorry..." No sooner had the words left his lips did the light explode. Lightning and the others had to shield their eyes from the sudden burst, but Lightning fought to keep her eyes locked with Hope's between her arms.

The boy's eyes closed and he slowly wrapped his arms around himself, as if trying to keep the inevitable inside. He let out a violent scream and fell to his knees, doubled over in pain. Lightning began to walk toward him but Sazh grabbed her arm before she could get farther. She glared over at him but he just shook his head at her, face grim. Another howl brought Lightning's attention back to Hope as another burst of light ripped through his body.

"Hope!" Lightning shouted. But the boy's eyes remained closed, his arms going limp at his sides. Soon he was completely bathed in golden light, his features indistinguishable, and something began to bubble out of his back. There was a terrible ripping sound as wings began to erupt from Hope's back, one after another, until six spread out behind him. It did not stop there though. Hope soon dropped on all fours, mouth open in a silent scream, as the wings spread away from him.

Eventually a head popped out from his back as well, bathed in the same gold color as the wings and emerging back, and the headpiece was undeniable. Two horns sat on top of it, while two wings were spread at the sides of the headpiece. Two arms spurted out and blood began to drip onto the floor as Hope continued to silently scream, small droplets of blood coming from his mouth. The arms searched for the ground, grasping at it, and Ultima's torso left Hope's body. Hope gave several violent jerks and several more screams before the rest of her left his body as well.

Ultima's golden light eventually faded as she scrambled on the ground. She lifted herself up, golden wings fluttering slightly, and her skin returned to its normal blue hue. Her dress flowed toward the ground as she stood...or rather floated above the ground, the white clashing strongly with the dark floor. The golden embroidery of her dress sparkled and she briefly adjusted it, as if it had some great importance. She shook her head, the bits of hair that flowed from her headpiece swishing slightly, and she opened her dark red eyes.

"Finally..." she mumbled, "I am free..." She towered over them, the fact that she was a powerful fal-cie made all the more apparent by her size. She smirked, noticing the connection to Hope that she still bore. It was a small thread of light, connected to his chest and leading to her own. "Right at our hearts..." she muttered, "How ironic." She grabbed the thread and squeezed, unable to feel the pain herself but relishing the way Hope's limp figure moved against it.

Lightning, in a rage, aimed her gunblade and prepared to shoot, but Ultima held up a hand, her face expressionless. "You'd best watch it...who knows what will happen to him after all. I don't want him dead...just for him to know his place..." Lightning hesitated, wondering what would happen to Hope if she fired, and Ultima took it as a chance to pick up the still boy.

"To think someone so small...could cause me so much trouble..." Ultima cradled Hope in her arms, almost like a mother would her child, but a small light glowed from her. She let go of Hope once the light dimmed away and Lightning felt rage roar in her chest and guts when she saw that Ultima had molded Hope into her. He looked as if he were asleep, nestled near her chest, his arms resting on his stomach. But the pained look on his face told her anything but...

"I still need him...even after all this..." Ultima turned to them and lazily flicked her wrist, sending a wave of powerful light at them. Snow ran to shield Serah from the blast, but they were all blown back by the force. Snow hissed in pain as he felt several burns on his back and the throbbing he felt in his side as he connected to the floor. But the pain was quickly forgotten when he looked at Serah.

"Are you all right?" he asked worriedly, helping her to sit up. She gave him a weary nod as the others all stood as well. Lightning reached for her gunblade but was at a loss of what to do. Ultima paid them no more mind as she approached Carbuncle, a smile playing on her face. The weakened fal-cie seemed to shiver as she approached, but Ultima's smile only seemed to grow, becoming more like a smirk.

"_Ultima...do not do this...we must not all pay for crimes that are nothing but pages in the past..." _

"Silence you traitor. I have no ears for the ones who aided in my sealing..."

"_Ultima..."_

"I'll tear you...and all my so called brethren...asunder..." Ultima brought out her hand and raised it toward the ceiling. Light began to gather within it and Lightning took the chance to take aim. If she only shot the arm...then no harm had to come to Hope...

She'd figure this out.

So she fired.

Ultima let out a small sound, but not of one of pain. As her arm was blown off and flew across the room, she had only a smug smile on her face. She tilted her head towards them and waved her stub of an arm at them. It did not bleed...and soon, with a small gathering of light, a new arm grew in its place. "Pathetic..." she spat. Then she reaching down towards Hope, stroking his face gently before turning back to Carbuncle.

"Be a good boy Hope..." she whispered, "And let me use my power..." A small ball of light grew above Ultima afterward, growing in size and power. It hovered over the two fal-cie, Hope's expression became pained again, and in a flash of light and a terrible scream, the room trembled. As it cleared, Carbuncle seemed to have been extinguished, the orange light completely faded.

Ultima flew over the spot Carbuncle laid, panting heavily, and a twisted smile on her face. Hope was panting as well, his face deathly pale as he recovered from the shock. Ultima, in her jubilation, began to fire blasts everywhere she could reach, each one surging through Hope before they reached her hands.

Lightning prepared her gunblade again, but a hand on her arm stopped her. She whipped around at Sazh, ready to snap at him for interfering again, but the look on his face stopped her in her tracks. "Sazh..."

"One of Colin's lackeys...gave us these." Sazh brandished the papers that contained the information in Ultima, "This is supposed to be able to help us. We can still stop her Light..."

When Sazh's face did not cheer up at this, the words felt like painful stabs to the gut. She slowly took the papers, aware that Snow was charging in despite Serah's protests. A thud a moment later told her that Snow had been knocked back as well. She skimmed the documents...every word making her body turn colder and colder.

"This...this can't be the only thing we can do...can it?" Sazh didn't say anything. Lightning hadn't expected him to. She crushed the papers in her hands and turned over to where Ultima now flew, looming over Snow and Serah. She felt her heart clench but did her best to crush it as she aimed her gunblade and shot, cutting Ultima off her pursuit. "Stay away from them..."

Ultima turned to her, face deadly serious, but gave a small shrug. "It does not matter. My business in this small place is over...but the journey continues on. I will...liberate Cocoon...from the fal-cie who threaten it." Lightning continued forward, her head bowed, gunblade raised.

"I meant _all_ of them..." Lightning growled, shooting again.

Ultima smiled, touching Hope's chest. "You mean my little powerhouse...I thought it was clear. He is yours no longer..." She held out her hand and a surge of light erupted again. Hope let out a strained whimper, his voice dangerously weak, and a sword formed in Ultima's hand. "Die...like the rest of your kind..."

Ultima was on her in an instant, the blade cracking down on Lightning's own as she blocked off Ultima's strike. Her arms trembled under the force and she was forced to duck out before her sword snapped under the power. Sazh began to fire at Ultima as Lightning began to bob and weave away from the fal-cie's strikes. Lightning inched closer and closer, but Ultima swung her blade at her. Lightning braced for the impact and pain, but when none came, she saw that Snow had come in to block off the onslaught.

Lightning nodded her thanks and moved in again, aware of the burning sensation as she came closer. But as soon as it came, it was cooled by what could only have been Serah's healing spells. She raised her blade and lunged, digging the sword into Ultima's shoulder. Ultima gave a grunt of pain and worked to remove it, but Lightning stole a glance at Hope. He was pale...paler than Lightning had ever seen him, and sweat slicked his face. She looked toward his chest and felt her arms start to shake.

That thread...that was what the report spoke of. What had to be cut between Ultima and Hope in order for her to be stopped...

It was right at his heart...and she had no idea what it would do to him. But Lightning was almost certain that it wouldn't be good.

Ultima finally forced Lightning's blade out of her shoulder and shoved the soldier away, snarling in anger. Lightning managed to land gracefully on her feet, but stumbled slightly when she had to dodge another swipe from Ultima. Lightning's mind tried to think of anything she could do to prevent what seemed unstoppable. Ultima's anger only seemed to be growing and the whole area began to tremble the longer they battled. Small bits of machinery were falling off the larger contraptions and several platforms were in danger of falling away. The whole place would collapse if they continued on like this...

But their problems didn't stop there...if they failed to stop Ultima now...then all of Cocoon would be in danger. And Lightning hated to think of it...but Cocoon most definitely outweighed Hope's own welfare...

She hated herself for even thinking it though...

"_I want to protect you..."_

_And I want to protect you...why Hope...why did you do this..._

_Hmph...to protect me of course...just like Ultima wanted...and now...now I can't..._

"No..." Lightning muttered. Images flitted through her mind. They were of Hope trying to get stronger...even as Lightning did her best to abandon him. Lightning trying to get Hope away from his hatred. Hope saying goodbye to his father for the last time. Hope's brand weakening him as they traveled on Gran Pulse. Hope bringing down Alexander. All of them taking down Orphan...watching the new Cocoon be born...

Then when Hope fell into his despair...his father's death. The strange dreams...the sickness and uncertainty...it all plagued them. All led up to _this? _

No...she wanted different for Hope. She wanted him to have freedom...she wanted him to have happiness. Dammit...she wanted to see him go to school. Wanted to see him learn to fight under her tutelage. Wanted him at her sister's wedding. Even if it was all a selfish act on her part. Even if it was natural. It didn't matter what it was...she wanted it to happen so desperately.

She wanted Hope alive, well, and happy...

Not dead... not now when she could do something about it.

"I will not let this happen...he will not die..." Lightning growled, raising her blade again. Ultima merely scoffed at her, aiming her own blade. She charged, aware of the fluctuations of light coming from Ultima as she came at her. She dodged what she could, many hits still grazing her shoulder as she went. They left burns but the pain was distant...everything was distant. Her sister's shouting, Sazh's guns firing, Snow as he was heaved. The platform as it was ripped apart by Ultima's power. None of it seemed to matter.

Lightning shot up into the air and brought her blade down on Ultima. The fal-cie easily blocked, smirking at her, mocking her. She then raised her free hand, golden light igniting her hand, and touched Lightning's arm. Lightning hissed, some ff the pain finally catching up with her as her arm was scorched, but she did not have time for it. She adjusted her gunblade's angle and gave it a good shove. Ultima was forced to stumble back and in the confusion, Lightning jumped down to Hope, hand reaching out for the thread. Ultima let out a roar of rage and tried to beat Lightning away, but Lightning refused to be thrown off.

Mustering whatever magic she could, thinking of Hope and her own desperation to return him to her, she grabbed the thread. It was much stronger than it looked, Lightning able to hold on without the thing thing snapping as Ultima tried to shake her off. Lightning closed her eyes, pouring herself into it, and she could see images flash in her mind. Some of them were Hope's jumbled memories and thoughts, others that must have been Ultima's. They were ancient...and filled with contempt and rage. She pushed past them though, looking for the only one she wanted to find in all this.

She could sense Hope...somewhere deep inside of Ultima...and she could feel her arms reaching out for him. But even as she did...she felt the need to do something else fill her. The same words...sounding suspiciously like Hope's voice...echoed in her head.

"_The thread...cut the thread..."_

_No! If I do...if I do you'll..._

"_There will be time...there will be time...but she cannot be allowed this freedom..." _The voice echoed in her head. It changed between Hope's...to someone else's. One she could not quite recognize...

"_She will tear everything asunder...this must be done..."_

_But Hope..._

"_Go to him...there will be time...but he too...must want to go..."_

_Hope..._

Lightning felt wetness in her eyes again and cursed herself for her fear and weakness. She opened one eye, glancing at the thread and the growing light around them. She looked down at Hope...who looked so close to death.

_If I do nothing...he dies anyway..._

She placed a comforting kiss on the top of Hope's forehead and fingered the thread. She willed herself to Hope...wherever he was... The thread in her fingers tightened...and she gave sharp tug...and it snapped like a twig.

There was white hot pain..one that made Lightning reach toward Hope. To try and shield him from the waves of light and raw power that rolled off of Ultima and unto them. She felt it ebbing away at her very being and wondered if Hope could feel this...wondered if Hope already had. Then it was if she was being pulled away from all the pain...all the uncertainty. There was a brief flash of light...different from all the others.

Then it all disappeared...

* * *

Hope stood in a long, endless, and empty place. It was white, pure white, and it burned his eyes to look at. As if in response, it melted, forming a darker, more off white color to accommodate his burning retinas. The ground underneath him, or at least what seems like ground, trembled, eventually forming a more marble texture. A warm breeze drifted by, the silence he endured is no longer a cold one, and instead of pain...he felt a sort of peace.

But he was still confused...there was no clue as to where he was or how he had gotten there. The 'sky' around him was boundless and offered no answer to his questions. Before this, all he could remember was pain and fear. He had been a asleep but in a very bad dream, filled with screams and agony. There had been unsettling images of the dead, weaving in and out in a constant stream...and then a pain so unimaginable. He had been bound, stripped of all power, left to crawl out of a dark hole alone.

How was he here?

Footsteps echoed around him and he whipped around, searching for the source. His stomach clenched as he watched his mother and father walking toward him, arms around one another and faces filled with content. They are well and whole...no longer bearing the frightening images he had been forced to witness that had spelled their deaths. They looked so deceptively alive that Hope felt his heart warm and swell at the sight of it, wishing it was true.

But Hope was far too rational to really carry such thoughts anymore. But if they were there...that meant only one real thing. The question yearned to drip off his tongue, although he was afraid of the answer he would get. But somehow...being here made it seem like a far less frightening prospect.

"Am I dead...?" His voice surprised him. It was not weak as it had been before and no longer carried that weight he had been burdened with the past few weeks. His mother smiled at him and gently pulled away from his father, kneeling down next to Hope once she was with him.

"Not yet..." she whispered, pulling him into a hug, "Thank goodness not yet..."

Hope felt his heart clench again and he choked on his words, raising trembling hands to hug his mother back. Another set of arms joined them and held them even closer, Bartholomew happy to see his son again. Hope didn't know how long they stayed like that in one another's arms. It seemed to stretch on into eternity, their emotions all spilling out at once as they held onto to one another. But as soon as they parted, Hope felt an overwhelming need to join them again. The emptiness it left him was almost crippling and Hope could have sworn the eternity was more like as second.

"Hope!" Hope turned at the other voice, recognizing it instantly. And sure enough, there was Vanille, racing toward him with the same exuberance she always seemed to have. But this time there was Fang as well, a smirk on her face as she ran to catch up with Vanille. They stopped when they reached them, each shining with excitement, and Vanille pulled Hope into a hug. "I'm so glad to see you again!" she cried, cutting off his air, "I was worried that mean fal-cie had really gotten you."

Fang laughed as she noticed Hope struggling for air and pulled Vanille away from him. "Yeah." she said, "Glad to see you aren't dead yet. It was really touch and go for a while huh?"

"Fang!"

"Well it's the truth!"

Hope couldn't help the smile on his face as he watched them. He had missed this...he had missed this so much. But as much as he had longed to hear these voices again, there was a nagging doubt in the back of his mind. There was still something missing, something that made being here without it very...incomplete.

"Why are you here...? I mean...you aren't dead...right?"

"Far from it kid." Fang said, placing a hand on her hip. It was so Fang-like, Hope wondered how he could have gotten used to life without it, "Think of this place as more of a go between for uncertains..."

"What?"

"She means you're really almost dead Hope..." Vanille said in a quiet voice, looking sad. Hope's heart thudded painfully in his chest at the news...but he tried to continue with his reasoning. He looked back at his parents...both of whom shared Vanille's sad expression.

"And you're here...because?"

"To help you son...in case you do go..." Bartholomew said. He reached over and placed a comforting hand on Hope's shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze.

"But...I don't...know..."

_Do I want to..._

Before he could answer his own question, there was a sharp tug on Hope's heart that made him double over in pain. The others gasped except for Fang, who only watched with dark concern. Hope's legs gave out from under him and his knees landed hard on the ground. He wheezed in an attempt to catch his breath, feeling as if something were trying to rip its way out of his chest.

"Wh-What..." he gasped, trying to regain his senses. Then the world began to shake and he was thrown of balance. He looked around, trying to regain his bearings. His mother placed a concerned hand on his shoulder and helped him up, even as he looked for the source of this new pain. But there was nothing...

"_Hope!"_

"L-Lightning..." he whispered, looking around again. This time he saw it, a small thread that led straight to his chest. Briefly he wondered why he had not noticed it before but he pushed it away. That did not matter. The pain stopped regardless of what happened...but he didn't know why.

"Hope!" he looked again, turning as he did, and this time she was in view. Lightning was running at him, eyes wide and fearful...an expression he was not used to seeing on Lightning. She joined them soon enough and stared at them all with a confused expression. The fear evaporated the moment she saw Vanille and Fang...and it was now replaced with curiosity. Where were they that these two would be here?

"What's the matter soldier? You don't look to happy to see us." Fang joked as she gave Lightning a light punch on the shoulder. Lightning rolled her eyes, seemingly unruffled, but stopped in her tracks when she noticed who else was there.

"B-Bartholomew..." she stuttered, eyes then traveling to Nora, "And Nora Estheim." The confusion lasted only a split second for Lightning spotted Hope immediately afterward. "Hope!" Relief flooded her features and Hope couldn't quell how surprised he was. She walked over to him, bending slightly to be at his level, and pulled him into a hug.

"Light..."

Lightning snapped out of it at Hope's voice and she quickly pulled away, a look of inadequacy crossing her features as she glanced at Nora. Lightning stood away from Hope, replacing her expression with a blank one and nods her head, prepared to apologize. She was not ready when the woman walks over and hugs her.

"Thank you Miss Farron...Thank you...and Snow...and all your friends for saving my boy..." The use of her surname caught Lightning off guard, but what was meant behind the words nearly knocked the wind out of her. Why was she being thanked? All she had done was put the boy in danger, force him to do things no other boys his age had been forced to do. She had failed to protect him and he was practically dying! Now was not the time to be thanking her!

"But I haven't..." Lightning tried, prepared to dispel the false notions she seemed to have gathered about her. But Nora cut across her.

"You have...whether you realize it or not... All of you...have worked so hard to protect my boy...you've saved him from a fate worse than death...and even take care of him where my husband and I cannot..." Nora looked up at her, gratitude so evident and undying that it unnerved Lightning. She did not feel worthy of such a look. "Even now...you're fighting to save him..." Eventually Nora let go of her and Bartholomew stepped up to her.

Lightning feared that his words would be similar to Nora's. But he simply clapped her shoulder, his smile wide, "Thank you...for all that you've done. I can never...properly express my gratitude..."

Lightning felt her cheeks burning and looked away, only to be met with a smiling Vanille.

"Aw, Light! That so sweet!"

"What?"

"I didn't think you'd go soft so soon soldier!" Fang chipped in.

"I have not gone soft."

"Seems like it to me." The two woman continued to bicker, but Hope stared at the space Lightning had come from. He looked back at his parents and slowly walked up to them, stopping right before them. The other three quieted down...watching them. Fear began to inch its way into Lightning's heart...what if Hope wanted...really wanted to...

"Mom...dad...I really thought...I'd never see you again...not for years..." Hope started, smiling slightly, "And being able to...in this weird place...it's great! I'm really-really happy..." he choked on his words but plowed on, refusing to relent. He glanced at Lightning and a content smile played on his face. It was the first serene...truly content smile she had seen in Hope in what felt like ages. His eyes traveled to Vanille and Fang.

"And you two...are still as lively as ever...and I've missed you both so much. And leaving you again...it hurts to think about..." Lightning's stomach fell at his words...he wanted...

A hand around her arm stopped her thoughts. "But as much...as I want to stay with you...and stay in this place. Or go beyond or whatever you want to call it...I can't. I don't want to go anywhere yet...even if it's nice and warm...even-even if you're there...because...because everyone is waiting-waiting on the other side. And I-I just want...want..." Hope bowed his head before he buried it in Lightning's arm. She felt his hot and wet tears slick her arm, gently but continuously trickling down, but he kept going despite his choking, "I mean-I-I want to stay with you...I do! But I-I want to-to stay with them to! I want to-"

Nora smiled and led her husband to her boy, a gentle hand rubbing away his tears. He peeked at her from behind Lightning's arm, almost afraid he was about to be reprimanded. His father had a caring look on his face and his mother gave him the most caring...most gentle smile...and his heart began to tremble because of it.

Because this would be the last time...the real last time... and his tears began to pour. "Mom...Dad...Vanille...Fang...I-"

"Shhh..." Nora soothed, running her fingers comfortingly through his hair. "It's all right Hope...we know...we know..."

"I'm going to-to miss you-" He shook his head, trying to calm down, "I'm sorry..."

"There's nothing to be sorry for..." Nora said, running her hand on his cheeks, brushing away his tears, "Hope...my boy...you're going to go...go out there and live...there is _nothing_ more we can ask from you. Hope...it's okay...we'll be right here...we'll always be right here..."

"Always..." he repeated, nodding his head. The tears wouldn't stop...but a hand on his head made him look up. Lightning looked sad as well...but a smile made its way on her face.

"Ready to go home Hope?" She asked him, ruffling his hair. Hope tried to choke down the last bit of tears and nodded. Hesitantly, Lightning wrapped her arms around Hope's still shaking frame as she looked toward Nora again.

"Thank you..." Nora said, her husband wrapping his arms around her again, "For everything,"

"And...thank you...I'm glad...to be taking care of him." Lightning pressed Hope closer to her, unwilling to let him go again as the words left her. This boy she had almost lost...this boy who had changed her so much.

She would do everything she could for him.

Nora and Bartholomew nodded, his father getting in one last ruffle of Hope's hair, before Fang spoke up again. "Not gonna lie you two...you're definitely in for a rough patch for a while when you get back there. Hope's gonna be real unstable...he might still well...you know."

"I won't let it happen."

Fang smirked, but it was in good nature, "Don't I know it soldier. Just don't be afraid of them Eidolons. They're there for a reason." Catching the meaning behind the statement, Lightning nodded. The two of them felt a shift in the world around them, as if they were being pulled back up toward the surface, begging for a gasp of air.

"Goodbye..." Hope muttered, feeling himself being lifted.

"Fools...it's see ya later we we're gonna see each other again..." Fang called as they began to disappear.

"Yeah!"

"So see you later...and take care..." Hope and Lightning both smiled at their loved ones farewells before letting the force engulf them, bringing them back to the world of the living.

It was all cascading around them...the future they were heading for. Where there were no hateful phantoms of fal-cie ready to take over...but rather one that was dying. Where the past would not reach out and drag them back. Where there was peace in knowing it was not really goodbye. Where everything had started and would eventually end. Where everyone was there...waiting for them...

And where a real beginning...free from darkness and tainted light...could finally begin.


	18. The End and the Beginning

**R-Reviews-**

**Wolfie- Thank you...and it is coming to an end. I'm so sad! But I-I have to do this...I must! So thank you...and enjoy the chapter. **

**Puppy-Love- Don't worry...Ultima's fate is revealed! And Hope got to say goodbye for one last time...it made me sad to type though. I'm glad you liked the battle, fight scenes are fun to write! Thank you very much!**

**Broken Hope- Well here's the ending! I'll leave it up to you how it works! But I think you'll like it! Thank you!**

**Naoto07- *giggle* the punishment will be a bit surprising I think. Or maybe not, it depends. But thank you, I hope you like this chapter! **

**Hope's Light- I'm ready for a happy one too. I hope you like the chapter and thank you!**

**HopexLightning- Thank you for those words. It makes me happy...and sad. Because this is the end! But I know you'll like the end. Or at least, I think you will! **

**HopexLight4Ever- Not really a romance, but I appreciate the input! I hope you still like the end! **

**So here it is guys. The very last chapter of Bad Beginnings. It's been a great ride with you all, and I want to thank everyone for reading and reviewing and being so supportive! It makes me really happy! I'm sad that this has to end...but I know it has to. I hope you enjoy the end. Please tell me what you think of it...and thank you for staying with me during the story. Without further adieu...the last chapter!**

* * *

Lightning was barely aware of their transition from the strange inbetween world to the one she...and Hope, lived in. But she was aware of the small boy in her arms, cold and shaking and obviously in pain...but alive. Thanks goodness he was alive. She pulled him closer to her and felt that they were flying in the air, but then gravity kicked in and they landed painfully on the floor. Lightning quickly scrambled up, ignoring the throbbing on her side, and checked on Hope. He was breathing, but it was shallow and shaky, making her worry. She pushed herself off of him and looked back over at Ultima who clutched her side.

"Y-You..." she stammered out, staring at Lightning and Hope with such hatred that most would have shriveled under the gaze, "You worthless mortal!" Ultima screeched, snarling and charging at them. But the moment she tried to move, two of her wings lost their golden color and fell limply at her sides. Another broke away, ripped and tattered. Shocked, Ultima moved a hand to try and fix them, but the spot where Hope had been removed began to spill out light of its own. Panicked, Ultima tried to quell the sudden loss of power.

"What's happening...what the hell did you do!" Ultima shrieked. Lightning gave her no answer and silently hoped that none of the others were about to come charging in. It wasn't safe yet...not so long as Ultima was alive and trying to use her powers.

Movement underneath her startled Lightning and she looked down at Hope's weak from. He was reaching his hand out to her, taking in sharp breaths, and he touched her arm. Then he glanced at Ultima...then his vision left her entirely...over to...

Carbuncle?

Lightning was surprised at first, she had considered the fal-cie finished, but the nearly dead fal-cie was moving toward Ultima. A soft thud made Lightning look down again, and she had to hold in a gasp when she saw that Hope had passed out. _Hang on...we'll get out of this soon. _She thought, trying not to think about the warm liquid seeping into her clothes. Ultima was upon them again, and Lightning had no gunblade to defend herself or Hope.

_What do I...Odin! _

She called out to the electrical Eidolon in a flash, willing him to come to her while she could not actually reach for him. She closed her eyes and held on tightly to Hope, aware of the rush of air that was coming at her as Ultima swung her weakened blade. But the familiar surge of power...the tingling in her arms that soon spread throughout her whole body, and the loud thud from above her, told her Odin had come.

_Thank you..._

Lightning opened her eyes just as a brief flash of light ended, and Hope groaned from beneath her. His arm was held out but had gone limp...but the tremors int the ground and the heavy presence behind her told her that Alexander had come too. Ultima was chased off by Odin's blade and kept at bay by a quick shot from the large Eidolon behind them. Missiles began to fire around them, sending small explosions at Ultima as well. But the whole establishment around them was trembling under the ferocious weight and power. Small chunks of the building were beginning to break apart and fall, and the floor beneath them was creaking far too much.

Lightning sucked in her breath and began to lift Hope, allowing her mind to harden at the sight of his blood on her clothes. However, she felt her resolve stumble slightly when she saw the blood continuing to drip down Hope's back...no doubt because of Ultima's release. She cradled him in her arms and easily spotted Sazh, Serah, and a slightly limping Snow. But what caught her by surprise was the airship that had flown in...from a hole in the ceiling.

_Is that...Guardian Corp? Lieutenant? _

A small gasp brought her attention back to the bleeding boy in her arms and she had to hold back a cry when she saw his eyes flutter shut. It was too soon. He needed help now...he couldn't die on her. Not when they had just come back together...not when he had already resolved to live! They could do it now...they could start over! Not now...Not now!

Ultima was still shrieking in the background but for an entirely different reason. Carbuncle was still moving and began to inch closer to Ultima, wrapping her around itself and pulling her toward her body. The Eidolons had stopped holding Ultima back as Carbuncle began to drag the screaming Ultima away, some of the light it once had coming back to its weakened form. Lightning watched out of the corner of her eyes as she retrieved her gunblade, balancing Hope as she did, and was shocked when Ultima began to go limp.

_What? What's going on?_

The light the Ultima released was beginning to fade as Carbuncle continued to hold on, but the orange light of Carbuncle was steadily being restored. It seemed to grow in strength and only increased its grip on the rogue fal-cie, and Ultima began to give only the slightest of moans. Carbuncle...was killing Ultima. Stealing her power.

It wasn't their fight anymore.

A hand on her shoulder and a sudden yank onto the airship pulled Lightning and Hope from the disturbing scene, only to be met by a harried Sazh and Serah. Snapped back into action, Lightning allowed herself to be led to a small medbay, only glancing at one of the occupied tables. Colin was resting on top of it, strapped down unnecessarily, and sleeping. Tabbs was cuffed and sitting beside the table, watching the newcomers with mild interest.

"Took her out after all huh?" Tabbs asked Serah as they laid Hope on the table, "Hm...so there's one way to kill a fal-cie." Lightning resisted the urge to punch the man and his sneer and turned her attention back to Hope. Serah had ignored the man as well and was doing everything she could to heal the wounds on Hope. Her hands trembled as she worked through the blood, but did what they had to. But the wounds were so numerous...they spread across his whole body. He might bleed to death before they even reached a hospital.

Lightning felt the tingle in her chest that told her of Odin's return and watched Hope's own arm light up that told of Alexander's. But rather than settle and rest as they usually did, Lightning felt Odin forcing her arm to move. Panicked slightly but keeping her face calm, she watched as her arm moved to Hope's chest , Hope's own hand joining hers.

"Sis...what?" But Lightning didn't hear what came next as a surge of power traveled from her chest down to her arm, burning it slightly and making her head spin. A groan from Hope told her that something similar had happened to him, but the mind-numbing sensation made it difficult to grasp.

_The Eidolons...is that what Fang meant? _

But as quickly as the sensation started it melted away and Lightning felt her vision begin to clear up again. Her sister was leaning next to her and Snow had joined as well, clutching his side and watching her carefully. Slightly annoyed, Lightning tilted her head at Hope and ground out, "How is he?" Serah snapped out of her stupor and hurried to check Hope's condition, a trained medic joining her from the cockpit. Lightning watched in a slight daze as they began to hook Hope up to various medical equipment, including an IV and a heart monitor. An oxygen mask was placed onto his face and the medic and Serah began to check where he had been bleeding before. But when they looked at Lightning and the others, there was a hint of a smile on Serah's face.

"He's stable...he's stable..." the relief in her sister's voice was enough for her. Suddenly all the adrenaline left Lightning and she slumped, Snow catching her by the arm. Their voices were muffled around her, but the sound of a chair screeching across the room made her more aware. Shaking her head to rid herself of the annoying noise, she took the seat that was offered to her and brought it noiselessly closer to Hope. The medic looked as if he was about to say something, but several rather intimidating glares from the others quickly made him back down.

"So...Ultima...is dead..." Lightning looked up at the familiar voice and glared at Colin. He wasn't watching her however, instead looking at the rise and fall of Hope's chest. Colin's wounds had been cleaned up considerably now, but he still looked weak and pale, and sweat still dribbled down his head. He brought a shaking hand to his forehead and tried to rub some stress away, letting out a loud sigh. "I suppose...it is...for the best..."

Silence invaded the room after his words. The others looked back and forth between Colin and Lightning, none of them knowing what to say or if they should even say anything. It seemed like a fight meant only for Lightning, and indeed, if any of them had tried to get involved, they would have met a very scary look. Maybe even a fist if it was Snow. Maybe...

Lightning continued to glare at Colin and the gray haired man eventually met her eyes. He did not quell under her hateful look, instead letting out a much softer sigh. "You make one scary mom..." he mumbled, but it echoed in the room. It did not feel wrong to Lightning...at least not when she thought of Hope. But that did not give that...that man the right to try and comment about it. Not after everything he did to them. No...Lightning was going to make sure he understood _exactly_ what he did and why it was wrong. Whether he was injured or not.

"I'll show you scary." And she strode over to his table, fist at the ready, but a small but firm grip on her other wrist startled her to a halt. She looked down at the pale hand that had trapped her wrist and saw Hope smiling at her, eyes clouded in exhaustion and pain, but smiling nonetheless.

"Don't Light..." he rasped out. Lightning's eyes widened but she did not pull away from him, instead turning her harsh look back on Colin. However, the man was once more staring at Hope. It irked her, and made her want to punch him again.

"Why Hope...after everything he's done. To us. To _you._" Lightning swore to herself at the emotion in her voice, but the grip on her wrist tightened in understanding and she felt herself relax.

"She's...right Hope...I may not have had...control over what happened to your father. But I...I did everything I could to trigger...Ultima. To drive you...to that point of despair...and even before that...I committed great crimes against Cocoon."

"But it was for Cocoon!" Tabbs interjected. Colin shook his head at the outburst.

"It does not matter."

Silence came again, so thick that it made it hard to breath. The others glanced amongst each other, wondering what to say, and Lt. Amodar made a silent entry. His watched the scene with wary eyes, waiting for the next move. He would have to stop Lightning if she tried anything...at least for now. But he knew what would happen to Colin. Although he wouldn't be locked away for the rest of his life...that didn't mean he'd get away from this unscathed.

"I know..." Hope eventually said, "I know you did those things...but I...I wasn't exactly reasonable...when things like that happened to me..."

"But Hope...that's different..." Snow mumbled, understanding what he was referring to. It still scared him to think about...but it was not his own life he had been scared of losing. It was Hope. Always Hope. Still...Snow silently blamed himself for what happened, although both knew it couldn't be helped. It haunted him...and probably always would. But he was glad that Hope was alive with them...

"It really...isn't Snow..." Hope moved to sit up, hissing at the pain it caused, and Lightning swooped in to stop him.

"Not yet...I know you're eager to get better but-"

"Light...can you please help me look at Colin..." Lightning stopped, her hands still on Hope's arms, and looked straight into his eyes. He held her gaze for a long time, the only notice of movement being the occasional shift from the airship as it moved. Finally she gave the slightest of nods and gently pulled him up. He held back any hisses of pain that begged for release, but Lightning still went slow as she watched his pained expression. Eventually Hope was leaning against Lightning, sweating slightly but otherwise all right.

"You are truly stubborn Hope." Colin mumbled.

"I...know you did all those things." Hope said as if Colin hadn't spoken, "And that I should...be angry with you...or hate you..." Hope gave a wistful smile, letting his head rest on Lightning' shoulder. He felt so tired, "And maybe for a while...I did. I...still don't understand why you did all of this. But I guess...only you will. But for some reason...when I look at you...I can't hate you..." Hope shook his head, tears pooling in his eyes but not falling, "I tried...but I just...I can't..."

"Why...?"

Hope smiled then, a real smile. It was small, but it shone, and Lightning was so happy to see it there that she almost didn't mind that it happened when they were talking to Colin. Almost.

"I'd say...that it's because I'm not angry...but that would be a lie. I am...but I don't think I'm as angry as the others are..." Hope paused, looking down at his hands. They weren't shaking anymore...and he was grateful for that. He took a deep breath, feeling the last few weeks fall on him. All the pain...the uncertainty...the guilt...Ultima...his mother and father. He felt it all in that one brief inhale...

And then he breathed out...and it disappeared in a whoosh of soft air. He knew it would probably come back...that he wouldn't just stop thinking about it. But for now...for now it was gone off his shoulders. And the next words he knew were the truth.

"I forgive you...for everything..."

Hope looked at Colin as the words left him, stared into eyes that stared right back, wide and stunned. Hope smiled again, feeling lighter than he had in a long time, "I forgive you..."

Colin stared...long and hard. Eventually he began to blink his eyes rapidly and was forced to look away, closing his eyes in the process. Lightning watched the exchange silently...but somewhat disagreeing with Hope's forgiveness. But the content on the boy's face stopped her from even trying to reprimand him.

Colin took a deep breath...eyes still closed. Tabbs watched him as well...not daring to speak. And in some unspoken agreement, as they all headed to a hospital in Palumpolum, Colin and Hope relaxed. One would be punished. One would be a little haunted. They had both lost loved ones...one had tried to bring a new Cocoon...the other tried to fight it because it was wrong. It was a mess of strangeness and uncertainty and of fal-cie death. And it was over...

And neither of them...could think of a time they felt lighter.

* * *

Hospital rooms, Hope decided, were incredibly too stuffy and boring and no amount of new technology was going to change it. And the rooms were bare and boring...and somehow hospital T.V. just sucked. If it was anywhere else, it would probably be interesting, but not in the god-forsaken white room of death. How long had he been there? Three hours...three whole hours...

Hope just really hated hospitals.

But then he thought of the others coming to see him soon...and he'd get nervous. Now that he was resting, safe in a hospital bed, he couldn't help but feel that maybe he should get up and run. After all...just before they left the airship to get Colin and himself treated for injuries...Lightning had shot him a rather ominous look. And so had Serah...and even Snow looked a little serious. And sitting in the hospital with virtually nothing to do but think...gave him time to consider why.

At first he hadn't been sure what they could be angry about. They had defeated Ultima...he was safe and sound, Colin had been captured. Happy ending for the most part. But then he thought of before...being alone in Palumpolum...in his family's old home. And what it had taken to get there...

_Shit..._

The door to his room slid open, startling Hope out of his thoughts, and he looked over to see Sazh, Lightning, Snow, and Serah file in. Snow no longer limped...and it made him seem even more ominous. Or maybe Hope was just nervous. The blood drained from Hope's face when he saw their expressions, and he tried not to think of how he had just lifted the covers a bit in a feeble attempt to protect himself. He stared at them all, remote forgotten on the bed, and wished he were laying down. Maybe then he wouldn't be in so much danger. Innocent boy still resting in bed rather than bored boy trying to find a decent channel.

"Hope..." he jumped again, realizing he had been staring off into space. He looked toward Lightning and had to suppress a shiver when he realized she was right beside the bed. When did that happen? Before he could really consider it, a pair of arms wrapped around him, and he felt Lightning's breath tickling his neck. "I'm glad you're okay."

She stepped back and suddenly Serah was on him, a relieved smile on her face. Lightning gave her a questioning look. She had still wanted to talk, but her sister shook her head and silently asked for Light to step aside. Confused, Light took a few steps back.

"We're _all_ glad you're okay Hope..."

_SLAP!_

Hope clutched his red and throbbing cheek, his eyes watering slightly at the pain. He looked at Serah who had a look so fierce...she almost rivaled her sister in glares. Her arms were crossed and she towered over him, a different aura consuming her. An ominous one...that made Hope want to cower a little.

"Wha-"

"You _ran away_! From us? The people who could help you?" She started to poke his chest, getting closer and closer until they were only inches apart, "Do you know how worried we were? Do you know how worried my _sister_ was? She cried Hope!"

"Hey!" Lightning snapped.

"-_Cried_ when you ran away! She said she failed to protect you! That she could have done more! Then she practically kills herself trying to find you! We searched nearly _all_ of Gran Pulse! You know how tired we were? I had to force Lightning to take a fucking nap-" _Serah swore? Serah? I'm dead...I'm dead...I'm dead..._ "-because she was more than willing to get right back out there after we re-stocked supplies! We were all so worried! And then when we saw what happened to your...well...that just made it worse! We had no idea what happened to you...then when we find you...you..." A tear escaped Serah's eyes as she struggled to finish, and she bit her lip to stop herself from the breakdown that threatened her.

"We're so glad you're okay!" Serah cried, throwing her arms around Hope. Hope, for his part, looked shocked. Tears were beginning to bleed into his hospital gown and Snow and Lightning came over as well, no longer angry. Soon he was covered in several pairs of arms, Snow and Lightning's easy to discern, whereas Sazh just gave a silly grin, giving the boy a thumbs up. He looked like he had a tear in is eye too...but was able to hold it in. He ruffled Hope's hair, unable to get closer because of the serious family hug he was wrapped in.

Hope began to tremble slightly in their arms, taking in the warmth he had almost lost. He buried his head in one of their arms, taking in several shuddering breaths, but the tears wouldn't stop this time. It was sinking in...really sinking in this time...

It was over...it was over...he was safe...

"I'm sorry." he gasped, his words slightly muffled in their arms, "I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I'm sorry..." And he did his best to hug them all. Tried to let them now how sorry he was for worrying them, for leaving them. To let them know he would never do it again. To thank them for everything they did. He wanted to say it...but all that came out was sorry or his hiccups.

Soon he was being rocked...and someone was telling him it was all right. He was tired and heavy and sick of crying. He was tucked in and held and comforted...and allowed to let it all out. All the pain from the past few days...weeks...it came out and splattered around them. And it felt so good to be rid of the burden.

He fell asleep...and this time...there would be no nightmares. His family...made sure of that.

* * *

"Who knew getting fitted for a tux could take so long." Hope groaned, letting himself collapse on his new bed. Lightning's new home in Bodhum was comfortable to say the least, and with Snow and Serah right next door, probably more lively than Lightning really wanted it to be. Not that she had really fought the proposal when it was brought up.

Lightning smirked at him, setting the begs down and pulling out a light blue tux to hang in the closet. "Try helping Serah pick out a dress. She can be more than infuriating when she wants to be."

"And she's got a strong right..." Hope mumbled under his breath, still rubbing his cheek at the memory.

Two weeks had seemingly flown by...and before Hope knew it, he was legally a Farron. And grounded. So very very grounded. Not that he minded much...he was too tired to really try anything at the moment. The Sanctum had become a chaotic wave again...but Amodar was doing his best with the remaining officials to sort it out. Hope had paid attention to the talks on the news for the first few days, then decided it would work itself out and that he needed to relax.

But coming to Bodhum...that had surprised him. It wasn't so strange now that he thought about it though. Palumpolum...well...he didn't want to live there much anymore. Sure...Carbuncle was alive and well...thanks to Ultima's fall. And he knew he would always miss his parents...but having to live in the same house...with the ghosts of those memories...

It was too much for now.

"Why does Snow want to get married so soon anyway?" Hope groaned, his words becoming muffled as he rolled over on his bed, "I mean...it's not like the world is ending anymore. We made sure of that."

Lightning snorted and Hope smiled. Looks like he wasn't the only one who thought so. "Since when did Snow ever listen to reason? He just plows through everything."

"Good point...but he nearly fainted when he saw Serah in her dress."

Lightning growled this time. "Yeah, and I nearly punched him. I'm still considering it. We had to get a new dress because of those taboo superstitions Serah takes so seriously. It took another three hours...three hours...to get another...I think I will go punch him!" Lightning turned to leave but Hope stopped her, tugging on her wrist.

"It isn't worth it Light. Besides...I'm hungry."

"Your legs and arms aren't broken. You're perfectly capable of making something for yourself."

"Nope." Hope smiled cockily, "I'm afraid my body has permanently molded itself into the bed and I can no longer move. You'll have to bring me my food for the rest of your life. You'll have to invent some ingenious way to get me to the bathroom. I am immobile!"

Lightning stared down at him and Hope felt fear creep into his body. He made to get up but in a surprise move, Lightning held him down.

"L-Light?"

"Immobile huh?" Then, before he could react, Lightning was tickling him. He would have called her out on how shocking it was if his sides weren't aching and his breath would come. The laughter rang through the room, making Hope's chest light on fire, and Lightning smiled. "If you're immobile you can't escape." And she continued to tickle him until Hope was gasping for air. He rolled over once she granted him mercy, taking big gulps of oxygen, a smile still stretched across his face.

"That...was...insane."

"That'll teach you though huh?"

"I don't know...it was kinda fun. Except the no breathing thing."

"Smart mouth."

"I try!" Hope let out a relieved sigh, staring at the ceiling. He felt at peace...and he loved it. Loved the feeling of being in this family. It wasn't like his old one...but he was glad he was a part of it. Grateful.

He was so happy.

A hand began to run through his locks of platinum blond hair and he looked up at Lightning. She had come closer so that their bodies were nearly touching, and she had a worried look on her face. "Are you sure about tomorrow?" she asked eventually. Her voice was monotone...but he caught the worry behind it. He snuggled closer to her, deciding he could stay like this for a while, before answering.

"I'm sure."

Hope smiled as he answered, glad that it sounded right on his tongue. He would visit Colin tomorrow...in his cell. They would talk about what happened...about their families. Hope smiled when he thought of Lightning's reaction when he first brought it up...the man was in a jail cell for a reason after all. And she had looked ready to rip the roof off the house. But Hope had just shook his head and said that he needed to do this...and he had a feeling that Colin would need it too.

She very reluctantly agreed and said she'd gut him if he tried anything anyway.

Lightning cleared her throat, bringing Hope back to the present, but she refused to look him in the eyes this time. "And...are you...okay?" Hope took a small, surprised breath, but a sad smile crossed his lips this time as he understood her meaning.

"I still miss them Light...but I'm glad to be here. I'm glad I'm with you...and Serah...and Snow...and Sazh and Dajh. My new family..." he looked at her, glad she was staring into his eyes this time, "And you all mean as much to me as my old family...so thanks." He hugged her, letting the warmth seep in, and burned it into his memory. "Thanks..."

"No problem..."

Hope smiled again, the sadness gone, and they stayed like that for a while. They stared at the ceiling, not really seeing it, and sometimes they would talk about small unimportant and still important things, and other times they wouldn't. And it was enough for them. That peace they found. It seemed fragile at first glance, but Hope knew...and Lightning knew...that it was so much stronger than they could imagine. Because they were stronger now.

_We'll be okay._

"Claire!" They both shot up at the sound of Serah's screech as it filled the home. They hurried out of the room to see what was wrong with Serah, only to find her angry faced and nearly in tears. She held her wedding dress in her hands, and Lightning tensed. "I was putting it away and-and told Snow not to come in. But then he just waltzes in, saying that he's seen me naked before, and then he saw it! And now I need a new-"

Serah didn't even get to finish as Lightning had stormed out of the room after "seen me naked before", her face murderous. Hope held back a snicker and began to follow Lightning out of the building to their home, promising to make sure that Lightning wouldn't follow through with all the threats she was making under her breath. A few maybe...because they'd be going back to shop again to get a _new_ new dress, but not all of them.

And he, and admittedly Lightning, had never felt happier.

* * *

__

**And so ends Bad Beginnings. I hope you've all enjoyed it as much as I have. I'm gonna miss updating this. But I think you've all enjoyed it, and hope that end was a good one. This story itself will not have a sequel, but there is another story in my brain...perhaps that one can have a spot. We'll see what happens.**

**Regardless, thank you for everything! I'm glad you've been with me through this whole story, right done to the close. For now though, I must say, goodbye!**


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